Saturday, 12 November 2011

Google Chat between Cyril Veliath & Maxwell Pereira

18:32 me: Hey Cyril
18:33 Just found the green button shining against your name - indicating you are online
  ...so thought I must grab the opportunity to say hello....
18:34 Cyril: Hello Maxie. It is indeed a surprise
 
18:45 me: How are you?
  ...indeed a long time!
  Are you making it to M'lore this January?
Dear Maxie
Thanks a million for the kind message. It was a pleasant surprise which I did not expect. I was pretty distracted with a number of things when your message came, but I shall be more careful in the future and keep my eyes open for any communication from you. I would really love to go over to Mangalore, but unfortunately you know how it is with my situation as a Jesuit. In any case, I now know where you chaps are, and so when I next come over to India I shall to contact you all. Nothing much to tell you, except that like everyone else I am getting older, and I am now beginning to feel it. Incidentally, my book seller in New Delhi, a certain Mr. Chacko, used to speak a great deal about you, and he always spoke words of praise. I realized then that you were continuing in your efforts to serve people, as you have done so far.
So take care and God bless, and give my best wishes to all our friends.
Yours in Christ
Cyril
--
Cyril Veliath SJ
SJ House, 7-1 Kioicho, Chiyoda-ku, Tokyo 102-8571
Tel: 3238-5111

Friday, 4 November 2011

A great eulogy....

Sentimental me had tears in my eyes throughout this reading...
 
What a man Steve Jobs must have been!
 
Wonderful husband - what a love story! ...the love in the marriage stands out immensely.
 
Doting dad - Concerned for their right upbringing and whatever best as a father he could be, to his children....
 
Caring brother - the story of the brother and sister re-union... straight out of a Charles Dickens novel as she puts it... and the relationship that existed between them for the rest of 27-years of life after they met for the first time - is in itself so gripping...
 
And what a sister! ....to have remembered her brother so reverently and devotedly and affectionately!
 
Makes me wonder - have I lived my own life one hundredth as nobly as this man has been described as having lived - and would I ever be worthy of a fraction of the kind of legacy and remembrance this man has left behind for loved ones and others to remember him by!
 
Had to share this one with you guys... Do read the entire eulogy even if appears long.
 
Dad
-----------------------------------------
 
 
A Sister's Eulogy for Steve Jobs
By MONA SIMPSON
 
I grew up as an only child, with a single mother. Because we were poor and because I knew my father had emigrated from Syria, I imagined he looked like Omar Sharif. I hoped he would be rich and kind and would come into our lives (and our not yet furnished apartment) and help us. Later, after I'd met my father, I tried to believe he'd changed his number and left no forwarding address because he was an idealistic revolutionary, plotting a new world for the Arab people.
 
Even as a feminist, my whole life I'd been waiting for a man to love, who could love me. For decades, I'd thought that man would be my father. When I was 25, I met that man and he was my brother. By then, I lived in New York, where I was trying to write my first novel. I had a job at a small magazine in an office the size of a closet, with three other aspiring writers. When one day a lawyer called me — me, the middle-class girl from California who hassled the boss to buy us health insurance — and said his client was rich and famous and was my long-lost brother, the young editors went wild.
 
This was 1985 and we worked at a cutting-edge literary magazine, but I'd fallen into the plot of a Dickens novel and really, we all loved those best. The lawyer refused to tell me my brother's name and my colleagues started a betting pool. The leading candidate: John Travolta. I secretly hoped for a literary descendant of Henry James — someone more talented than I, someone brilliant without even trying.
 
When I met Steve, he was a guy my age in jeans, Arab- or Jewish-looking and handsomer than Omar Sharif. We took a long walk — something, it happened, that we both liked to do. I don't remember much of what we said that first day, only that he felt like someone I'd pick to be a friend. He explained that he worked in computers.
 
I didn't know much about computers. I still worked on a manual Olivetti typewriter. I told Steve I'd recently considered my first purchase of a computer: something called the Cromemco. Steve told me it was a good thing I'd waited. He said he was making something that was going to be insanely beautiful.
 
I want to tell you a few things I learned from Steve, during three distinct periods, over the 27 years I knew him. They're not periods of years, but of states of being. His full life. His illness. His dying.
 
Steve worked at what he loved. He worked really hard. Every day. That's incredibly simple, but true. He was the opposite of absent-minded. He was never embarrassed about working hard, even if the results were failures. If someone as smart as Steve wasn't ashamed to admit trying, maybe I didn't have to be.
 
