Re: reunion 2012

On 13 March 2011 03:08, Raphael Maliakal wrote:

If we can not have cricket game in Cundapur (or is it Kundapur), we should at least try KUTTY-DONNE or 7-TILES.

Raphael Maliakal
----------------------------------------------------

On 13 March 2011 07:41, Maxwell Pereira wrote:

 

By the way Raphael.... just as an aside!

Kutty-donne is a very popular game in North India too, though it is termed gilli-danda here!

In fact people in the north credit some of the great cricketers who have captained India down the line, as being initiated in the game of cricket only through the gilli-danda route!

It would be wonderful to play 7-tiles if for nothing else than to test whether at least one of us is able to hit the tiles with the ball - and if would be just great to see whose bones are fit enough to run or scamper away not to be targeted by the one with the ball. And it will be no fun without the ladies participating... !!!

Maxie

 

Reunion-2012

Saturday, March 12, 2011 at 1:41 PM

Dear friends,
Yes, here are the tentative plans for our second reunion.
24th. January 2012 . 8am leave for kundapur by bus; the journey I have been told should take approx. 2 hours. ( we will sing all the way non-stop)
Once we reach Subodh will be there to meet us and have a lovely lunch( I have been told  by Leo the Kundapur cuisine is famous)
After lunch do some bird watching (feathered ones) at the bird sanctuary.
Evening after some hot tea and vadas head back for  Mangalore.
25th. All day we can continue our get together - venues and programmes to be decided.
Harry has kindly consented to  chair the organizing committee (thank you Harry) and he will get the ball rolling.
Let's hope we will have a lovely turn out, Leo with the famous five from Bangalore will be there.Raphael is not sure about coming, but he will try his best to be there.
Ozzie ,cannot make it as he is due to visit Mangalore this April.
I managed to speak to Bopayya and he has promised he will be with us, so has Maxie who will Fly straight  from the US .
Peter has also promised to be there.
I hope Cyril and the others who couldn't make the last reunion will all also join us.
Please let me know if you can make it and ideas, suggestions to  make the reunion extra special.
Lots of love
Arun

what does a woman want?

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question.

Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?....What do women really want?
 
Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.  But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
 
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!  Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage,
made obscene noises, etc.  He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.  Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.  The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the > time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

 
What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?
...
...
...
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story?
...
...
...
Scroll down
...
...

The moral is.....  If you don't let a woman have her own way....
Things are going to get ugly!

Everything is fine

Comforting letter from Tokyo: from Fr Cyril Veliath... at 05:23 on 12 March 2011
Subject: Everything is fine
Dear Maxie, Raphael, and all our old friends,

I was deeply touched by your kind letters. This was the longest and most violent earthquake that we have so far experienced. All trains around the vicinity of Tokyo have stopped, fires have broken out in several places, the tower of our St. Ignatius Church has been damaged, and several areas have been flooded. What makes it worse is that I have been appointed as the acting Rector of this community of about 65 people, all old university professors. Fortunately none in the community were hurt, but all the rooms are a mess. I hope we don't get another one like this. Well, this is an opportunity for all of us to realize that we do not control anything. I really hope and pray that I am able to join you guys for the next reunion.

Take care, and God bless you all.

Cyril

--
Cyril Veliath SJ
SJ House, Tokyo

earthquake and tsunami

Dear Cyril,

I hope you are safe, and the lines of communication open for this mail to reach you.

Have been in touch with the the local Japanese friends here - with concern and prayers for their loved ones, even as each is glued to Japanese TV on the internet and whatever possible lines of communication to the near and the dear back home!

A difficult time for those cut off, or with no news... and those hit by the tragedy. The real impact, and magnitude in terms of injury, loss of life and damages in the aftermath, will be known only over the next few days.. My homage to all who have lost their lives and a prayers for succour to the survivors, who are struggling with the calamity. 

A time for prayers and solidarity. I join all as we pray for the people of Japan - as one of the worst natural disasters in history has devastated the nation.

With deep concern,

Maxie

Grades in Heaven!

From: Peter Fernandes on 10 March 2011 at 21:42

PERFORMANCE & NOT POSITION

A Priest dies and is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates. Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans. God asks him: Please tell me who you are, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not. The Guy replies: I am a KSRTC driver from South India!!! God consults his ledger…........... smiles and says to the Mallu: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf and enter the Kingdom of Heaven... Now it is the Priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church for the last 40 years. God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this Cotton Robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven... 'Just a minute' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed, rash Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?' 'Results my friend, Results,' shrugs God. 'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove, people PRAYED' It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts...

