Humility

.....from Trilochan Bailur on 11 June 2012
Humility
Confidence without humility is arrogance. Humility is foundation of
all the virtues. It is a sign of greatness. Humility does not mean
self-demeaning behavior that would amount to belittling oneself.
Sincere humility attracts but false humility detracts.
Many years ago, a rider came across some soldiers who were trying to
move a heavy log without success. The corporal was standing by as the
men struggled. The rider asked the corporal why he wasn't helping. The
corporal replied, ``I am the corporal; I give orders.'' The rider
dismounted, went up to the soldiers and helped them to lift the log.
With his help, the log got moved. The rider quietly mounted his horse
and went to the corporal and said, ``The next time your men need help,
send for the commander-in-chief.'' After he left, the corporal and his
men found out that the rider was George Washington.
The message is clear. Success and humility go hand in hand. When
others blow your horn, the sound goes further. Just think about it.
Simplicity and humility are two hallmarks of greatness.

Next Six Months Could Determine Fate of the Internet, FCC Commissioner Warns

....shared by Joseph Rego on 9 June 2012

with the request to please pass this on to as many as possible, as free speech on the net is at stake. Apparently, and unfortunately. India is supposed to be one of the countries, joining hands with Saudi Arabia, Iran, China and Russia.

 

Next Six Months Could Determine Fate of the Internet, FCC Commissioner Warns

 

By Christopher Goins

June 8, 2012

    

Federal Communications Commission commissioner Robert McDowell. (Photo: FCC)

(CNSNews.com) – Actions taken – or not taken – by proponents of online freedom within the next six months will decide the fate of the Internet, according to Federal Communica-tions Commission commissioner Robert McDowell.

"Six months separate us from the renegotiation of the 1988 treaty that led to insulating the Internet from economic and technical regulation," McDowell, a Republican, told lawmakers during a hearing on Capitol Hill last week.

"What proponents of Internet freedom do or don't do between now and then will determine the fate of the Net and effect global economic growth as well as determine whether political liberty can proliferate," he said.

On December 4, the International Telecommunication Union (ITU), a Geneva-based U.N. specialized agency, will convene in Dubai to discuss its ongoing review of international telecommunications regulations (ITRs).

The Internet does not currently fall within the scope of the ITRs, but some ITU members, including Russia, India, China, Iran and Saudi Arabia, have long been promoting U.N. oversight of the Internet, and are expected to push for it at the Dubai conference.

The U.S. House Energy and Commerce subcommittee on communications and technology held a hearing on May 31, entitled "International Proposals to Regulate the Internet."

"During the treaty negotiations the most lethal threat to Internet freedom may not come from a full frontal assault, but through insidious and seemingly innocuous expansions of intergovernmental powers," McDowell told the panel.

He warned that "subterranean efforts" to expand intergovernmental powers were already underway. He cited the ITU leadership's insistence that the ITU does not plan on expanding regulatory powers, and that if any regulations are implemented as a result of the meeting they should be of "the light touch variety."

"It is not possible to insulate the Internet from new rules while also establishing a 'light touch' regulatory regime," McDowell said. "Either a new legal paradigm will emerge in December or it won't."

Specifically, ITU members and officials have been discussing an alleged "phone numbers crisis" – concerns that the world is running out of phone numbers, an area over which the ITU does have some authority.

Phone numbers are used for some Internet services, such as Skype and Google Voice.

"To function properly, the software supporting these services translate traditional phone numbers into IP addresses," McDowell explained.

Russia has seized on this fact, and is proposing giving the ITU jurisdiction over IP addresses – essentially the ID number of each individual computer – to remedy the supposed crisis.

"What is left unsaid, however, is that potential ITU jurisdiction over IP addresses would enable it to regulate Internet services and devices with abandon," Mc Dowell warned.

Other "seemingly small" proposed changes to the U.N.'s regulatory authority – such as a submission from Arab states to change the rules definition of "telecommunications" to cover "processing" and other computer functions – were in fact "titanic in scope," he said.

'Drive up costs, inhibit innovation'

The existing state of affairs of Internet governance is known as the "multi-stakeholder model," and includes the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN), a California-based not-for-profit corporation contracted to the Department of Commerce, which assigns IP addresses and oversees domains.

Rep. Bono Mack (D-Calif.) has introduced a resolution designed to express Congress' support for the multi-stakeholder model to continue.

On June 6, policy scholars and government officials met again on Capitol Hill to discuss the proposed regulation.

