PETROL TIPS - info!!

From: Arun Talwar on 30 October 2011
With  Petrol expected to reach £2 (approx. Rs.150/- per litre by end
of  2011 these tips might come in  handy.

TIPS  ON PUMPING PETROL
I  don't know what you guys are paying for  petrol.... I am paying  up
to £1.35 to £1.50 per litre. My line of work  is in petroleum for
about 31 years now, so here  are some tricks to get more of your
money's  worth for every Litre:
Here  at the Shell Pipeline where I work ,  we deliver about 4 million
litres in a 24-hour  period .. One day is diesel the  next day is jet
fuel, and petrol, regular and  premium grades. We have 34-storage
tanks here  with a total capacity of 16,800,000  Litres.
Only  buy or fill up your car or truck in the early  morning when the
ground temperature is still  cold. Remember  that all service stations
have their storage  tanks buried below ground. The colder the ground
the more dense the petrol, when it gets warmer  petrol expands, so
buying in the afternoon or in  the evening....your litre is not
exactly a  litre. In the petroleum business, the specific  gravity and
the temperature of the petrol,  diesel and jet fuel, ethanol and other
petroleum  products plays an important  role.
A  1-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for  this business. But
the service stations do not  have temperature compensation at the
pumps.
When  you're filling up do not squeeze the trigger of  the nozzle to a
fast mode  If you look you will see that the trigger has  three (3)
stages: low, middle, and high. You  should be pumping on low mode,
thereby  minimizing the vapours that are created while  you are
pumping. All hoses at the pump have a  vapour return. If you are
pumping on the fast  rate, some of the liquid that goes to your tank
becomes vapour. Those vapours are being sucked  up and back into the
underground storage tank so  you're getting less worth for your
money.
One  of the most important tips is to fill up when  your Petrol tank
is HALF FULL. The reason  for this is the more Petrol you have in your
tank the less air occupying its empty space.  petrol evaporates
faster than you can imagine.  petrol storage tanks have an internal
floating  roof. This roof serves as zero clearance between  the Petrol
and the atmosphere, so it minimizes  the evaporation. Unlike service
stations, here  where I work, every truck that we load is  temperature
compensated so that every litre is  actually the exact amount.
Another  reminder, if there is a petrol truck pumping  into the
storage tanks when you stop to buy  Petrol, DO NOT fill up; most
likely  the petrol is being stirred up as the Petrol is  being
delivered, and you might pick up some of  the dirt that normally
settles on the  bottom.
To  have an impact, we need to reach literally  millions of Petrol
buyers. It's really simple to  do.
I'm  sending this note to about thirty people. If each  of you send it
to at least ten more (30 x 10 =  300)...and those 300 send it to at
least ten more  (300 x 10 = 3,000) and so on, by the time the  message
reaches the sixth generation of people, we  will have reached
overTHREE MILLION consumers  !!!!!!!If those three million get excited
and  pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million  people will
have been contacted!
If  It goes one level further, you guessed it..... THREE  HUNDRED
MILLION PEOPLE!!!
Again,  all you have to do is send this to 10 people. How  long would it take?

I have a friend

Around the corner I have a friend,

In this great city that has no end,

Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,

And before I know it, a year is gone.

And I never see my old friends face,

For life is a swift and terrible race,

He knows I like him just as well,

And as in the days when I rang his bell.

And he rang mine but we were younger then,

And now we are busy, tired men.

Tired of playing a foolish game,

Tired of trying to make a name.

'Tomorrow' I say! 'I will call on Tim

Just to show that I'm thinking of him.'

But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,

And distance between us grows and grows.

Around the corner, yet miles away,

'Here's a telegram sir,' 'Tim died today.'

And that's what we get and deserve in the end.

Around the corner, a vanished friend.

Remember to always say what you mean

If you love someone, tell them.

Don't be afraid to express yourself.

Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.

Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late.

Seize the day. Never have regrets..

And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family,

for they have helped make you the person that you are today.

THE LAWS THAT NEWTON FORGOT TO TELL US ABOUT

THE LAWS THAT NEWTON FORGOT TO TELL US ABOUT

THE LAW OF BREAD

When the buttered slice of bread falls it always lands on the buttered side.

THE LAW OF THE QUEUE

 If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you're in now.

THE LAW OF TELEPHONE

When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

THE LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

THE LAW OF THE WORKSHOP

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

THE LAW OF THE ALIBI

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.

THE BATH THEOREM

When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

THE LAW OF ENCOUNTERS

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

THE LAW OF THE RESULT

 When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

THE LAW OF BIOMECHANICS

 The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THE THEATRE RULE

 People with the seats furthest from the aisle arrive last.