WINE OVER WATER

On Wine over Water, Raphael Maliakal warns, quoting ancient wisdom....
Date: 11 March 2011 04:16

"Adikam Ayaal Amridum Visham" Malayalam saying. "Even ambrosia is a poison if you consume too much".

Raphael Maliakal

---

To my friends  who enjoy a glass of wine,scotch,vodka,brandy or beer...  and those  who don't and are always seen with a bottle of water in their hand. As Ben Franklin said:   In wine  there is wisdom, In beer there is freedom, In water there is  bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials,  scientists  have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of  water each day, at the end  of the year we would have absorbed more than 1  kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in  faeces. In other  words, we are consuming 1 kilo of  poop. However,  we do NOT  run that risk when drinking wine & beer  (or  tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) , because  alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling,  filtering and/or fermenting. Remember: Water = Poo, Wine =  Health. Therefore,  it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, Than to drink water and be  full of shit. There  is no need to thank me for this valuable information:   I'm doing  it as a public  service!

Instituting the Class of VI-E 1960 Scholarship

9th March 2011
Fr. Clifford Sequeira S.J
Head Master, St. Aloysius High School
Mangalore – 575003
Dear Fr. Clifford,
The VI E class of 1960 had a Golden Reunion in June 2010.
During, our get together it was decided that we set up a Fund to give Scholarship to economically weak students of the School. We had set a target of Rs.50, 000/- but we are happy to inform you that we have been able to collect Rs.60, 000/-. A cheque for Rs.60, 000/- is enclosed. This is a token of our appreciation for the quality education we received at St. Aloysius High School.
With Warm Regards,
Mr. Harry Saldanha & Fr. Walter Andrade S.J
On behalf of Class of 1960

DRAFT Terms and Conditions for the Award of Scholarships.
1. The Scholarship is to be named as Class of VI E, 1960 Scholarship.
2. The 'Corpus Fund' may be made into a Fixed Deposit giving a high rate of interest.
3. Two Scholarships are to be given every year – one for a boy and a girl from the interest accrued.
4. The beneficiaries should be from the economically weaker sections of the Society.
5. Beneficiaries should have good academic record, should be well behaved and well motivated.
6. The Head Master in consultation with the staff will choose the beneficiaries.
7. The scholarship cheques may be given on the Annual School Day and names of the beneficiaries may be sent to the under signed.

Can't take a chance

Truly a touching tale of a man loosing his wife while on vacation in Jerusalem. A man and his wife went on a vacation to Jerusalem, in the Holy Land. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her body shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it awhile, and told the undertaker, he would just have his wife's remains shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife back home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here, and you would spend only $150?" The man replied, . . . . A long time ago, a man called Jesus Christ died here. He was buried here. Three days later He rose from the dead. I just can't take that Chance.

Intellectually Challenged

Person - No. 1

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave  the clerk a £5 note. Our total was £4.20, so I also handed her a 20 pence piece.  She said, 'You gave me too much money.'

I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me £1 back.'

She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the 20 pence and said 'We're sorry but we do not do that kind of thing.'

The clerk then proceeded to give me back 80 pence in change..

Do not confuse the clerks at MacDonald's. 

 

No. 2

We had to have the garage door repaired. The GARADOR repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a moment, and said that we had the largest one GARADOR made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.'

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said,  'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two..'

We haven't used Garagedoor repair since. Happened in Moor Park , near Watford .. 

 

No. 3

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the  Highways Department to request the removal of the 'DEER CROSSING' sign on our road.

The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars on this stretch of road! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

Story from Potters Bar, Hertfordshire. 

 

NO. 4

My daughter went to a local Kentucky Fried Chicken and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'

He said he was sorry, but they only had Iceberg lettuce.

From South Oxhey , Hertfordshire. 

 

No. 5

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport  employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'

To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I  know?'

He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

Happened at Luton Airport. 

 

No. 6

The traffic light on the corner buzzes when it's on red and safe to cross the road. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged friend of mine.

She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She is a Local County Council employee in Harrow , Middlesex. 

 

No. 7

When my husband and I arrived at our local Ford dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the Service Department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

'Hey,' I announced to the Fitter/Mechanic, 'it's open!'

His reply: 'I know. I already did that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in St Albans , Hertfordshire.

 

STAY ALERT!

They walk among us...

 

Scholarship Fund

Friends,

Sub:-Establishment of VI E class of 60 Scholarship in SACHS

Congratulations, we have exceeded the target and so far
collected Rs.57,436/-. Thanks for your generosity.

Harry and I are drafting the guidelines to be given to
the Headmaster regarding the beneficiaries in the School etc...