When he got kicked out of Apple, things were painful. He told me about a dinner at which 500 Silicon Valley leaders met the then-sitting president. Steve hadn't been invited. He was hurt but he still went to work at Next. Every single day. Novelty was not Steve's highest value. Beauty was. For an innovator, Steve was remarkably loyal. If he loved a shirt, he'd order 10 or 100 of them. In the Palo Alto house, there are probably enough black cotton turtlenecks for everyone in this church.
 
He didn't favor trends or gimmicks. He liked people his own age. His philosophy of aesthetics reminds me of a quote that went something like this: "Fashion is what seems beautiful now but looks ugly later; art can be ugly at first but it becomes beautiful later." Steve always aspired to make beautiful later. He was willing to be misunderstood.
 
Uninvited to the ball, he drove the third or fourth iteration of his same black sports car to Next, where he and his team were quietly inventing the platform on which Tim Berners-Lee would write the program for the World Wide Web.
 
Steve was like a girl in the amount of time he spent talking about love. Love was his supreme virtue, his god of gods. He tracked and worried about the romantic lives of the people working with him. Whenever he saw a man he thought a woman might find dashing, he called out, "Hey are you single? Do you wanna come to dinner with my sister?"
 
I remember when he phoned the day he met Laurene. "There's this beautiful woman and she's really smart and she has this dog and I'm going to marry her." When Reed was born, he began gushing and never stopped. He was a physical dad, with each of his children. He fretted over Lisa's boyfriends and Erin's travel and skirt lengths and Eve's safety around the horses she adored. None of us who attended Reed's graduation party will ever forget the scene of Reed and Steve slow dancing.
 
His abiding love for Laurene sustained him. He believed that love happened all the time, everywhere. In that most important way, Steve was never ironic, never cynical, never pessimistic. I try to learn from that, still.
 
Steve had been successful at a young age, and he felt that had isolated him. Most of the choices he made from the time I knew him were designed to dissolve the walls around him. A middle-class boy from Los Altos, he fell in love with a middle-class girl from New Jersey. It was important to both of them to raise Lisa, Reed, Erin and Eve as grounded, normal children. Their house didn't intimidate with art or polish; in fact, for many of the first years I knew Steve and Lo together, dinner was served on the grass, and sometimes consisted of just one vegetable. Lots of that one vegetable. But one. Broccoli. In season. Simply prepared. With just the right, recently snipped, herb.
 
Even as a young millionaire, Steve always picked me up at the airport. He'd be standing there in his jeans. When a family member called him at work, his secretary Linetta answered, "Your dad's in a meeting. Would you like me to interrupt him?" When Reed insisted on dressing up as a witch every Halloween, Steve, Laurene, Erin and Eve all went wiccan.
 
They once embarked on a kitchen remodel; it took years. They cooked on a hotplate in the garage. The Pixar building, under construction during the same period, finished in half the time. And that was it for the Palo Alto house. The bathrooms stayed old. But — and this was a crucial distinction — it had been a great house to start with; Steve saw to that.
 
This is not to say that he didn't enjoy his success: he enjoyed his success a lot, just minus a few zeros. He told me how much he loved going to the Palo Alto bike store and gleefully realizing he could afford to buy the best bike there.
 
And he did.
 
Steve was humble. Steve liked to keep learning. Once, he told me if he'd grown up differently, he might have become a mathematician. He spoke reverently about colleges and loved walking around the Stanford campus. In the last year of his life, he studied a book of paintings by Mark Rothko, an artist he hadn't known about before, thinking of what could inspire people on the walls of a future Apple campus.
 
Steve cultivated whimsy. What other C.E.O. knows the history of English and Chinese tea roses and has a favorite David Austin rose? He had surprises tucked in all his pockets. I'll venture that Laurene will discover treats — songs he loved, a poem he cut out and put in a drawer — even after 20 years of an exceptionally close marriage. 
 
I spoke to him every other day or so, but when I opened The New York Times and saw a feature on the company's patents, I was still surprised and delighted to see a sketch for a perfect staircase.
 
With his four children, with his wife, with all of us, Steve had a lot of fun. He treasured happiness.
 
Then, Steve became ill and we watched his life compress into a smaller circle. Once, he'd loved walking through Paris. He'd discovered a small handmade soba shop in Kyoto. He downhill skied gracefully. 
 
He cross-country skied clumsily. No more. Eventually, even ordinary pleasures, like a good peach, no longer appealed to him. Yet, what amazed me, and what I learned from his illness, was how much was still left after so much had been taken away. I remember my brother learning to walk again, with a chair. After his liver transplant, once a day he would get up on legs that seemed too thin to bear him, arms pitched to the chair back.
 