U.S. deputy coordinator for international communications and information policy Richard Beaird.

U.S. deputy coordinator for international communications and information policy Richard Beaird said the push to expand ITU oversight to include the Internet might be constrained by member states' interest in their own sovereignty.

CNSNews.com asked Beaird whether members' desire to protect their sovereignty "would work in favor of those who want to preserve and advance the multi-stakeholder governance model."

"Yes, I think that's right," he replied. "I think what it does, as a dynamic, is it forces consensus. We come with our views. Many share those views. Where those views may find opposition, not one side is going to be able to take a position that they alone can assert at the end of the day.

"They're going to have to find a compromise and I think that the rule of the ITU over time has been that you don't get radical change," Beaird continued. "You get only incremental change and that in part it's because you have these large number of countries coming together. They all understand that the game is that the sovereignty of each must be protected."

"It does work to the advantage of forcing compromises and it compromises towards the middle. And the radical proposals tend to drop off. That is, at least, the historical pattern," he said. "And we anticipate that it will continue."

McDowell, who also took part in the June 6 discussion, told CNSNews.com that if problematic proposals end up being ratified in a treaty, the consequences for Americans could be "profound."

"First of all, if anything comes out of this that resembles chaos or disorganization, chaos and uncertainty can inhibit investment," he said. "It could drive up costs, can inhibit innovation."

"And if we have to start bifurcating the Internet between countries that want more regulation of it or international regulation of it and those that do not, that's very hard to accomplish from an engineering perspective, because the Internet is a global network of networks without borders. So that then starts to create uncertainty and drive up costs."

The end result, he warned, was that "a lot of free services that are on the Internet today – bottom line – would no longer be free."

McDowell said that in the event of a treaty emerging, American citizens would not have to comply if the U.S. government chose not to adopt the treaty.

"A treaty would have to be ratified by our Senate," he pointed out. "So first of all, the executive branch – the State Department – endorses it and then they would refer it to the Senate. So we would not have to live under the treaty if other countries decided to adopt it and we decided not to adopt it."

   

 

 

 

--

Maxwell Pereira IPS (Retd.)

3725 Sector-23, Gurgaon-122017

9871263322

 

FunOnTheNet - FARMER JOHN

From: Trilochan Bailur on 8 June 2012................

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.
So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!" So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said:
SLOW--SCHOOL CROSSING
Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers.  The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster."
So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY
That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?"
The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let the Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain.
The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John.
Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you
put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone.
The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign... it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..."

So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's  house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:
NUDIST  COLONY
GO SLOW AND WATCH OUT FOR THE CHICKS
-------------------------

 

Parkinson's or Alzheimer's ?

Everyone knows that Parsi bawas are very witty but can be crazy at times too …

A Parsi bawa was asked, "What's preferable? Parkinson's or Alzheimer's?"

The wise bawa replied, "Definitely Parkinson's... better to spill half a peg of Scotch than to forget where you kept the bottle"

Love to all imbibers of the "appropriate fluids"!

----------------

 

WHERE DO RED-HEADED BABIES COME FROM?
After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician. 'Doctor,' the man said, 'I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine!!'
'Nonsense,' the doctor said...'Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.'
'It isn't possible,' the man insisted.
'This can't be,  our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.'
"Well, said the doctor,  let me ask you this.
Howoften do you have sex???"
The man seemed a bit ashamed..'I've been working veryhard for the past year. We only  made love once or twice every few months.'
'Well, there you have it!' The doctor said confidently....

"It's Rust."


 

 

Ajab Desh ki Gajab Kahani

Ajab Desh ki Gajab Kahani
(This came my way, in the email forwards circuit....)

1. We live in a nation where Rice is Rs.40/- per kg and Sim Card is free.
2. Pizza reaches home faster than Ambulance and Police.
3. Car loan @ 5% but education loan @ 12%.
4. Students with 45% get in elite institutions thru quota system and those with 90% get out because of merit.
5. Where a millionaire can buy a cricket team instead of donating the money to any charity. 2 IPL teams are auctioned at 3300 crores and we are still a poor country where people starve for 2 square meals per day.
6. Where the footwear we wear, are sold in AC showrooms, but vegetables that we eat, are sold on the footpath.
7. Assembly complex buildings are getting ready within one year while public transport bridges alone take several years to be completed.
8. Where we make lemon juices with artificial flavors and dish wash liquids with real lemon.