Thanks again,

With much love,
Fr. Walter S.J

Dear Peter,
Please forward this mail to all our class mates.

thanks

Walter S.J
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Peter Fernandes <peterlfern@live.com>
Date: 6 March 2011 11:39
Subject: Scholarship Fund

As desired by Fr. Walter, please find his letter dated 3.3.11 forwarded to you:
With best regards and looking forward for our next Reunion alongwith a few of our
dear classmates whom we missed a lot the last time in our midst,
Peter

--------------------------

From: prabhakar ullal bhat <pub391@rediffmail.com>
Date: 6 March 2011 11:48

Kindly ensure that the scholarship is awarded only on merit.
Rgds,
Prabhakar

----------------------------------------------

From: Maxwell Pereira <mfjpkamath@gmail.com>
Date: 6 March 2011 14:08

Dear Fr Walter,

It is heartening to note that we have just about crossed the target we set for ourselves for the initial corpus of the Scholarship Fund, and that the Scholarship itself is in within reach of being a reality.

We may be a bit late for the current academic year that ends in March/April-2011, but should really be able to institute the Award and be able to announce and physically disburse the Scholaship to the selected candidate for at least the next academic session.

Just for information and knowledge of the Group, it would be nice to know the skeletal details of the selection criteria and the procedures adopted by the SAC High School.

Just for information, want to know if the SAC High School has in the past or proposes to in the future to award any scholarship in the sporting arena? If not, then could ours be the first such award for some suitable candidate? If yes, well... then ours could be just another in the same field - if all in the Group agree to this suggestion.

With warm regards to all,

Maxie

------------------------------------------

From: Raphael Maliakal <raphaelmj@hotmail.com>
Date: 7 March 2011 06:57

Thanks for letting me know the balance. I am glad we have enough money to start a scholarship.
Prabhakar is for merit. Maxie is for sports. I am for merit, sports and means plus motivation. My take is people with merit will easily get the necessary scholarship. I love sports but I don't see a need to promote sport with a scholarship. I would love to give the scholarship to one who has the motivation and is ready to work hard towards his/her dream. I know it is a difficult selection process.
Just a thought, why not let the English medium class teacher select one of the students for the scholarship. If there are more than one English medium, rotate the classes so all English medium teachers get a turn to select the student.
I feel means + merit + motivation should be considered in the selection process. Money should be given only for students who go to higher studies after high school.
I know we will have different ideas. If my idea does not make sense or is not practical, just forget it. Let us put the money to good use. Good luck to Harry and Walter with establishing the guidelines.
Sincerely
Raphael Maliakal

-------------------------------------------

From: prabhakar ullal bhat
Date: 7 March 2011 15:45
It would be better if the yardstick is made known & agreed upon before the scholarship scheme is announced. I am sure that Harry & Walter will take care of this.
Prabhakar
----------------------------------------

Google Alert - Maxwell Pereira

News 1 new result for Maxwell Pereira

Rallies can go rowdy, but concerts have to be stalled? Hindustan Times The only thing that organisers should do is get all the paperwork on time as it is a matter of security," Maxwell Pereira, former joint commissioner of .....

At last free to live!

Spring will be here soon, and we  can all cheer!

Don't delete this one; you'll laugh when you see the return message.

 

 
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, and my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself.. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra chocolate or cheese, or for not  making my bed, or for buying that silly thing for the house that I didn't need, but gives something for people to wow about when they drop in. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

 
 

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.  
 
 
 

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love..... I will. 
 
 

 
   

I will try climb to the roof or just a tree, and walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old - one day.  
 


I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.  
 


Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when someone you love leaves you, or when you lose a loved one; or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion.   A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect. 
 


 


I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. 
   
 

So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

 
 
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think... I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.  
 

So, may be I like being old..  It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what  could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).

  MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART! 
 
  

  
  
  
 I am told if you forward this to at least 7 people, you will have a surprise to see what happens on your screen. May be you will laugh your head off. Do it if you want to, not because I want you to. I really am beyond care!!!!!!!!!!! 

 

Poor Husbands

From: Raphael Maliakal on 17 February 2011 at 19:40
with promises to consider giving you honorary membership to AAHA (Association of Abused Husbands of America)....

And with due apologies to our respectfull ladies. No offence meant....

Just for giggs!!!

 

!!!!Poor Husbands  !!!!

Position of a Husband Is just like a Split AC
No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor
He is designed to remain Silent indoor...

"Husband is one who is the head of the family,
but his wife is the neck, and whichever way she turns, he goes."