He'd push that chair down the Memphis hospital corridor towards the nursing station and then he'd sit down on the chair, rest, turn around and walk back again. He counted his steps and, each day, pressed a little farther. Laurene got down on her knees and looked into his eyes. "You can do this, Steve," she said. His eyes widened. His lips pressed into each other. He tried. He always, always tried, and always with love at the core of that effort. He was an intensely emotional man.
 
I realized during that terrifying time that Steve was not enduring the pain for himself. He set destinations: his son Reed's graduation from high school, his daughter Erin's trip to Kyoto, the launching of a boat he was building on which he planned to take his family around the world and where he hoped he and Laurene would someday retire.
 
Even ill, his taste, his discrimination and his judgment held. He went through 67 nurses before finding kindred spirits and then he completely trusted the three who stayed with him to the end. Tracy. Arturo. Elham.
 
One time when Steve had contracted a tenacious pneumonia his doctor forbid everything — even ice. We were in a standard I.C.U. unit. Steve, who generally disliked cutting in line or dropping his own name, confessed that this once, he'd like to be treated a little specially. I told him: Steve, this is special treatment. He leaned over to me, and said: "I want it to be a little more special."
 
Intubated, when he couldn't talk, he asked for a notepad. He sketched devices to hold an iPad in a hospital bed. He designed new fluid monitors and x-ray equipment. He redrew that not-quite-special-enough hospital unit. And every time his wife walked into the room, I watched his smile remake itself on his face.
 
For the really big, big things, you have to trust me, he wrote on his sketchpad. He looked up. You have to. By that, he meant that we should disobey the doctors and give him a piece of ice.
 
None of us knows for certain how long we'll be here. On Steve's better days, even in the last year, he embarked upon projects and elicited promises from his friends at Apple to finish them.
 
 Some boat builders in the Netherlands have a gorgeous stainless steel hull ready to be covered with the finishing wood. His three daughters remain unmarried, his two youngest still girls, and he'd wanted to walk them down the aisle as he'd walked me the day of my wedding. We all — in the end — die in medias res. In the middle of a story. Of many stories. I suppose it's not quite accurate to call the death of someone who lived with cancer for years unexpected, but Steve's death was unexpected for us.
 
What I learned from my brother's death was that character is essential: What he was, was how he died.
 
Tuesday morning, he called me to ask me to hurry up to Palo Alto. His tone was affectionate, dear, loving, but like someone whose luggage was already strapped onto the vehicle, who was already on the beginning of his journey, even as he was sorry, truly deeply sorry, to be leaving us.
 
He started his farewell and I stopped him. I said, "Wait. I'm coming. I'm in a taxi to the airport. I'll be there." "I'm telling you now because I'm afraid you won't make it on time, honey."
 
When I arrived, he and his Laurene were joking together like partners who'd lived and worked together every day of their lives. He looked into his children's eyes as if he couldn't unlock his gaze. Until about 2 in the afternoon, his wife could rouse him, to talk to his friends from Apple. Then, after awhile, it was clear that he would no longer wake to us. His breathing changed. It became severe, deliberate, purposeful. I could feel him counting his steps again, pushing farther than before.
 
This is what I learned: he was working at this, too. Death didn't happen to Steve, he achieved it.
 
He told me, when he was saying goodbye and telling me he was sorry, so sorry we wouldn't be able to be old together as we'd always planned, that he was going to a better place.
 
Dr. Fischer gave him a 50/50 chance of making it through the night.
 
He made it through the night, Laurene next to him on the bed sometimes jerked up when there was a longer pause between his breaths. She and I looked at each other, then he would heave a deep breath and begin again. This had to be done. Even now, he had a stern, still handsome profile, the profile of an absolutist, a romantic. His breath indicated an arduous journey, some steep path, altitude. He seemed to be climbing.
 
But with that will, that work ethic, that strength, there was also sweet Steve's capacity for wonderment, the artist's belief in the ideal, the still more beautiful later.
 
Steve's final words, hours earlier, were monosyllables, repeated three times. Before embarking, he'd looked at his sister Patty, then for a long time at his children, then at his life's partner, Laurene, and then over their shoulders past them.
 
Steve's final words were:
 
OH WOW. OH WOW. OH WOW.
 
Mona Simpson is a novelist and a professor of English at the University of California, Los Angeles. She delivered this eulogy for her brother, Steve Jobs, on Oct. 16 at his memorial service at the Memorial Church of Stanford University.

Monday, 31 October 2011

PETROL TIPS - info!!

From: Arun Talwar on 30 October 2011
With  Petrol expected to reach £2 (approx. Rs.150/- per litre by end
of  2011 these tips might come in  handy.

