Getting Even

.....received this one on the email circuit:

 

One day we found an old cat at our door. She was a sorry sight - skinny, dirty, smelly and hair all matted down.  We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and took her to the vet.

The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. My husband and the vet had never liked each other, so he had a parting shot, 'Don't forget to wash her, she stinks.'

The next day my husband had an appointment with his GP, who is located next door to the vet.  While he was waiting for his turn, a side door opened and the vet leaned in - looked straight at my husband and said loudly, 'Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more'.  We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose.  Oh, and by the way, I think she's pregnant.  God only knows who the father is!'  Then he closed the door.

20100531: letter from Arun

On 31 May 2010 16:04, Arun Talwar wrote:

Dear Maxie, Peter, Harry, Ozzie, Raphael, Leo, Terrance, Lourdes and all my Dear Friends,

it's a pity that I had to end up in the hospital, exactly a month before the big day, I was looking forward to seeing all of you, maybe the sleepless nights and excitement could have triggered this off! Ha ha.,,

I want you all to have a lovely time, and each time you pour a drink I'll be toasting here with a glass of water thinking of you. Hoping to speak with you all on the 19th or 20th. I will call on Maxie or Harry's mobile.

The moment I get back home let's start planning the next get together, how about January 2012?

On the 1st June they'll decide if I need a stent or a bypass, I'm in good spirits and made lots of friends in the ward. Thank you for all your prayers and good wishes. Chand , my two boys have been great support .

My love to you all

Arun
--------------------------

Great to hear from you Arun..
And relieved to find u in good cheer...
Like I told Chand, modern day hospitals don't really fuss over a miss or two in the heart beat - or some of us shd be languishing there forever...
Whatever your doctors decide, I am sure they will decide well and put you back on the road to recovery soon...
Cheers,
Maxie
-----------------------

On 31 May 2010 17:45, Peter Fernandes wrote:

Dear Arun,

First of all, as mentioned in my earlier letter our prayers and good wishes are with you for your speedy recovery.

You being in a fraternity of Doctors in London, I have no doubt that you are in the best of hands. Well, at this stage we can only hope that if not in this re-union meet we will surely get to enjoy your good company next time as and when it is planned. However, being one of the prime-movers of this Golden meet, we will miss you very much this time.

By the way, did you say that "sleepless nights and excitement could have triggered the problem?". Well, I am definitely inclined to think so since remember, as per your letter at March-end - "you had been excited, busy counting the days, standing on one leg and so on.."(pardon me Arun, am just joking!)

We will look forward to hearing you on our Re-union Day. Till then I can only extend to you good wishes and promise of prayers. May God give strength to Chand and your children during these days too.

Regards,

Peter

P.S. Kindly note the change in my email ID. Thanks.

Zen teachings...

If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours.

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do
not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.. In fact, just go away and leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

3. No one is listening until you fart.

4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a
mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8.. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.

13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse ... then things just keep getting worse.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Global Papers

Put your mouse on a city anywhere in the world and the newspaper headlines pop up...
Double click and the page gets larger....you can read the entire paper
on some if you click on the right place.
http://www.newseum.org/todaysfrontpages/flash/

Arun indisposed - need for prayers.

On 24 May 2010 at 16:49, Arun's wife Chand Talwar wrote to Maxwell:
Hi Max
Just wanted to let you know Arun had a mild heart attach on Monday the 17th night and has been in hospital since.
He is alright and hoping to be home soon.
Will write more in detail again.
afftly.,
Chand
Dr. Talwars Clinic
Church Road, CAERAU, CARDIFF CF5 5LQ
Tel: 029 20 403197 Mobile: 0771 485 6975
---------------------------------------

On Tue, 25 May 2010 07:05:18 +0530 Maxwell wrote to Chand (...with copy endorsed to all the classmates):

How shocking Chand...
Thanks for letting me know...
I am sure he is getting the best of attention and would be up and sprightly soon.
Please let him know I wish him a speedy recovery.- and that his entire classmates-group's prayers are with you both...
With faith and hope,
Maxie
------------------------------------------

On 25 May 2010 at 09:09 Raphael Maliakal wrote to Chand

Subject: Hi

Maxi sent me an email about your mild heart attack and recovery. I hope you are doing well now.
I am in Cochin for the wedding that took place last Saturday. All went well. Weather is warm and I am trying to get used to it.
Sincerely
Raphael Maliakal
-----------

on Tuesday, May 25, 2010 at 2:12 AM prabhakar ullal bhat wrote:
Dear Chand,

Very very sorry to hear of Arun's ailment.

The entire batch of 60-ians pray for his quick recovery.