A man in Hell asked the Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means - With Idiot For Ever

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one every day.

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are..
Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?
Husband: A lovely Push...!

 

 

Have a great day.

20 pictures for you

Norman Lobo with two of his children - Sachin & Priya - visited me in Delhi as part of their North-Indian tour of Jaipur, Agra and Delhi.
They spared time for me on Feb-13, and Feb-15th when I could have them
over for lunch and also show them Rashtrapati Bhawan - our President's
Palace, it's interiors, Halls and museums... and also its exotic gardens which were just today opened for public to view.
Unfortunately no cameras or mobiles are permitted inside Rashtrapati Bhawan, or its Mughal Gardens - so no pictures of the best that was viewed and experiences!
In chronological order of display, the pictures are explained as under:
IMG_6300.JPG - Norman at Maxwell's House in Gurgaon
IMG_6301.JPG - Sachin & Priya Lobo at Maxwell's in Gurgaon
IMG_6299.JPG - Sachin & Priya Lobo at Maxwell's in Gurgaon
IMG_6302.JPG - Sachin & Priya Lobo at Maxwell's in Gurgaon
IMG_6303.JPG - Norman & Priya ready for the repast that cook Dubey laid out
IMG_6304.JPG - Norman passing the dishes
IMG_6305.JPG - Sachin and Priya not happy at being disturbed at their biriyani
IMG_6307.JPG - Norman, Sachin & Priya with Maxwell
IMG_6308.JPG - Norman, Priya, Sachin & friend Bonny at Maxwell's
IMG_6306.JPG - Tying up laces, ready to depart
IMG_6294.JPG - At the welcome sign on reaching Rashtrapati Bhawan
IMG_6298.JPG - The 4-some with RP Bhawan's Jaipur column in the background
IMG_6289.JPG - The 4-some with RP Bhawan in the background
IMG_6290.JPG - The 4-some with RP Bhawan in the background
IMG_6291.JPG - Maxwell against the backdrop of RP Bhawan - with Bonny,
Norman & Sachin
IMG_6292.JPG - The 4-some inside RP Bhawan's Reception
IMG_6293.JPG - The 4-some inside RP Bhawan's Reception
IMG_6295.JPG - Between Cannons outside Rashtrapati Bhawan
IMG_6296.JPG - The 4-some outside Rashtrapati Bhawan
IMG_6297.JPG - The 4-some on the steps of Rashtrapati Bhawan

Fable of the Porcupine

Fable of the Porcupine
 

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together. This way, they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions even though they gave off heat to each other.

After a while, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen.

So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.

Wisely, they decided to go back to being together.

This way they learned to live with the little wounds that were caused by the close relationship with their companion, but the most important part of it, was the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.

 

Therefore:

The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but the best is when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.

The Moral of the story! Learn to love the "PRICKS" in your life.

 

Golf Balls . . .

A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.

 

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

 

Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

 

The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.

 

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow ?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

--

Aneel Verman (Sur La Mer Resorts Pvt  Ltd.<www.surlamergoa.com>

Morjim Ashwen Rd

Morjim,Pernem,Goa

Sur La Mer:+ 91-832-6453102

                 + 91-832-6453103

                 + 91-832-6453104

 Fax: +91-832-2244999

Delhi Cell-+91-98-112-53521

Goa Cell-+91-98-500-56742

 

Delhi Address:

19 Nizamuddin East

New Delhi 110013

Phone +911124353011

 

 

 

--

Maxwell Pereira IPS (Retd.)

3725 Sector-23, Gurgaon-122017

 

Poor Husbands

Position of a Husband Is just like a Split AC 
No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor
He is designed to remain Silent indoor...

"Husband is one who is the head of the family,
but his wife is the neck, and whichever way she turns, he goes."

A man in Hell asked the Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making the call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means - With Idiot For Ever

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one every day.

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are..
Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?
Husband: A lovely Push...! 

Jokes from Boston based Raphael

When Your Hut Is On Fire 

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island.  He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him.  

Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. 

Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect himself from the elements, and to store his few possessions. 

One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, 'God! How could you do this to me?' 

Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him!

'How did you know I was here?' asked the weary man of his rescuers. 

'We saw your smoke signal,' they replied. 

The Moral of This Story: 

It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering.

---------------------------------

Can you drive a truck?

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."
 
 Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land."
 
 Today, Congress has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!
 
 I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc . . . I called a Suicide Hot line...
 
 I had to press 1 for English. I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal.
 
 They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck . . .
 
 
P.S. These are recycled jokes. I hope you like them. If not let me know.

Raphael Maliakal

Shape of future at hand!