TIPS  ON PUMPING PETROL
I  don't know what you guys are paying for  petrol.... I am paying  up
to £1.35 to £1.50 per litre. My line of work  is in petroleum for
about 31 years now, so here  are some tricks to get more of your
money's  worth for every Litre:
Here  at the Shell Pipeline where I work ,  we deliver about 4 million
litres in a 24-hour  period .. One day is diesel the  next day is jet
fuel, and petrol, regular and  premium grades. We have 34-storage
tanks here  with a total capacity of 16,800,000  Litres.
Only  buy or fill up your car or truck in the early  morning when the
ground temperature is still  cold. Remember  that all service stations
have their storage  tanks buried below ground. The colder the ground
the more dense the petrol, when it gets warmer  petrol expands, so
buying in the afternoon or in  the evening....your litre is not
exactly a  litre. In the petroleum business, the specific  gravity and
the temperature of the petrol,  diesel and jet fuel, ethanol and other
petroleum  products plays an important  role.
A  1-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for  this business. But
the service stations do not  have temperature compensation at the
pumps.
When  you're filling up do not squeeze the trigger of  the nozzle to a
fast mode  If you look you will see that the trigger has  three (3)
stages: low, middle, and high. You  should be pumping on low mode,
thereby  minimizing the vapours that are created while  you are
pumping. All hoses at the pump have a  vapour return. If you are
pumping on the fast  rate, some of the liquid that goes to your tank
becomes vapour. Those vapours are being sucked  up and back into the
underground storage tank so  you're getting less worth for your
money.
One  of the most important tips is to fill up when  your Petrol tank
is HALF FULL. The reason  for this is the more Petrol you have in your
tank the less air occupying its empty space.  petrol evaporates
faster than you can imagine.  petrol storage tanks have an internal
floating  roof. This roof serves as zero clearance between  the Petrol
and the atmosphere, so it minimizes  the evaporation. Unlike service
stations, here  where I work, every truck that we load is  temperature
compensated so that every litre is  actually the exact amount.
Another  reminder, if there is a petrol truck pumping  into the
storage tanks when you stop to buy  Petrol, DO NOT fill up; most
likely  the petrol is being stirred up as the Petrol is  being
delivered, and you might pick up some of  the dirt that normally
settles on the  bottom.
To  have an impact, we need to reach literally  millions of Petrol
buyers. It's really simple to  do.
I'm  sending this note to about thirty people. If each  of you send it
to at least ten more (30 x 10 =  300)...and those 300 send it to at
least ten more  (300 x 10 = 3,000) and so on, by the time the  message
reaches the sixth generation of people, we  will have reached
overTHREE MILLION consumers  !!!!!!!If those three million get excited
and  pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million  people will
have been contacted!
If  It goes one level further, you guessed it..... THREE  HUNDRED
MILLION PEOPLE!!!
Again,  all you have to do is send this to 10 people. How  long would it take?

I have a friend

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
And as in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
'Tomorrow' I say! 'I will call on Tim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him.'
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
'Here's a telegram sir,' 'Tim died today.'
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.
Remember to always say what you mean
If you love someone, tell them.
Don't be afraid to express yourself.
Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.
Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late.
Seize the day. Never have regrets..
And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family,
for they have helped make you the person that you are today.

Saturday, 24 September 2011

THE LAWS THAT NEWTON FORGOT TO TELL US ABOUT

THE LAWS THAT NEWTON FORGOT TO TELL US ABOUT

THE LAW OF BREAD

When the buttered slice of bread falls it always lands on the buttered side.

THE LAW OF THE QUEUE

 If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you're in now.

THE LAW OF TELEPHONE

When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

THE LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

THE LAW OF THE WORKSHOP

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

THE LAW OF THE ALIBI

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.

THE BATH THEOREM

When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

THE LAW OF ENCOUNTERS

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

THE LAW OF THE RESULT

 When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

THE LAW OF BIOMECHANICS

 The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THE THEATRE RULE

 People with the seats furthest from the aisle arrive last.

THE LAW OF COFFEE

As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold

Thursday, 22 September 2011

Loving husband

A man had two of the best tickets for the Rugby World Cup Final.  As
he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in
the seat next to him.  "No .... ,"  he says,  "the seat is empty."
"This is incredible ..... !"  said the man,  "who in their right mind
would have a seat like this for the Rugby Cup Final, the biggest
sporting event of the Rugby World and not use it ....... ?"
He says,  "Well actually, the seat belongs to me.  My wife was
supposed to come with me, but she passed away.  This is the first Cup
Final we haven't been to, together, since we got married .... ......"
"Oh . . ..  I'm sorry to hear that.  That's terrible.  I guess you
couldn't find someone else, a friend, or relative, or even a
neighbour, to take the seat .... ?"
The man shakes his head . . ..,  "No ....... .  They're all at her funeral."