Think about it!
If you cross the The North Korean border illegally, you get ..... 12 years hard labour in an isolated prison .....
If you cross the Iranian border illegally, you get ..... detained indefinitely .....
If you cross the Afghan border illegally, you get ..... shot ......
If you cross the Saudi Arabian border illegally, you get ...... jailed ......
If you cross the Chinese border illegally, you get ..... kidnapped and may be never heard of again ..
If you cross the Venezuelan border illegally, you get ..... branded as a spy and your fate sealed ......
If you cross the Cuban border illegally, you get ..... thrown into a political prison to rot .....
If you cross the British border illegally, you get ..... arrested, prosecuted, sent to prison and be deported after serving your sentence .....
Now .... if you were to cross the Indian border illegally, you get .....
1. A ration card
2. A passport ( even more than one - if you please ! )
3. A driver's license
4. A voter identity card
5. Credit cards
6. A Haj subsidy too if u have the right credentials
7. Job reservation
8. Special privileges for minorities
9. Government housing on subsidized rent
10. Loan to buy a house
11. Free education
12. Free health care
13. A lobbyist in New Delhi , with a bunch of media morons and a bigger bunch of human rights activists promoting your cause
14. The right to talk about secularism, which you have not heard about in your own country !
15. And of-course ..... voting rights to elect corrupt politicians who will promote your community for their selfish interest in securing your votes !!!
16. and right to fight election for MLA or MP
Hats off ..... to the ......
A. Corrupt and communal Indian politicians
B. The inefficient and corrupt Indian police force
C. The silly pseudo-secularists in India , who promote traitors staying here
D. The amazingly lenient Indian courts and legal system. That's why people like Afzal Guru are still alive, same will happen with Kasab.
E. We self centered Indian citizens, who are not bothered about the dangers to our own country.
F. The illogically brainless human-rights activists, who think that terrorists deserve to be dealt with by archaic laws meant for an era, when human beings were human beings.
INCREDIBLE INDIA!

Kushwant Singh at 98 - how to stay healthy & live longer

In his write-up reproduced below, KS has already advised not to envy - to drive out envy of those who have done better than you in life. Or else, I would have envied him and his life style!

Well, I can still ask The Almighty to improve my own circumstances in the days to come. Who knows, I may still beat the likes of KS.... !!!!!

Read on.....

-----------------------------------

Coming on to 98 years and still earning more than I did in my younger days, people ask me how I manage to do it. They regard me as an expert on longevity. I have pronounced on the subject before; I will repeat it with suitable amendments based on my experience in the past two years.

Earlier I had written that longevity is in one's genes: children of long-living parents are likely to live longer than those born to short-lived parents. This did not happen in my own family. My parents who died at 90 and 94 had five children, four sons and a daughter. The first to go was the youngest of the siblings. Next went my sister who was the fourth. My elder brother who was three years older than me went a couple of years ago. Two of us remain; I, who will soon be 98, and my younger brother, a retired Brigadier three years younger than me and in much better health. He looks after our ancestral property. Nevertheless, I still believe gene is the most important factor in determining one's life-span.

More important than analysing longevity is to cope with old age and make terms with it. As we grow older, we are less able to exercise our limbs. We have to devise ways to keep them active. Right into my mid-eighties, I played tennis every morning, did rounds of Lodhi gardens in winter and swam for an hour in summer. I am unable to do this any more. The best way to overcome this handicap is regular massages. I have tried different kinds and was disappointed with the oil drip and smearing of oil on the body. A good massage needs powerful hands going all over one's body from the skull to the toes. I have this done at least once a day or at times twice a day. I am convinced that this has kept me going for so long.

Equally important is the need to cut down drastically one's intake of food and drink. I start my mornings with guava juice. It is tastier and more health-giving than orange or any other fruit juice. My breakfast is one scrambled egg on toast. My lunch is usually patli kichri with dahi or a vegetable. I skip afternoon tea. In the evening, I take a peg of single malt whisky. It gives me a false appetite. Before I eat supper, I say to myself "Do not eat too much." I also believe that a meal should have just one kind of vegetable or meat followed by a pinch of chooran. It is best to eat alone and in silence. Talking while eating does not do justice to the food and you swallow a lot of it. For me no more Punjabi or Mughlai food. I find South India idli, sambhar and grated coconut easier to digest and healthier.