Hope he will be able to join the alumni get-together,

Regds,
Prabhakar
---------------------------------------

on 26 May 2010 at 03:23hrs Terence Mathias wrote :
Re: ARUN

Dear Chand,
We are all shocked to hear about Arun's illness. I myself am having a bad back and I don't know when the surgeon will schedule the surgery. I am seeing him on June 1st. But Arun's news is very upsetting. When talking to Arun I learnt that he was my sister in law's classmate at the medical school in Hubli.What a small world! I have booked my ticket to India in January and I am looking forward to meeting Arun. In fact I was thinking of visiting Arun in August on my way back from India. I will still come and see him. Meantime you take care and put a smile on the old boy's face.
We are all concerned and are praying for him . He will be well soon. Regards to you both and the family.
Terence

--------------------

Peter Fernandes wrote on 26 May 2010 at 05:35hrs
Speedy recovery to you.
Dear Arun,
So sorry to note about your sudden ill-health. Our prayers and good wishes are with you for your speedy recovery.
Best regards to Chand and self,
Peter and Goretti

Mangalore air crash...

A terrible tragedy. As a Mangalorean I am shocked.

Most of Mangalore airport lands at Bajpe - former Pereira holdings, I believe, were acquired from my grandparents - and I still own more land along the hill slope on the Malavur river side where the aircraft reportedly came down (not on my land) after over-shooting the runway.

My deepest sympathies and heartfelt condolences to the victims and all those who lost their loved ones in this terrible tragedy.

Though Bajpe - often called a table-top airport - perches atop the range of hills that rise from the coast abutting the Arabian sea, and is considered one of the toughest airports to take off from or to land on, never in the history of this airport has there been a crash or loss of life ever!

There has been one earlier precedent however, in so far as over-shooting the runway is concerned. In the days when the runway was single and short, an Indian Airlines plane after landing did overshoot the length of the runway perhaps some time in the 1960-70s, but was miraculously stopped at the cliff-end before falling into the valley below. Local legend has it that Veerappa Moily, current Law Minister in the Manmohan Singh cabinet, as a youngster was a passenger on this plane then. The aircraft shell then remained perched precariously, tilted towards the valley below balanced at the cliff-end, for maybe over three decades, till the runway extension programme was undertaken less than two decades ago.

Maxie

Africa Festival

I am a life member of the Indian Council for Cultural Relations (ICCR), and get invited to most events showcased in Delhi by visiting cultural troupes from various countries. My niece Maya from Mangalore, currently holidaying with me, and I attended the Africa Festival this Wednesday 19th May at the Kamani Auditorium.

Even though the fifty-four countries of Africa have distinct cultural identities of their own, there runs a common thread of cultural heritage of age-old music and dance forms of the continent – which provide an insight into their distant past and unique tribal themes and percussive rhythms. Troupes from five different African countries – South Africa, Rwanda, Tunisia, Malawi and Nigeria – performed for Delhi-ites this week under the auspices of the Africa Festival organized by the ICCR.

Dressed in bright costumes and using spears, shields and even pots, they matched steps to the roaring beat of the drums - portraying a blend of African culture, both traditional and the modern.

The Rwandan National Ballet group 'Urukerereza' dressed in traditional Ibitako costume - beaded halter strings and white wrap, presented their nation's folklore - drawing from different styles. Very colourful, all artists apparently sing as well as dance, having developed musical ability and dancing skills simultaneously.

"Ubuhle Besintu" or the Beauty of Culture, was a lively mix of traditional and contemporary dances presented by the South Africans who consider themselves a 'rainbow nation'. An operatic rendition in traditional Zulu, Ubuhle Besintu included acts from the ethnic Sepedi, Xhosa, Zulu, Tsonga, Venda and Gumboots (a miner's jig) – showcasing the whole spectrum of its peoples and cultures based on indigenous dances against a contemporary backdrop.

The Malawi with their "Aka Kwacha" did not impress too much even with their exhaustive repertoire, despite their dances leaning on the interesting theme of girl reaching puberty. The Nigerian percussionists were good, and their medicine man partially compensated for the stereotyped steps and movements of its mediocre selections for an international exposure. But the musical ensemble 'Ifriga' by the Tunisian troupe using stones and olive sticks to produce myriad sounds was unique – a concert that reflected the influence of Islam on Tunisian culture.

Clever farmer....

....Peter shares this joke with his classmates. Peter also informs that he has a new email 'id' fpr the time-being: Peter Fernandes <peterlfern@live.com>

Date: 17 May 2010 at 23:06

 

During the German occupation of France a farmer was captured.

While in the internment camp he got a letter from his wife complaining that she was having difficulties with the farm. She had plenty of seed potatoes but she could not plough the field herself.

He wrote back. "It is all for the best. Leave the fields un-ploughed. That is where the guns are." Four days later two truck-loads of armymen entered the farm and dug up all the field.

The wife wrote to her husband informing him of what had happened and asked him what to do.

He wrote back a brief note: "Now plant the potatoes."

aspects of Incredible India?

One of the great paradoxes of "Incredible India"
that came to me on email as a forward....
So many are the contradictions in our life...
Read on....