--
Maxwell Pereira IPS (Retd.)
3725 Sector-23, Gurgaon-122017

Thursday, 15 September 2011

Ten Valuable Lessons To Learn From Japan

From: peter ferns on 14 September 2011

 

   Ten Valuable Lessons To Learn From Japan

*      The Calmness : Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. Sorrow itself has been elevated.

*      The Dignity : Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a crude gesture.

*      The Ability : The incredible architects, for instances, buildings swayed but didn't fall.

*      The Grace: People bought only what they needed for the present, so everybody could get something.

*      The Order : No looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just sheer understanding.

*      The Sacrifice : Fifty workers stayed back to pump sea water in the Nuclear reactors. How will ever be repaid?

*      The Tenderness : Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong cared for the weak.

*      The Training : The old and the children, everyone knew exactly what to do. And they did just that.

*      The Media : They showed magnificent restraint in the bulletins. No silly reporters. Only calm reportage.

*      The Conscience : When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the shelves and left quietly.

(Sources)

Sunday, 11 September 2011

Socrates - Interesting! :)

Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumour or spread gossip.
In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.
One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
'Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.
"That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it."
"All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"
The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.
It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was having an affair with  his wife. -
Something to think about.........

Thursday, 8 September 2011

Holy Humour

From: Peter Fernandes on 8 September 2011

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments!! "answered the lady.

"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, its morning."

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

A teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.

The parish priest was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the parish priest paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up!"
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The National Anthem"
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk…!

Biblical humor

You've probably read some of these before. But they'll still bring a smile to your lips.
What's more important: if you don't get the joke, then find out why. That's one way of getting to know the Bible better!
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A. Ruthless.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan . The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark ?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.
PS.. Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . . 'He-brews'

Friday, 2 September 2011

9/11 Story

I received this one in the mail - one of the many stories I have received over the years since 9/11. It is claimed to be true - I can never say! It has a message that God is always in control, which I believe in....
 
 
A man from Norfolk, VA called a local radio station to share this on Sept 11th, 2003, TWO YEARS AFTER THE TRAGEDIES OF 9/11/2001.
His name was Robert Matthews. These are his words:
A few weeks before Sept. 11th, my wife and I found out we were going to have our first child. She planned a trip out to California to visit her sister. On our way to the airport, we prayed that God would grant my wife a safe trip and be with her. Shortly after I said 'amen', we both heard a loud pop and the car shook violently. We had blown out a tire. I replaced the tire as quickly as I could, but we still missed her flight. Both were very upset as we drove home.
I received a call from my father who was retired NYFD. He asked what my wife's flight number was; but I explained that we missed the flight.
My father informed me that her flight was the one that crashed into the 'Southern Tower'. I was too shocked to speak. My father also had more news for me; he was going to help. 'This is not something I can just sit by for; I have to do something.'
I was concerned for his safety, of course, but more because he had never given his life to Christ. After a brief debate, I knew his mind was made up. Before he got off of the phone, he said, 'take good care of my grandchild'. Those were the last words I ever heard my father say; he died while helping in the rescue effort.
My joy that my prayer of safety for my wife had been answered quickly became anger. I was angry at God, at my father, and at myself. I had gone for nearly two years blaming God for taking my father away. My son would never know his grandfather, my father had never accepted Christ, and I never got to say goodbye.
Then something happened. About two months ago, I was sitting at home with my wife and my son, when there was a knock on the door. I looked at my wife, but I could tell she wasn't expecting anyone. I opened the door to a couple with a small child.
The man looked at me and asked if my father's name was Jake Matthews. I told him it was. He quickly grabbed my hand and said, 'I never got the chance to meet your father, but it is an honour to meet his son'.
He explained to me that his wife had worked in the World Trade Centre and had been caught inside after the attack. She was pregnant and had been caught under debris. He then explained that my father had been the one to find his wife and free her. My eyes welled up with tears as I thought of my father giving his life for people like this. He then said, 'there is something else you need to know'.
His wife then told me that as my father worked to free her, she talked to him and led him to Christ. I began sobbing at the news.
Now I know that when I get to Heaven, my father will be standing beside Jesus to welcome me, and that this family would be able to thank him themselves.
When their baby boy was born, they named him Jacob Matthew, in honour of the man who gave his life so that a mother and baby could live.
This story should help us all to realize this: God is always in control.
We may not see the reason behind things, and we may never know this side of heaven, but God is ALWAYS in control.
Possibly you may like to share this amazing story. Possibly you may not. But you may also never know the impact it may have on someone. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
GOD is Great … and it does not matter what Name, Shape, Gender or Colour we give to HIM. Most important is that we all should thank HIM for HE is good. His love endures Forever.
MAY GOD BLESS YOU & YOUR FAMILY, AND MAY YOU LIVE IN THE ASSURANCE AND SECURITY THAT HE IS ALWAYS THERE ...