Never allow yourself to be constipated. The stomach is a storehouse of all kinds of ailments. Our sedentary life tends to make us constipated. Keep your bowels clean however you can: by laxatives, enemas, glycerin suppositories, whatever. Bapu Gandhi fully understood the need to keep bowels clean.

Impose strict discipline on your daily routine. If necessary, use a stop-watch. I have breakfast exactly at 6.30 am lunch at noon, drink at 7 pm, supper at 8. Try to develop peace of mind. For this you must have a healthy bank account. Shortage of money can be very demoralising. It does not have to be in crores, but enough for your future needs and possibility of falling ill.

Never lose your temper, it takes a heavy toll and jangles one's nerves. Never tell a lie. Always keep your national motto in mind: Satyamev Jayate, only truth triumphs. Give generously. Remember you can't take it with you. You may give to your children, servants or charity. You will feel better. There is joy in giving.

Drive out envy of those who have done better than you in life. A Punjabi verse sums up: Rookhi Sookhy Khai kay Thanda Paani Pee Na Veykh paraayee chonparian na Tarssain jee (Eat dry bread and drink cold water Pay no heed or envy those who smear their chapattis with ghee)

Do not conform to the tradition of old people spending time in prayer and long hours in places of worship. That amounts to conceding defeat. Instead take up a hobby like gardening, growing bonsai, helping children of your neighbourhood with their homework. A practice which I have found very effective is to fix my gaze on the flame of candle, empty my mind of everything, but in my mind repeat Aum Shanti, Aum Shanti, Aum Shanti. It does work. I am at peace with the world. We can't all be Fawja Singh who at 100 run a marathon race but we can equal him in longevity and creativity. I wish all my readers long, healthy lives full of happiness.

Thanks/ Kushwant Singh

Letters of the alphabet (according to Punjabis)

This is CLASSIC!!!
Letters of the alphabet (according to Punjabis)

A is for Adjust. Punjabis will always ask you to adjust whenever they want to push you around.
B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your bum, it is an instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or whatever.
C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g . ..."Dfence Cloney".
E is for Expanditure. Punjabis are never shy of spending money – the latest cars, gadgets, marble floors: their ambitions are always expanding.
F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is actually just the front of a building (with backside being the back, of course).
G is for Guddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his guddi puts any F1 driver to shame. (If the Grand Prix does come to Delhi there's no way Hamilton, Alonso or Kimi can overtake Balvinder, Jasvinder or Sukhvinder.)
H is for Ho Jayega Ji, and the moment you hear that you have to be careful because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen.
I is for Intezaar, and to know more about it see P.
J is for Jindagi, and if there's one person who knows how to live life to the fullest it's a Punjabi.
K is for Khanna, Khurana, etc, the Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses (e.g."Keeping up with the Khuranas")
L is for Lovely, but unfortunately she almost never is.
M is for Mrooti, the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in love with.
N is for No Problem Ji. To find out how that works see H.
O is for Oye, which can be surprise (Oyye!), a greeting (Oyy!), anger (OYY!) or pain (Oy oy oy...).
P is for Panch Minit, and no matter how near (1 km) or far (100 km) a Punjabi is from you, he always says he'll reach you in panch minit.
Q is for Queue, a word completely untranslatable into Punjabi.
R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one, even if the odds are against him.
S is for Sweetie, Bunty, Pappu and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in Delhi.
T is for the official bird of Punjab: Tandoori chicken.
U is for when a Punjabi loses his sex appeal and becomes "Uncle-ji"
V is for VIP phone numbers @ Rs 15 lakhs and counting.
W is for Whan, as in "Whan are you coming, ji?"
X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in all Punjabi conversations.
Y is for "You nonsense", when anger replaces vocabulary in a shouting match.
Z is for Zigzag. (Please refer to G, M and P)

How much do you make, Dr. ?

Beautifully written...

Something that may uplift the selfless service esteem of all doctors - within and outside my own family.

 

Somebody asked: "You're a Doctor? How much do you make?"
I replied: "HOW MUCH DO I MAKE?" ...
I can make holding your hand seem like the most important thing in the world when you're scared...
I can make your child breathe when they stop...
I can help your father survive a heart attack...
I can make myself get up at 4AM to make sure your mother has the medicine she needs to live...and I will work straight through until 4am to keep her alive and start the day all over again!
I work all day to save the lives of strangers...
I will drop everything and run a code blue for hours trying to keep you alive!!!
I make my family wait for dinner until I know your family member is taken care of...
I make myself skip lunch so that I can make sure that everything I did for your wife today was correct...
I work weekends and holidays and all through the night because people don't just get sick Monday though Saturday and during normal working hours.
Today, I might save your life.

