St Aloysius College - sslc class of 1960: December 2010

Thursday, 30 December 2010

Dr. appointment

From: Raphael Maliakal on 30 December 2010

Beware! Don't mess around with retirees....
Yesterday I had an appointment to see the urologist for a Prostate exam.
Of course I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted.
The waiting room was filled with patients.
As I approached the receptionist's desk, I noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. I gave her my name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me, a now very embarrassed man.
But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,
"NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."
The room erupted in applause!
DON'T MESS WITH OLD RETIRED GUYS!!!

Are these jokes below standard? I thought it is funny and has a passing rating.
Let me know.
Happy New Year.

Raphael Maliakal

On 30 December 2010 08:41, leo cunha <leocunha@airtelmail.in> wrote:

dear raphael
your jokes are just fine, my good ole classmate, keep them coming!! in any case we are beyond the status of adults, far too old to be embarassed or corrupted.
a happy new year to you, tessie, and extended family. have a nice one

....Leo Cunha

Monday, 27 December 2010

Wife turns 65

From: Raphael Maliakal on 27 December 2010
Subject: Wife turns 65
Live, Love, Laugh
A man wanted to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party.
So he ordered a birthday cake on phone. The salesman asked him what message he wanted to put on the cake.
He thought for a moment and said, put "getting older but you are getting
better".
The salesman asked "how do you want me to put it?"
The man said 'Well...put "You are getting older" at the top and
"but you are getting better" at the bottom.
When the cake was unveiled at the party all the guests were aghast at the
message on the cake.
It read: "You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at
the bottom".
Moral of the Story:
1. Always proof-read everything before you send.
2. Don't trust others to write it right for you.
3. Don't order cakes by telephone.

Raphael Maliakal

Tuesday, 21 December 2010

Hi from Peter Fernades in Mangalore: on 21 dECEMBER 2010

Dear Peter,

Thank you for the updates on your Christmas programmes.

Let me use the opportunity to wish you and all yours, a Merry Christmas, and a very Happy New Year.

God Bless,

Maxie

On 21 December 2010 08:42, Peter Fernandes <peterlfern@live.com> wrote:

Hi Maxie,
Reading the recent joke on our Blog I only hope it does not amount to glorifying sinful life.
As informed you earlier, I arrived in Mangalore with Goretti 2 days ago for a fortnight's stay.
There are more than a couple of celebrations in my family during the X'mas week. It is going to be an almost total family's reunion after many years with added new members! My car will be handy for local movement. Time-permitting I also I intend meeting few of our classmates.
A very happy Christmas to you and your family from both of us.
Best regards,
Peter

Saturday, 18 December 2010

A Good time

From: Dr Trilochan A. Bailur, Anegundi Road, Bijai, MANGALORE 575004 on 17 December 2010 22:38

My kind of Sunday School teacher !!!

The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services and taught Sunday School every week.

On one Sunday, an out of town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her. He noted what a fine looking woman she was.

While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said "Hey, how about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?"

"Why yes, that would be nice!" the lady responded.

Well, the gentleman couldn't believe his luck. On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of South Carolina.

When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at her and suggested "Would you like a cocktail before dinner?"

"Oh, no!" said our circumspect fine example of southern womanhood "What would I tell my Sunday School class?"

Well, our gentleman was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner, when he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked "Would you like a smoke?"

"Oh my goodness no." said the woman. "I couldn't face my Sunday School class if I did?"

Well, our boy felt pretty low after that, so they left, got in his car and as he was driving the lady home, they passed the local Holiday Inn. He'd been morally rebuffed twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose so he ventured forth with "Ahhh .. mmmm how would you like to stop at this motel?"

"Sure, that would be nice!" she said in anticipation.

The gentleman couldn't believe his ears, and did a fast u-turn right then and there, and drove back to the motel and checked in.

The next morning, after a wild and passionate night of the most incredible sex and perversions imaginable, the gentleman awoke first.

He looked at the lovely Dixie darling lying there in the bed and with remorse thought "What the hell have I done?"

He shook her awake and pleaded "I've got to ask you one thing, what are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"

The lady said "The same thing I always tell them. You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time."

.....which is what I always say.

Thursday, 16 December 2010

Blond joke

From: Raphael Maliakal on 16 December 2010 09:01

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
 
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
 
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
 
The blonde says, "God help us.  Has it come to this?
  
Give me 22 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 16 Baptists

Raphael Maliakal