Tuesday, 30 August 2011

The sunbird

The sunbird--one of the tiniest of birds, a native of India--builds a pendant nest, hanging it by four frail threads, generally from a spray of valaris. It is a delicate work of art, with its roof & tiny porch, which a splash of water or a child's touch might destroy.
Amy Carmichael tells how she saw a little sunbird building such a nest just before the monsoon season, & felt that for once bird wisdom had failed; for how could such a delicate structure, in such an exposed situation, weather the winds & the torrential rains? The monsoon broke, & from her window she watched the nest swaying with the branches in the wind.
Then she perceived that the nest had been so placed that the leaves immediately above it formed little gutters which carried the water away from the nest. There sat the sunbird, with its tiny head resting on her little porch, & whenever a drop of water fell on her long, curved beak, she sucked it in as if it were nectar. The storms raged furiously, but the sunbird sat, quiet & unafraid, hatching her tiny eggs.
We have a more substantial rest for head & heart than the sunbird's porch! We have the promises of God! Are they not enough, however terrifying the storm?
"Like a bird that found its nest,
So my soul has found its rest
In the centre of the Will of God."

Saturday, 27 August 2011

TAX TIME - A humorous titbit

From: Trilochan Bailur in Mangalore, on 26.08.2011.............
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.
I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.
He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:
'He lives in a home with non stop chatting wife, 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep.
Can I come with him tomorrow?

Monday, 22 August 2011

Life cycle explained

On the first day, God created the dog and said:
'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'
The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'
The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said:
'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'
The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said:
'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'
But the human said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'
'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.....
Cheers ;))

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Victor Currie R.I.P.. sincere condolences.

On 2 August 2011 13:17, Peter Fernandes wrote:
Dear Classmates,
Sad to inform you that Mrs Rose just called me to convey the sad news of our dear classmate Victor Currie passing away peacefully at the hospital at 5.40 this evening.
The funeral ceremony will be on the 9th. May his Rest in Peace.  
Peter
------------------------------
 
On 2 August 2011 15:37, Maxwell Pereira wrote:
My dear Rosemary...
Just received the shocking news from Peter Fernandes of dear Victor's passing away to the nether world. What happened? ....and why was he at the hospital?
My deepest sympathis and sincere condolences....
Losing a loved one is always painful. But only the one who experieces the pain of losing a chosen life partner knows how deep and indelible it is. A partner with whom one shared years of companionship and comraderie, spent endless moments of intimacy and the one who fathered your child!
The only consolation would be in the realisation that Victor has now been summoned for his just reward in heaven, however early or premature we consider the summons to be.
God give you, your son Vishal, and the other loved ones Victor has left behind on earth....... the strength to bear the loss of his departure.
I join all my classmates and the other multitude of friends reatives and well-wishers in our prayer to Our Lord, that He grant Victor eternal rest - and may his soul rest in peace.
With you in your grief,
Maxie
-----------------------------------
 
On 2 August 2011 15:52, Raphael Maliakal wrote:
Sorry to hear the sad news. I remember Victor as a happy and contented person, when I met him at the party you hosted during the ReUnion. Oswald Sequira whom I met last month in Toronto told me that he attended a celebration party for Victor's 70th birthday hosted by you. I hope and pray God will give you the strength during this time.
Sincerely  
Raphael Maliakal
Boston MA
508-528-7236
-------------------------------------
 
On 3 August 2011 08:49, Norman Lobo wrote:
Dear Rose,
I just saw the message from Peter that Victor is no more. I convey my heart felt sympothies to you and your family.
May his sole rest in peace.
Norman and family.
-----------------------------------------
 
 
 

Friday, 29 July 2011

From the papers of school children

These gems of wisdom were supposedly gleaned from test papers and essays from elementary, junior high, high school, and college students of USA. As one teacher noted, "It is truly astonishing what weird stuff our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades!"
1. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
2. Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
3. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
4. Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
5. Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
6. To prevent milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.
7. The parts of speech are lungs and air.
8. The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
9. A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
10. Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
11. The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
12. The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
13. Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
14. Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
15. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
16. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire 's in the East and the sun sets in the West.
17. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the fall when the apples are falling off the trees.
18. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence.
19. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
20. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.
21. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large.
22. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
23. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
24. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years.