How much do I make?
All I know is, I make a difference.

--

Maxwell Pereira IPS (Retd.)
3725 Sector-23, Gurgaon-122017

9871263322

LAWS OF......??!!!!

Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

Law of Timing - The telephone (landline) will invariably ring the minute you visit the toilet and sit on the pot.

 

Law of the Bath - The same goes when it's bath time. When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal - and someone always answers.

 

Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want
to be seen with.

Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

 

Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

Law for Doctor's diagnostics - all the symptoms you knew were there and want your doctor to detect and diagnose fly out of the window the moment you are on his inspection chair/table.

 

Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking--A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!!

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find
a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Re: No Gas..... No Diesel ..The NEW Car runs on Air.!!!!!!!....Manufactured by.."Tata Motors of India".........

(....got this from Arun Talwar in the email forwards circuit) !

Could this be true?   ....read on

....that news about Tata's planning to put this air-fuelled can on the roads, ...had hit the American world in 2008 itself. At least this link says so: http://www.popularmechanics.com/cars/news/preview-concept/4217016

Maxwell
--------------------------------------------

 

On 28 April 2012 03:02, Arun Talwar <arunstalwar@gmail.com> wrote: 

Subject: No Gas..... No Diesel ..The NEW Car runs on Air.!!!!!!!...

Manufactured by.."Tata Motors of India".........

The latest innovation. A Car fueled by AIR.!!!!!!
YES... By AIR !!!!.
August 2012 is around the corner.
We will have to see what the BIG Muscles in the Oil Producing World......
'Oil producing Countries and Oil Companies' will do.....?????.!!!!!!
NO Health Hazard. !!!!.
No WARMING of the earth..!!!!.

"Manufactured by The Tata Motors of India"

We'll see in the August of 2012...!

Will it be the next big thing ??????

Tata Motors of India thinks so.

What will the Oil Companies do to STOP top it ?????

It is an auto engine that runs on air. That's right; air not gas or diesel or electric
but just the air around us. Take a look.




Tata Motors of India has scheduled the Air Car to hit the
Indian streets by August 2012



The Air Car, developed by ex-Formula One engineer Guy N. For Luxembourg-based MDI, uses compressed air to push its engine's pistons and make the car go.

The Air Car, called the "Mini CAT" could cost around Rs. 65,757 (Rupees) in India or UK Sterling 820, or AUS $ 1315.

The Mini CAT which is a simple, light urban car, with a tubular chassis, a body of fiberglass that is glued not welded and powered by compressed air.

A Microprocessor is used to control all electrical functions of the car. One tiny radio transmitter sends instructions to the lights, turn signals and every other electrical device on the car. Which are not many.

The temperature of the clean air expelled by the exhaust pipe is between 0-15 degrees below zero, which makes it suitable for use by the internal air conditioning system with no need for gases or loss of power.

There are no keys, just an access card which can be read by the car from your pocket.

According to the designers, it costs less than 50 rupees ( Aus $ 1 )  per 100 KM, that's about a tenth the cost of a car running on gas. It's mileage is about double that of the most advanced electric car, a factor which makes it a perfect choice for city motorists.

The car has a top speed of 105 KM per hour or60 mphandwould have a range of around 300 km or 185 miles between refuels. Refilling the car will take place at adapted gas stations with special air compressors.

A fill up will only take two to three minutes and costs approximately 100 rupeesand the car will be ready to go another 300 kilometers.

This car can also be filled at home with it's on board compressor. It will take 3-4 hours to refill the tank, but it can be done while you sleep.

Because there is no combustion engine, changing the 1 litre of vegetable oil is only necessary every 50,000 KM or 30,000 miles. Due to its simplicity, there is very little maintenance to be done on this car.

This Air Car almost sounds too good to be true.!!!!!