THE LAW OF COFFEE

As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold

Loving husband

A man had two of the best tickets for the Rugby World Cup Final.  As
he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in
the seat next to him.  "No .... ,"  he says,  "the seat is empty."
"This is incredible ..... !"  said the man,  "who in their right mind
would have a seat like this for the Rugby Cup Final, the biggest
sporting event of the Rugby World and not use it ....... ?"
He says,  "Well actually, the seat belongs to me.  My wife was
supposed to come with me, but she passed away.  This is the first Cup
Final we haven't been to, together, since we got married .... ......"
"Oh . . ..  I'm sorry to hear that.  That's terrible.  I guess you
couldn't find someone else, a friend, or relative, or even a
neighbour, to take the seat .... ?"
The man shakes his head . . ..,  "No ....... .  They're all at her funeral."

--
Maxwell Pereira IPS (Retd.)
3725 Sector-23, Gurgaon-122017

Ten Valuable Lessons To Learn From Japan

From: peter ferns on 14 September 2011

 

   Ten Valuable Lessons To Learn From Japan

      The Calmness : Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. Sorrow itself has been elevated.

      The Dignity : Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a crude gesture.

      The Ability : The incredible architects, for instances, buildings swayed but didn't fall.

      The Grace: People bought only what they needed for the present, so everybody could get something.

      The Order : No looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just sheer understanding.

      The Sacrifice : Fifty workers stayed back to pump sea water in the Nuclear reactors. How will ever be repaid?

      The Tenderness : Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong cared for the weak.

      The Training : The old and the children, everyone knew exactly what to do. And they did just that.

      The Media : They showed magnificent restraint in the bulletins. No silly reporters. Only calm reportage.

      The Conscience : When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the shelves and left quietly.

(Sources)

Socrates - Interesting! :)

Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumour or spread gossip.

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

'Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.

"That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"

The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was having an affair with  his wife. -

Something to think about.........

Holy Humour

From: Peter Fernandes on 8 September 2011

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments!! "answered the lady.

"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, its morning."

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

A teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.

The parish priest was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the parish priest paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up!"
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The National Anthem"
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk…!

Biblical humor

You've probably read some of these before. But they'll still bring a smile to your lips.

What's more important: if you don't get the joke, then find out why. That's one way of getting to know the Bible better!

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?

A. Ruthless.

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?

A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?

A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?

A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?

A. The area around Jordan . The banks were always overflowing.

Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?

A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?

A. Joshua, son of Nun.

Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark ?

A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.

PS.. Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?

Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . . 'He-brews'

9/11 Story

I received this one in the mail - one of the many stories I have received over the years since 9/11. It is claimed to be true - I can never say! It has a message that God is always in control, which I believe in....

 

 

A man from Norfolk, VA called a local radio station to share this on Sept 11th, 2003, TWO YEARS AFTER THE TRAGEDIES OF 9/11/2001.

His name was Robert Matthews. These are his words:

A few weeks before Sept. 11th, my wife and I found out we were going to have our first child. She planned a trip out to California to visit her sister. On our way to the airport, we prayed that God would grant my wife a safe trip and be with her. Shortly after I said 'amen', we both heard a loud pop and the car shook violently. We had blown out a tire. I replaced the tire as quickly as I could, but we still missed her flight. Both were very upset as we drove home.

I received a call from my father who was retired NYFD. He asked what my wife's flight number was; but I explained that we missed the flight.

My father informed me that her flight was the one that crashed into the 'Southern Tower'. I was too shocked to speak. My father also had more news for me; he was going to help. 'This is not something I can just sit by for; I have to do something.'

I was concerned for his safety, of course, but more because he had never given his life to Christ. After a brief debate, I knew his mind was made up. Before he got off of the phone, he said, 'take good care of my grandchild'. Those were the last words I ever heard my father say; he died while helping in the rescue effort.

My joy that my prayer of safety for my wife had been answered quickly became anger. I was angry at God, at my father, and at myself. I had gone for nearly two years blaming God for taking my father away. My son would never know his grandfather, my father had never accepted Christ, and I never got to say goodbye.

Then something happened. About two months ago, I was sitting at home with my wife and my son, when there was a knock on the door. I looked at my wife, but I could tell she wasn't expecting anyone. I opened the door to a couple with a small child.

The man looked at me and asked if my father's name was Jake Matthews. I told him it was. He quickly grabbed my hand and said, 'I never got the chance to meet your father, but it is an honour to meet his son'.

He explained to me that his wife had worked in the World Trade Centre and had been caught inside after the attack. She was pregnant and had been caught under debris. He then explained that my father had been the one to find his wife and free her. My eyes welled up with tears as I thought of my father giving his life for people like this. He then said, 'there is something else you need to know'.

His wife then told me that as my father worked to free her, she talked to him and led him to Christ. I began sobbing at the news.