 

We live in a nation,
Where Pizza reaches home faster than Ambulance, police, or fire brigade...
Where you get car loan @ 5% and education loan @ 12%,
Where rice is Rs 40/- per kg but sim card is free,
Where a millionaire can buy a cricket team instead of donating the money to any charity,...
Where people worship cows, and yet wear footwear made from cowhide...
Where the footwear we wear, are sold in AC showrooms, but vegetables, that we eat, are sold on the footpath,
Where everybody wants to be famous but nobody wants to follow the path to be famous,
Where we make lemon juices with artificial flavours and dish wash liquids with real lemon.
Where people are standing at tea stalls reading an article about child labour from a newspaper and say,"yaar bachhonse kaam karvane wale ko to phansi par chadha dena chahiye" and then they shout "Oye chhotu 2 chaii laao....."
This really is Incredible India... ?

--
Maxwell Pereira IPS (Retd.)
3725 Sector-23, Gurgaon-122017

Google Alert - Maxwell Pereira

Google News Alert for: Maxwell Pereira

Hindustan Times Traffic police in the grip of manpower crunch Hindustan Times "Basic traffic training is a must for a fresher to handle traffic efficiently," said Maxwell Pereira, former joint traffic commissioner. ... This once a day Google Alert is brought to you by Google.

from Peter L. Fernandes

(just for laughs) BALANCE: Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?" God took a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made!" Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel impressed by God's work then pointed to a triangular land mass and said, "What's that one?" "Ah," said God "That's India the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful beaches, mountains, streams, hills, waterfalls and vineyards. The people from India are going to be very beautiful, handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found travelling the world holding good jobs. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high-achieving. They will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace, play cricket and win world test matches. Even their wine will be appreciated and exported to far off places." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!!!" God replied wisely "Wait until you see the clowns that will run their government." oooooooOooooooo

Peter to Leo: on his visit to Mangalore.

Dear Leo,
Glad to note you had a happy time together with Norman J. and in the company of Prabhakar and Jossy as well.
As for me, though I could not visit Sigi's place and you all at Bangalore as planned earlier, as lady luck would favour me, it so happened Sigi and his wife visited Mangalore for their personal work while I was there. I was too happy to take this occasion to meet and chat with him at his hotel after half a century! I was also happy with Harry's help to meet with Francis Mascarenhas (Foca) for the first time, at Highland.
I returned from Mangalore this morning.
Best regards,
Peter

Between Oswald Sequeira and Maxwell Pereira

the other Ozzie...

Between Oswald Sequeira and Maxwell Pereira

Maxwell Pereira 17 April at 09:21

Do u by any chance remember that we had another Ozzie Sequeira in our class too? Wonder why no one's said a word about him so far....
Any one with any clue to his whereabouts?
Maxie

Oswald Sequeira 19 April at 19:41

I don't remember any Ozzie Sequeira, but we have a Ozzie Lobo my neighbour. He was in the same class till we got into the english medium in 1st. form. Then he studied in Padau high school and then I lost touch with him untill many years later I met him by chance after I returned from Africa when he told me that he had settled down in the Western Ghats somewhere. Thats the last I heard from him. We also had a Ozzie Ferenades[cashew] but in the higher class.

Maxwell Pereira 20 April at 07:52

I could b mistaken, but somehow have a clear picture of the other Ozzie Sequeira in my mind's eye - fair and lean fellow with a congenital swirl of his hair grains pattern along the forehead hair line above one eye! Could this Ozzie S and your Ozzie L be one and the same person? ....especially since the second OzzieS i am thinking of also came from Nantoor/ Padau side?!!!!!
Cashew Fernandes's Ozzie Fernandes was a year junior to us...
Strangely, I can picture your mother too - and the fancy cycle which perhaps u brought from Africa to cycle to school when we were still in the middle school - which you used to park at my house because other students used to meddle with it on the school premises. Arun Talwar too has vivid memories of some escapades with you on this bike.

Oswald Sequeira 20 April at 20:27

I think you are refering to Ozzie L. He was lean and slightly off fair colour. I think an attempt should be made to track Shankar Bhat 'the bus owners Son', who used to live opposit Pinto's big buglow on the road from Balmatta and Bendoor, Sitharam the fastest sprinter of our class and the middle school, Baptist [Batthi] who used to live just outside St. Aloysius boarding house gate on the way to the court from Prabhat cimema side.The store is not there any more.Then we had Two Subraya Shenoys, One was a Jewellers son living in Bendoor and the other in Urva whos father had a grocery store.
It is heart warming to know that you guys remember my famous cycle,It was nice of your parents to allow me to park my 'Mercedes Benz' at your house. It brings back warm memories. Bailur had a three speed cycle and as we were great friends we used to exchange our cycles for days at a time. My mouth still waters when I think of the sweet and sour 'Ambade' fruit that we used to eat from your back yard.