Ajab Desh ki Gajab Kahani

Ajab Desh ki Gajab Kahani
(This came my way, in the email forwards circuit....)

1. We live in a nation where Rice is Rs.40/- per kg and Sim Card is free.
2. Pizza reaches home faster than Ambulance and Police.
3. Car loan @ 5% but education loan @ 12%.
4. Students with 45% get in elite institutions thru quota system and those with 90% get out because of merit.
5. Where a millionaire can buy a cricket team instead of donating the money to any charity. 2 IPL teams are auctioned at 3300 crores and we are still a poor country where people starve for 2 square meals per day.
6. Where the footwear we wear, are sold in AC showrooms, but vegetables that we eat, are sold on the footpath.
7. Assembly complex buildings are getting ready within one year while public transport bridges alone take several years to be completed.
8. Where we make lemon juices with artificial flavors and dish wash liquids with real lemon.

Think about it!
If you cross the The North Korean border illegally, you get ..... 12 years hard labour in an isolated prison .....
If you cross the Iranian border illegally, you get ..... detained indefinitely .....
If you cross the Afghan border illegally, you get ..... shot ......
If you cross the Saudi Arabian border illegally, you get ...... jailed ......
If you cross the Chinese border illegally, you get ..... kidnapped and may be never heard of again ..
If you cross the Venezuelan border illegally, you get ..... branded as a spy and your fate sealed ......
If you cross the Cuban border illegally, you get ..... thrown into a political prison to rot .....
If you cross the British border illegally, you get ..... arrested, prosecuted, sent to prison and be deported after serving your sentence .....
Now .... if you were to cross the Indian border illegally, you get .....
1. A ration card
2. A passport ( even more than one - if you please ! )
3. A driver's license
4. A voter identity card
5. Credit cards
6. A Haj subsidy too if u have the right credentials
7. Job reservation
8. Special privileges for minorities
9. Government housing on subsidized rent
10. Loan to buy a house
11. Free education
12. Free health care
13. A lobbyist in New Delhi , with a bunch of media morons and a bigger bunch of human rights activists promoting your cause
14. The right to talk about secularism, which you have not heard about in your own country !
15. And of-course ..... voting rights to elect corrupt politicians who will promote your community for their selfish interest in securing your votes !!!
16. and right to fight election for MLA or MP
Hats off ..... to the ......
A. Corrupt and communal Indian politicians
B. The inefficient and corrupt Indian police force
C. The silly pseudo-secularists in India , who promote traitors staying here
D. The amazingly lenient Indian courts and legal system. That's why people like Afzal Guru are still alive, same will happen with Kasab.
E. We self centered Indian citizens, who are not bothered about the dangers to our own country.
F. The illogically brainless human-rights activists, who think that terrorists deserve to be dealt with by archaic laws meant for an era, when human beings were human beings.
INCREDIBLE INDIA!

Kushwant Singh at 98 - how to stay healthy & live longer

In his write-up reproduced below, KS has already advised not to envy - to drive out envy of those who have done better than you in life. Or else, I would have envied him and his life style!

Well, I can still ask The Almighty to improve my own circumstances in the days to come. Who knows, I may still beat the likes of KS.... !!!!!

Read on.....

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Coming on to 98 years and still earning more than I did in my younger days, people ask me how I manage to do it. They regard me as an expert on longevity. I have pronounced on the subject before; I will repeat it with suitable amendments based on my experience in the past two years.

Earlier I had written that longevity is in one's genes: children of long-living parents are likely to live longer than those born to short-lived parents. This did not happen in my own family. My parents who died at 90 and 94 had five children, four sons and a daughter. The first to go was the youngest of the siblings. Next went my sister who was the fourth. My elder brother who was three years older than me went a couple of years ago. Two of us remain; I, who will soon be 98, and my younger brother, a retired Brigadier three years younger than me and in much better health. He looks after our ancestral property. Nevertheless, I still believe gene is the most important factor in determining one's life-span.

More important than analysing longevity is to cope with old age and make terms with it. As we grow older, we are less able to exercise our limbs. We have to devise ways to keep them active. Right into my mid-eighties, I played tennis every morning, did rounds of Lodhi gardens in winter and swam for an hour in summer. I am unable to do this any more. The best way to overcome this handicap is regular massages. I have tried different kinds and was disappointed with the oil drip and smearing of oil on the body. A good massage needs powerful hands going all over one's body from the skull to the toes. I have this done at least once a day or at times twice a day. I am convinced that this has kept me going for so long.