What goes around comes around...

Love Comes Back
His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog.

There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.
The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.
'I want to repay you,' said the nobleman. 'You saved my son's life.'
'No, I can't accept payment for what I did,' the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel.
'Is that your son?' the nobleman asked.
'Yes,' the farmer replied proudly.
'I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of.' And that he did.
Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.
Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia.
What saved his life this time? Penicillin.
The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill .. His son's name?
Sir Winston Churchill.
Someone once said: What goes around comes around.
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Sing like nobody's listening.
Live like it's Heaven on Earth.
May there always be work for your hands to do;
May your purse always hold a coin or two;
May the sun always shine on your windowpane;
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;
May the hand of a friend always be near you;
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

and may you be in heaven a half hour before the devil knows you are dead

Thursday, 28 July 2011

Prop Me Up, Lord

Every time I am asked to pray, I think of the old fellow who always prayed, "Lord, prop us up on our leaning side".
After hearing him pray that prayer many times, someone asked him why he prayed that prayer so  fervently
He answered, "Well sir, you see, it's like  this.... I got an old barn out back. It's been there a long time; it's withstood a lot of weather; it's gone through a lot of  storms, and it's stood for many years.
It's still standing. But one day I noticed it was leaning to one side a  bit.
So I went and got some pine poles and propped it up on its leaning side so it wouldn't  fall.
Then I got to thinking about that and how much I was like that old barn.. I've been around a long time.. I've withstood a lot of life's storms. I've withstood  a lot of bad weather in life, I've withstood a lot of hard times, and I'm still standing too. But I find myself leaning to one side from time to time, so I like to ask the Lord to prop us up on our leaning side, 'cause I figure a lot of us get to leaning at  times.
Sometimes we get to leaning toward anger, leaning toward bitterness leaning toward hatred, leaning toward cussing, leaning toward a lot of things that we shouldn't.  So we need to pray, "Lord, prop us up on our leaning side, so we will stand straight and tall again, to glorify the Lord."

Wednesday, 27 July 2011

Origin of the word 'SHIT' - The true facts behind its origin

Great research work on Manure:
When people ask what you learned today .....
Manure . . . An interesting fact
Manure :  In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas of course.. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.
Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!
Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening
After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction ' Stow high in transit ' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.
You probably did not know the true history of this word.
I had always thought it was a golf term.

The Pregnant Lady - A Good joke

From: Trilochan Bailur on Date: 27 July 2011....................

 A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, "Well your Honour, it was like this: when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself. But, Your Honour, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!' ... I just lost it."

'CASE DISMISSED!!'

Wednesday, 20 July 2011

A Few Amusing Thoughts


TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE, SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.

Observations on Growing Older
~Your kids are becoming you...and you don't like them...but your grandchildren are perfect!

~Going out is good..
Coming home is better!

~When people say you look "Great"... they add "for your age!"

~When you needed the discount, you paid full price.
Now you get discounts on everything... movies, hotels, flights, but you're too tired to use them.

~You forget names.... but it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!!

~The 5 pounds you wanted to lose is now 15 and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.

~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything.... especially golf.

~Your spouse is counting on you to remember things you don't remember.

~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore.

~Your spouse sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than he or she does in bed. It's called their "pre-sleep".

~Remember when your mother said, "Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"?
Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!

~You used to say, "I hope my kids GET married....
Now, "I hope they STAY married!"

~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch..

~When GOOGLE, ipod, email, modem....
were unheard of, and a mouse was something that made you climb on a table

~You tend to use more 4 letter words ...
"what?"..."when?"... ???

~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.

~Your husband/wife has a night out with the guys or gals but is home by 9:00 P.M. Next week it will be 8:30 P.M.

~You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it.

~Notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!

~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

~Everybody whispers.

~Now that your spouse has retired .....
you'd give anything if he/she would find a job!