Now I know that when I get to Heaven, my father will be standing beside Jesus to welcome me, and that this family would be able to thank him themselves.

When their baby boy was born, they named him Jacob Matthew, in honour of the man who gave his life so that a mother and baby could live.

This story should help us all to realize this: God is always in control.

We may not see the reason behind things, and we may never know this side of heaven, but God is ALWAYS in control.

Possibly you may like to share this amazing story. Possibly you may not. But you may also never know the impact it may have on someone. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

GOD is Great … and it does not matter what Name, Shape, Gender or Colour we give to HIM. Most important is that we all should thank HIM for HE is good. His love endures Forever.

MAY GOD BLESS YOU & YOUR FAMILY, AND MAY YOU LIVE IN THE ASSURANCE AND SECURITY THAT HE IS ALWAYS THERE ...

The sunbird

The sunbird--one of the tiniest of birds, a native of India--builds a pendant nest, hanging it by four frail threads, generally from a spray of valaris. It is a delicate work of art, with its roof & tiny porch, which a splash of water or a child's touch might destroy.
Amy Carmichael tells how she saw a little sunbird building such a nest just before the monsoon season, & felt that for once bird wisdom had failed; for how could such a delicate structure, in such an exposed situation, weather the winds & the torrential rains? The monsoon broke, & from her window she watched the nest swaying with the branches in the wind.
Then she perceived that the nest had been so placed that the leaves immediately above it formed little gutters which carried the water away from the nest. There sat the sunbird, with its tiny head resting on her little porch, & whenever a drop of water fell on her long, curved beak, she sucked it in as if it were nectar. The storms raged furiously, but the sunbird sat, quiet & unafraid, hatching her tiny eggs.
We have a more substantial rest for head & heart than the sunbird's porch! We have the promises of God! Are they not enough, however terrifying the storm?
"Like a bird that found its nest,
So my soul has found its rest
In the centre of the Will of God."

TAX TIME - A humorous titbit

From: Trilochan Bailur in Mangalore, on 26.08.2011.............
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.
I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.
He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:
'He lives in a home with non stop chatting wife, 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep.
Can I come with him tomorrow?

Life cycle explained

On the first day, God created the dog and said:
'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'
The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'
The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said:
'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'
The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said:
'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'
But the human said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'
'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.....
Cheers ;))

Victor Currie R.I.P.. sincere condolences.

On 2 August 2011 13:17, Peter Fernandes wrote:

Dear Classmates,
Sad to inform you that Mrs Rose just called me to convey the sad news of our dear classmate Victor Currie passing away peacefully at the hospital at 5.40 this evening.
The funeral ceremony will be on the 9th. May his Rest in Peace.  
Peter

------------------------------

 

On 2 August 2011 15:37, Maxwell Pereira wrote:

My dear Rosemary...

Just received the shocking news from Peter Fernandes of dear Victor's passing away to the nether world. What happened? ....and why was he at the hospital?

My deepest sympathis and sincere condolences....
Losing a loved one is always painful. But only the one who experieces the pain of losing a chosen life partner knows how deep and indelible it is. A partner with whom one shared years of companionship and comraderie, spent endless moments of intimacy and the one who fathered your child!
The only consolation would be in the realisation that Victor has now been summoned for his just reward in heaven, however early or premature we consider the summons to be.
God give you, your son Vishal, and the other loved ones Victor has left behind on earth....... the strength to bear the loss of his departure.
I join all my classmates and the other multitude of friends reatives and well-wishers in our prayer to Our Lord, that He grant Victor eternal rest - and may his soul rest in peace.
With you in your grief,

Maxie

-----------------------------------

 

On 2 August 2011 15:52, Raphael Maliakal wrote:

Sorry to hear the sad news. I remember Victor as a happy and contented person, when I met him at the party you hosted during the ReUnion. Oswald Sequira whom I met last month in Toronto told me that he attended a celebration party for Victor's 70th birthday hosted by you. I hope and pray God will give you the strength during this time.
Sincerely  

Raphael Maliakal

Boston MA

508-528-7236

-------------------------------------

 

On 3 August 2011 08:49, Norman Lobo wrote:

Dear Rose,
I just saw the message from Peter that Victor is no more. I convey my heart felt sympothies to you and your family.
May his sole rest in peace.
Norman and family.

-----------------------------------------

 

 

 

From the papers of school children

These gems of wisdom were supposedly gleaned from test papers and essays from elementary, junior high, high school, and college students of USA. As one teacher noted, "It is truly astonishing what weird stuff our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades!"

1. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
2. Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
3. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
4. Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
5. Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
6. To prevent milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.
7. The parts of speech are lungs and air.
8. The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
9. A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
10. Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
11. The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
12. The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
13. Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
14. Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
15. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
16. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire 's in the East and the sun sets in the West.
17. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the fall when the apples are falling off the trees.
18. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence.
19. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
20. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.
21. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large.
22. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
23. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
24. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years.

What goes around comes around...

Love Comes Back
His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog.
There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.
The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.
'I want to repay you,' said the nobleman. 'You saved my son's life.'
'No, I can't accept payment for what I did,' the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel.
'Is that your son?' the nobleman asked.
'Yes,' the farmer replied proudly.
'I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of.' And that he did.
Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.
Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia.
What saved his life this time? Penicillin.
The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill .. His son's name?
Sir Winston Churchill.

Someone once said: What goes around comes around.
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Sing like nobody's listening.
Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

May there always be work for your hands to do;
May your purse always hold a coin or two;
May the sun always shine on your windowpane;
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;
May the hand of a friend always be near you;
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.
and may you be in heaven a half hour before the devil knows you are dead

Prop Me Up, Lord

Every time I am asked to pray, I think of the old fellow who always prayed, "Lord, prop us up on our leaning side".
After hearing him pray that prayer many times, someone asked him why he prayed that prayer so  fervently
He answered, "Well sir, you see, it's like  this.... I got an old barn out back. It's been there a long time; it's withstood a lot of weather; it's gone through a lot of  storms, and it's stood for many years.
It's still standing. But one day I noticed it was leaning to one side a  bit.
So I went and got some pine poles and propped it up on its leaning side so it wouldn't  fall.
Then I got to thinking about that and how much I was like that old barn.. I've been around a long time.. I've withstood a lot of life's storms. I've withstood  a lot of bad weather in life, I've withstood a lot of hard times, and I'm still standing too. But I find myself leaning to one side from time to time, so I like to ask the Lord to prop us up on our leaning side, 'cause I figure a lot of us get to leaning at  times.
Sometimes we get to leaning toward anger, leaning toward bitterness leaning toward hatred, leaning toward cussing, leaning toward a lot of things that we shouldn't.  So we need to pray, "Lord, prop us up on our leaning side, so we will stand straight and tall again, to glorify the Lord."

Origin of the word 'SHIT' - The true facts behind its origin

Great research work on Manure:
When people ask what you learned today .....
Manure . . . An interesting fact
Manure :  In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas of course.. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.
Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!
Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening
After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction ' Stow high in transit ' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.
You probably did not know the true history of this word.
I had always thought it was a golf term.

The Pregnant Lady - A Good joke

From: Trilochan Bailur on Date: 27 July 2011....................

 A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, "Well your Honour, it was like this: when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself. But, Your Honour, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!' ... I just lost it."

'CASE DISMISSED!!'

A Few Amusing Thoughts

TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE, SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.

Observations on Growing Older
~Your kids are becoming you...and you don't like them...but your grandchildren are perfect!

~Going out is good..
Coming home is better!

~When people say you look "Great"... they add "for your age!"

~When you needed the discount, you paid full price.
Now you get discounts on everything... movies, hotels, flights, but you're too tired to use them.

~You forget names.... but it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!!

~The 5 pounds you wanted to lose is now 15 and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.

~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything.... especially golf.

~Your spouse is counting on you to remember things you don't remember.

~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore.

~Your spouse sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than he or she does in bed. It's called their "pre-sleep".

~Remember when your mother said, "Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"?
Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!

~You used to say, "I hope my kids GET married....
Now, "I hope they STAY married!"

~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch..

~When GOOGLE, ipod, email, modem....
were unheard of, and a mouse was something that made you climb on a table

~You tend to use more 4 letter words ...
"what?"..."when?"... ???

~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.

~Your husband/wife has a night out with the guys or gals but is home by 9:00 P.M. Next week it will be 8:30 P.M.

~You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it.

~Notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!

~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

~Everybody whispers.

~Now that your spouse has retired .....
you'd give anything if he/she would find a job!

~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet ...
2 of which you will never wear.

~~~~But old is good in some things:
old songs,
old movies,
And best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!

 

Send this on to other "Old Friends!"

It's Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived

Seven Wonders of the World."

A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the "Seven Wonders of the World." Though there were some disagreements, the following receiv ed the most votes:
Egypt's Great Pyramids
The Taj Mahal
The Grand Canyon
The Panama Canal
The Empire State Building
St. Peter's Basilica
China's Great Wall
While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student had not finished, so she asked the girl if she was having trouble.
The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind. There are too many."
The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help."
The girl hesitated, then read:
To See
To Hear
To Touch
To Taste
To Feel
To Laugh
To Love
The room was so quiet, you could have heard a pin drop. The things we take for granted are truly wondrous!