Equally important is the need to cut down drastically one's intake of food and drink. I start my mornings with guava juice. It is tastier and more health-giving than orange or any other fruit juice. My breakfast is one scrambled egg on toast. My lunch is usually patli kichri with dahi or a vegetable. I skip afternoon tea. In the evening, I take a peg of single malt whisky. It gives me a false appetite. Before I eat supper, I say to myself "Do not eat too much." I also believe that a meal should have just one kind of vegetable or meat followed by a pinch of chooran. It is best to eat alone and in silence. Talking while eating does not do justice to the food and you swallow a lot of it. For me no more Punjabi or Mughlai food. I find South India idli, sambhar and grated coconut easier to digest and healthier.

Never allow yourself to be constipated. The stomach is a storehouse of all kinds of ailments. Our sedentary life tends to make us constipated. Keep your bowels clean however you can: by laxatives, enemas, glycerin suppositories, whatever. Bapu Gandhi fully understood the need to keep bowels clean.

Impose strict discipline on your daily routine. If necessary, use a stop-watch. I have breakfast exactly at 6.30 am lunch at noon, drink at 7 pm, supper at 8. Try to develop peace of mind. For this you must have a healthy bank account. Shortage of money can be very demoralising. It does not have to be in crores, but enough for your future needs and possibility of falling ill.

Never lose your temper, it takes a heavy toll and jangles one's nerves. Never tell a lie. Always keep your national motto in mind: Satyamev Jayate, only truth triumphs. Give generously. Remember you can't take it with you. You may give to your children, servants or charity. You will feel better. There is joy in giving.

Drive out envy of those who have done better than you in life. A Punjabi verse sums up: Rookhi Sookhy Khai kay Thanda Paani Pee Na Veykh paraayee chonparian na Tarssain jee (Eat dry bread and drink cold water Pay no heed or envy those who smear their chapattis with ghee)

Do not conform to the tradition of old people spending time in prayer and long hours in places of worship. That amounts to conceding defeat. Instead take up a hobby like gardening, growing bonsai, helping children of your neighbourhood with their homework. A practice which I have found very effective is to fix my gaze on the flame of candle, empty my mind of everything, but in my mind repeat Aum Shanti, Aum Shanti, Aum Shanti. It does work. I am at peace with the world. We can't all be Fawja Singh who at 100 run a marathon race but we can equal him in longevity and creativity. I wish all my readers long, healthy lives full of happiness.

Thanks/ Kushwant Singh

Letters of the alphabet (according to Punjabis)

This is CLASSIC!!!
Letters of the alphabet (according to Punjabis)

A is for Adjust. Punjabis will always ask you to adjust whenever they want to push you around.
B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your bum, it is an instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or whatever.
C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g . ..."Dfence Cloney".
E is for Expanditure. Punjabis are never shy of spending money – the latest cars, gadgets, marble floors: their ambitions are always expanding.
F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is actually just the front of a building (with backside being the back, of course).
G is for Guddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his guddi puts any F1 driver to shame. (If the Grand Prix does come to Delhi there's no way Hamilton, Alonso or Kimi can overtake Balvinder, Jasvinder or Sukhvinder.)
H is for Ho Jayega Ji, and the moment you hear that you have to be careful because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen.
I is for Intezaar, and to know more about it see P.
J is for Jindagi, and if there's one person who knows how to live life to the fullest it's a Punjabi.
K is for Khanna, Khurana, etc, the Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses (e.g."Keeping up with the Khuranas")
L is for Lovely, but unfortunately she almost never is.
M is for Mrooti, the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in love with.
N is for No Problem Ji. To find out how that works see H.
O is for Oye, which can be surprise (Oyye!), a greeting (Oyy!), anger (OYY!) or pain (Oy oy oy...).
P is for Panch Minit, and no matter how near (1 km) or far (100 km) a Punjabi is from you, he always says he'll reach you in panch minit.
Q is for Queue, a word completely untranslatable into Punjabi.
R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one, even if the odds are against him.
S is for Sweetie, Bunty, Pappu and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in Delhi.
T is for the official bird of Punjab: Tandoori chicken.
U is for when a Punjabi loses his sex appeal and becomes "Uncle-ji"
V is for VIP phone numbers @ Rs 15 lakhs and counting.
W is for Whan, as in "Whan are you coming, ji?"
X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in all Punjabi conversations.
Y is for "You nonsense", when anger replaces vocabulary in a shouting match.
Z is for Zigzag. (Please refer to G, M and P)