We'll see in August of 2012...!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT ??????????     Subject: No Gas..... No Diesel ..The NEW Car runs on Air.!!!!!!!...     .Manufactured by.."Tata Motors of India"......... The latest innovation. A Car fueled by AIR.!!!!!! YES... By AIR !!!!. August 2012 is around the corner. We will have to see what the BIG Muscles in the Oil Producing World...... 'Oil producing Countries and Oil Companies' will do.....?????.!!!!!! NO Health Hazard. !!!!. No WARMING of the earth..!!!!. "Manufactured by The Tata Motors of India" We'll see in the August of 2012...! Will it be the next big thing ?????? Tata Motors of India thinks so. What will the Oil Companies do to STOP top it ????? It is an auto engine that runs on air. That's right; air not gas or diesel or electric but just the air around us. Take a look. Tata Motors of India has scheduled the Air Car to hit the Indian streets by August 2012 The Air Car, developed by ex-Formula One engineer Guy N. For Luxembourg-based MDI, uses compressed air to push its engine's pistons and make the car go. The Air Car, called the "Mini CAT" could cost around Rs. 65,757 (Rupees) in India or UK Sterling 820, or AUS $ 1315. The Mini CAT which is a simple, light urban car, with a tubular chassis, a body of fiberglass that is glued not welded and powered by compressed air. A Microprocessor is used to control all electrical functions of the car. One tiny radio transmitter sends instructions to the lights, turn signals and every other electrical device on the car. Which are not many. The temperature of the clean air expelled by the exhaust pipe is between 0-15 degrees below zero, which makes it suitable for use by the internal air conditioning system with no need for gases or loss of power. There are no keys, just an access card which can be read by the car from your pocket. According to the designers, it costs less than 50 rupees ( Aus $ 1 )  per 100 KM, that's about a tenth the cost of a car running on gas. It's mileage is about double that of the most advanced electric car, a factor which makes it a perfect choice for city motorists. The car has a top speed of 105 KM per hour or60 mphandwould have a range of around 300 km or 185 miles between refuels. Refilling the car will take place at adapted gas stations with special air compressors. A fill up will only take two to three minutes and costs approximately 100 rupeesand the car will be ready to go another 300 kilometers. This car can also be filled at home with it's on board compressor. It will take 3-4 hours to refill the tank, but it can be done while you sleep. Because there is no combustion engine, changing the 1 litre of vegetable oil is only necessary every 50,000 KM or 30,000 miles. Due to its simplicity, there is very little maintenance to be done on this car. This Air Car almost sounds too good to be true.!!!!! We'll see in August of 2012...! Follow Rediff Deal ho jaye! to get exciting offers in your city everyday.

 

--

Maxwell Pereira IPS (Retd.)
3725 Sector-23, Gurgaon-122017

9871263322

Post retirement fun

Some ideas for the retirement days………… sent in by Trilochan Bailur

You guys who have retired:

Try this out and I am damn sure you will be very happy every day.

Remember to read until the end.

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day, Mary my wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out,there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an "asshole" . He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires. So Mary called him a "shit head". He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

British Humour

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.

8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!

___________________________________________

FREE PUPPIES

1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

________________________________________________

FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.

Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

_______________________________________________________

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.

________________________________________________________

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!

Must sell washer and dryer £100.

_____________________________________________________________

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.

Worn once by mistake.

Call Stephanie.

___________________________________________________________

And the WINNER is...

 

FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.

Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.

No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

(Statement of the Century) 

___________________________________________________________

 

Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.

 

"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,

How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

____________________________________________________________

 

  Children Are Quick

TEACHER: Why are you late?

STUDENT: Class started before I got here.

____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

(I Love this child)

____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '

MILLIE: I is..

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'

MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....

______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)

___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher

The True Value (Inspirational Story)

A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill.
In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands
started going up.
He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me
do this." He proceeded to crumple the dollar bill up.
He then asked, "Who still wants it?"
Still the hands were up in the air.
 "Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the
ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.
He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?"
Still the hands went into the air.
"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter
what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not
decrease in value. It was still worth $20.
Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the
dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.
We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or
what will happen, you will never lose your value.
You are special – Don't ever forget it!

very Punny!

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a typo.

PMS jokes aren't funny; period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

Velcro — what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

 

Tom's Scrotum

Tom's Scrotum - The Best Story of last Year

The best story of the year doesn't give the proper praise and credit for this painful but understandable story as told by a loving wife.

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed.

The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.

"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain."

We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath.

"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."

The Tablecloth

I got this one in the email circuit from a dear friend.....