Shared with all by Peter Fernandes from Mumbai....

 

Subject: Future Shock... ??!!!

 

Coming changes...

This is already happening -  much too fast for the old brigade !!!

 

Whether these changes are good or bad depends in part on how we adapt to them. But, ready or not, here they come!

 

1.  The Post Office.  

Get ready to imagine a world without the post office. They are so deeply in financial trouble that there is probably no way to sustain it long term. 

Email, Fed Ex, and UPS have just about wiped out the minimum revenue needed to keep the post office alive. Most of your mail every day is junk mail and bills. 

 

2. The Check or cheque. 

Britain is already laying the groundwork to do away with checks by 2018. It costs the financial system billions of dollars a year to process checks. Plastic cards and on line transactions will lead to the eventual demise of the check. This plays right into the death of the post office If you never paid your bills by mail and never received them by mail, the post office would absolutely go out of business. 

 

3. The Newspaper. 

The younger generation simply doesn't read the newspaper. They certainly don't subscribe to a daily delivered print edition. That may go the way of the milkman and the laundry man. As for reading the paper on line, get ready to pay for it. The rise in mobile Internet devices and e-readers has caused all the newspaper and magazine publishers to form an alliance. They have met with Apple, Amazon, and the major cell phone companies to develop a model for paid subscription services. 

 

4. The Book. 

You say you will never give up the physical book that you hold in your hand and turn the literal pages. I said the same thing about downloading music from iTunes. I wanted my hard copy CD. But I quickly changed my mind when I discovered that I could get albums for half the price without ever leaving home to get the latest music. The same thing will happen with books. You can browse a bookstore on line and even read a preview chapter before you buy. And the price is less than half that of a real book. And think of the convenience! Once you start flicking your fingers on the screen instead of the book, you find that you are lost in the story, can't wait to see what happens next, and you forget that you're holding a gadget instead of a book. 

 

5. The Land Line Telephone. 

Unless you have a large family and make a lot of local calls, you don't need it anymore. Most people keep it simply because they're always had it. But you are paying double charges for that extra service. All the cell phone companies will let you call customers using the same cell provider for no charge against your minutes. 

 

6. Music. 

This is one of the saddest parts of the change story. The music industry is dying a slow death. Not just because of illegal downloading. It's the lack of innovative new music being given a chance to get to the people who would like to hear it. Greed and corruption is the problem. The record labels and the radio conglomerates simply self-destruction. Over 40% of the music purchased today is "catalogue items," meaning traditional music that the public is familiar with. Older established artists. This is also true on the live concert circuit. To explore this fascinating and disturbing topic further, check out the book, 

"Appetite for Self-Destruction" by Steve Knopper, and the video documentary, "Before the Music Dies." 

 

7. Television. 

Revenues to the networks are down dramatically. Not just because of the economy. People are watching TV and movies streamed from their computers. And they're playing games and doing all lots of other things that take up the time that used to be spent watching TV. Prime time shows have degenerated down to lower than the lowest common denominator. Cable rates are skyrocketing and commercials run about every 4 minutes and 30 seconds. 

 

8. The "Things" That You Own. 

Many of the very possessions that we used to own are still in our lives, but we may not actually own them in the future. They may simply reside in "the cloud." Today your computer has a hard drive and you store your pictures, music, movies, and documents. Your software is on a CD or DVD, and you can always re-install it if need be. But all of that is changing. Apple, Microsoft, and Google are all finishing up their latest "cloud services." That means that when you turn on a computer, the Internet will be built into the operating system. So, Windows, Google, and the Mac OS will be tied straight into the Internet. If you click an icon, it will open something in the Internet cloud. If you save something, it will be saved to the cloud. And you may pay a monthly subscription fee to the cloud provider. 

 

In this virtual world, you can access your music or your books, or your whatever from any laptop or handheld device. That's the good news. But, will you actually own any of this "stuff" or will it all be able to disappear at any moment in a big "Poof?" Will most of the things in our lives be disposable and whimsical? It makes you want to run to the closet and pull out that photo album, grab a book from the shelf, or open up a CD case and pull out the insert. 

 

9. Privacy. 

If there ever was a concept that we can look back on nostalgically, it would be privacy. That's gone. It's been gone for a long time anyway. There are cameras on the street, in most of the buildings, and even built into your computer and cell phone. But you can be sure that 24/7 "They" know who you are and where you are, right down to the GPS coordinates, and the Google Street View. If you buy something, your habit is put into a zillion profiles, and your ads will change to reflect those habits. And "They" will try to get you to buy something else. Again and again.

 

All we will have that can't be changed are Memories......