~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet ...
2 of which you will never wear.

~~~~But old is good in some things:
old songs,
old movies,
And best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!

 


Send this on to other "Old Friends!"

It's Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived

Wednesday, 13 July 2011

Seven Wonders of the World."

A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the "Seven Wonders of the World." Though there were some disagreements, the following receiv ed the most votes:
Egypt's Great Pyramids
The Taj Mahal
The Grand Canyon
The Panama Canal
The Empire State Building
St. Peter's Basilica
China's Great Wall
While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student had not finished, so she asked the girl if she was having trouble.
The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind. There are too many."
The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help."
The girl hesitated, then read:
To See
To Hear
To Touch
To Taste
To Feel
To Laugh
To Love
The room was so quiet, you could have heard a pin drop. The things we take for granted are truly wondrous!

Friday, 8 July 2011

INTALLING HUSBAND 1.0

Raphael Maliakal sent these interesting IT applications that he feels we all should be aware of.
 
A woman writes to the IT Technical support.....
 
Dear Tech Support ,
 
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelery applications , which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
 
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0 , MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.
 
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
 
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
 
Signed,

REPLY
 
DEAR Madam ,
 
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
 
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update .
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5...
 
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband1.0 to default to Silence 2.5or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
 
Whatever you do, DO NOT in any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
 
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
 
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software
to improve memory and performance.

We recommend: 
Happy Family 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7.
 
Good Luck Madam

Monday, 4 July 2011

Complaints from Britain's Gujaratis

Britain's Gujjus
whether a dig..... or good or bad english, these are extracts from actual letters sent to Leicester Council and other Housing associations written by Britain's Gujaratis:-
1. I want some repairs done to my wife's cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in my back passage.
3. And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
4. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof I think it was that bad wind the other night that blew them off.
5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path, my wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant?
7. I request permission to remove and change my drawers in the kitchen. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.
8. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
9. Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny color and not fit to drink.
10. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
11. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at 6:00 am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
12. The man next door has a large erection in the garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
13. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two small children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.
14. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.
15. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.


 

Shakespeare said...

Received this one from a friend.
However, having forgotten most of my Shakespeare of the academic years, 'am not very sure the 'words' below were really from Shakespeare!
Whosever they be, they do make immense sense... !!!

Shakespeare said:
I always feel happy, You know why?
Because I don't expect anything from anyone,
Expectations always hurt..Life is short.. So love your life..
Be happy..
And Keep smiling..
Just Live for yourself, and:
Before you speak…Listen
Before you write…Think
Before you spend…Earn
Before you pray…Forgive
Before you hurt…Feel
Before you hate…Love
Before you quit…Try
Before you die…Live
That's Life...Feel it, Live it & Enjoy it.

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

Ten Commandments to be followed in life always



  1. Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble; it is a "steering wheel" that directs us in the right path throughout life.
  2. Do you know why a car's WINDSHIELD is so large & the rear view mirror is so small? Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. So, look ahead and move on.
  3. Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write.
  4. All things in life are temporary. If going well enjoy them, they will not last forever. If going wrong don't worry, they can't last long either.
  5. Old friends are like Gold! New friends are Diamonds! If you get a Diamond, don't forget the Gold! Because to hold a Diamond, you always need a base of Gold!
  6. Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says, "Relax, sweetheart, it's just a bend, not the end!
  7. When GOD solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when GOD doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities.
  8. A blind person asked St. Anthony: "Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your vision."
  9. When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them; and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.
  10. WORRYING does not take away tomorrow's TROUBLES; it takes away today's PEACE.

Sunday, 29 May 2011

complete vs finished !!!


No English dictionary has been able to explain  the difference between the two words - 'complete' and 'finished'  in a way that's so easy to understand:

Some people say there is no difference  b
etween  'complete 'and 'finished ' 
but there is:

When you marry the right one, you are  
COMPLETE....

And when you marry the wrong one, you are  
FINISHED.....

And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ...
COMPLETELY FINISHED !!!
 

Saturday, 28 May 2011

Thoughts for the day with a bit of humour-- some new but all worth the laugh!!

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.  

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.  

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.  

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.  

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement  .

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.  

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.  

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt  .  
Ageing: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved. 


When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
 
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks. 

One of the many things no one tells you about ageing is that it is such a nice change from being young. 

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
 
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down. 

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf

Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth... AMEN..!!

Monday, 16 May 2011

3 Wives in a Compound....

Imagine......

Living with 3 Wives in one compound,

and never leaving the House

for  5 years -                 !!!!!

I think

Osama called the US Navy Seals himself....

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

The Pastor's Ass

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won..

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey, that he entered it in the Race
again, and it won again...

The local paper read:
*PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT*

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered
the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read:
*BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS. *
**
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
of the donkey.

The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline
the next day:
**NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. *

The bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so
she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:
* NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10. *

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
the Donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run Wild..

The next day the headlines read:
**NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE**

The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . .. *Being concerned about public opinion
can bring you much grief and misery .. . Even shorten your life. *

So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and
You'll be a lot happier....and Live longer!

Sunday, 8 May 2011

Precise Mathematics ADDS UP!

Mathematics:
This comes from 2 math teachers
with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic.
It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint..it goes like this:

What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
By the way DISHONEST = 113!
Now you know why some people are where they are!