The brand new pastor and his wife, newly assigned to their first ministry, to reopen a church in suburban Brooklyn, arrived in early October excited about their opportunities. When they saw their church, it was very run down and needed much work. They set a goal to have everything done in time to have their first service on Christmas Eve.
They worked hard, repairing pews, plastering walls, painting, etc, and on December 18
were ahead of schedule and just about finished.
On December 19 a terrible tempest - a driving rainstorm - hit the area and lasted for two days.
On the 21st, the pastor went over to the church. His heart sank when he saw that the roof had leaked, causing a large area of plaster about 20 feet by 8 feet to fall off the front wall
of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit, beginning about head high.
The pastor cleaned up the mess on the floor, and not knowing what else to do but postpone the Christmas Eve service, headed home.
On the way he noticed that a local business was having a flea market type sale for charity, so he stopped in. One of the items was a beautiful, handmade, ivory colored, crocheted tablecloth with exquisite work, fine colors and a Cross embroidered right in the center. It was just the right size to cover the hole in the front wall. He bought it and headed back to the church.
By this time it had started to snow. An older woman running from the opposite direction was trying to catch the bus. She missed it. The pastor invited her to wait in the warm church for the next bus 45 minutes later.
She sat in a pew and paid no attention to the pastor while he got a ladder, hangers, etc., to put up the tablecloth as a wall tapestry. The pastor could hardly believe how beautiful it looked and it covered up the entire problem area.
Then he noticed the woman walking down the center aisle. Her face was like a sheet. "Pastor," she asked, "where did you get that tablecloth?"
The pastor explained. The woman asked him to check the lower right corner to see if the initials 'EBG' were crocheted into it there. They were. These were the initials of the woman, and she had made this tablecloth 35 years before, in Austria.
The woman could hardly believe it as the pastor told how he had just gotten "The Tablecloth". The woman explained that before the war she and her husband were well-to-do people in Austria.
When the Nazis came, she was forced to leave. Her husband was going to follow her the next week. He was captured, sent to prison and she never saw her husband or her home again.
The pastor wanted to give her the tablecloth; but she made the pastor keep it for the church. The pastor insisted on driving her home. That was the least he could do. She lived on the other side of Staten Island and was only in Brooklyn for the day for a housecleaning job.
What a wonderful service they had on Christmas Eve. The church was almost full. The music and the spirit were great. At the end of the service, the pastor and his wife greeted everyone at the door and many said that they would return.
One older man, whom the pastor recognized from the neighborhood, continued to sit in one of the pews and stare, and the pastor wondered why he wasn't leaving.
The man asked him where he got the tablecloth on the front wall because it was identical to one that his wife had made years ago when they lived in Austria before the war and how
could there be two tablecloths so much alike?
He told the pastor how the Nazis came, how he forced his wife to flee for her safety and he was supposed to follow her, but he was arrested and put in a prison. He never saw his wife or his home again in all the 35 years between.
The pastor asked him if he would allow him to take him for a little ride. They drove to Staten
Island and to the same house where the pastor had taken the woman three days earlier.
He helped the man climb the three flights of stairs to the woman's apartment, knocked on
the door and he saw the greatest Christmas reunion he could ever imagine.
T rue story - submitted by Pastor Rob Reid who says God does work in mysterious ways.
I asked the Lord to bless you as I prayed for you today, to guide you and protect you as you go along your way. His love is always with you. His promises are true, and when we give Him all our cares we know He will see us through.
So when the road you're traveling seems difficult at best, just remember I'm here praying and God will do the rest. Pass this on to those you want God to bless and remember to send it back to the one who asked God to bless you first.
When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God is all you need. Take 60 seconds and give this a shot! All you do is simply say the following small prayer for the person who sent this to you.
Father, God, bless all my friends and family in what ever it is that You know they may be needing this day! May their lives be full of Your peace, prosperity and power as they seek to have a closer relationship with You. Amen.
Then send it on to five other people, including the one who sent it to you. Within hours five people have prayed for you and you caused a multitude of people to pray for other people. Then, sit back and watch the power of God work in your life.

This is a beautiful story.... makes you understand that things happen for a reason! It is amazing how things aren't by accident.. glad you have read this through.
Such stories when received, leave a good taste in your mouth - but I hate it when such are accompanied my marketing strategies meant to keep it in circulation.

I hate forwards, however good they are, if they ask you in turn to forward it to others, and further fill it with veiled threats of some ill befalling you if you do not forward it within the next specified minutes to a specified number.

And I hate it more if or when the sender has merely clicked on the forward button of someting received in te email circuit, without doing the cleaning up act or ensuring internet and email protocol/ etiquette.

How nice it would have been to have left the discretion to the receiver whether or not to forward - if he/she so desired - it doesn't really require a prompt. In fact the prompt works negatively. It was indicated to me forwarding it to "Five is good, but more is better". And also to send it back to the one who sent it to me. I am sending it also to the one who sent this one to me, not because I have been asked to, but because she alway sends me great forwards, and not always do I take pains to write my own words on such forwards.

--
WHEN YOU WALK DOWN THE FAIRWAY OF LIFE STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES, FOR YOU GET TO PLAY ONLY ONE ROUND... (BEN HOGAN)

Happy Easter

On 6 April 2012 22:27, Raphael Maliakal <raphaelmj@hotmail.com> wrote:
I wish you all a happy Easter. May God Bless you with peace, good
health and happiness.
One request to those who forward jokes. Please make sure I can read
and enjoy every joke from you with my grandson who is 11 years old. I
hope you
will use that litmus test before forwarding jokes to me.
Sincerely
Raphael Maliakal

On 7 April 2012 08:11, Mary and Patrick Saldanha
<saldanhamary@hotmail.com> wrote:
Wishing you all  A JOY FILLED EASTER WITH THE BLESSINGS OF THE RISEN LORD.
Best wishes, Patrick & Mary

On 7 April 2012 08:11, Leo Cunha wrote:
dear classmates
philippa joins me in wishing you all, your spouses, and loved ones, a
very happy easter.  have a great sunday
cheers   .......   leo

On 7 April 2012 09:22, peter ferns <peterlferns@gmail.com> wrote:
With wishes for a joyous Easter filled with God's blessings,
Peter

Easter greetings

Wishing all my former classmates at SAC and their lovely families Easter Blessings and Joy in the Risen Christ....

I am currently in God's Own Country Kerala, enjoying some quality time with my grandchildren Daniel and and Eleanor, and with their parents - Prashanth and Sarah... who are visiting from the UK.

Happy Easter...

Maxie

-- 

Maxwell Pereira IPS (Retd.)
3725 Sector-23, Gurgaon-122017

Crabby Old Man - Brilliant!!!

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in GRASS
VALLEY, CA. it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.
Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, they
  found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that
copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. One
nurse took her copy to Missouri.
The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the
Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the St. Louis Association
for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on
his simple, but eloquent, poem.
And this little old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is
now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet.

Crabby Old Man…
What do you see nurses? . . .. . . What do you see?
What are you thinking . . . . . when you're looking at me?
A crabby old man .. . . . .. not very wise,
Uncertain of habit . . . . . with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food . .. . . . and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice . . . . . 'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice .. . . . . the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . A sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not . . . . . lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . . . The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking? . . . . . Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse . . . . . you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am. . . . .. . As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, . . . . . as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten . . . . .. with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters . . . . . who love one another.

A young boy of Sixteen . . . . with wings on his feet.
Dreaming that soon now . . . . . a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty . . . .. . my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows .. .. . . . that I promised to keep.

At Twenty-Five, now . . .. . . I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . . . . With ties that should last.

At Forty, my young sons . . .. . . have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me . . . . .. to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, . . . . . babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . . My loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me . . . . . my wife is now dead.
I look at the future . . . . . shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing . . . . . young of their own.
And I think of the years .. . . . . and the love that I've known.

I'm now an old man . . . .. .. and nature is cruel.
Tis jest to make old age .. . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles .. . . . . grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone . . . . where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass, a young guy still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys . . . . .. I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . . . life over again.

I think of the years, all too few . . . . .. gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . . that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people . . . . . open and see.
Not a crabby old man . .. Look closer . .. . see ME!!

Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might
brush aside without looking at the young soul within. We will all, one
day, be there, too! The best and most beautiful things of this world
can't be seen or touched. They must be felt by the heart.

The Shoebox

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had
shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no
secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe
box in the top of her cupboard that she had cautioned her husband
never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one
day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would
not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the
shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two knitted dolls and a stack of money
totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents.
'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the
secret of a happy marriage was to never argue.
She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep
quiet and knit a doll.'
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two
precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him twice
in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with
happiness.
'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the dolls, but what about all of this
money? Where did it come from?'
'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

A Prayer.......
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods;
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death,
Because I don't have time to knit!

Seniors are after all Seniors!

A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car sales room.

Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 100 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the M1, enjoying pushing the pedal to the floor even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 120 mph, then 140 and then 160 mph. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding - that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The old man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman...I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir", said the policeman, as he drove off..!!
--
Maxwell Pereira IPS (Retd.)
3725 Sector-23, Gurgaon-122017

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