THE LAWS THAT NEWTON FORGOT TO TELL US ABOUT

THE LAWS THAT NEWTON FORGOT TO TELL US ABOUT

THE LAW OF BREAD

When the buttered slice of bread falls it always lands on the buttered side.

THE LAW OF THE QUEUE

 If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you're in now.

THE LAW OF TELEPHONE

When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

THE LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

THE LAW OF THE WORKSHOP

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

THE LAW OF THE ALIBI

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.

THE BATH THEOREM

When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

THE LAW OF ENCOUNTERS

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

THE LAW OF THE RESULT

 When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

THE LAW OF BIOMECHANICS

 The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THE THEATRE RULE

 People with the seats furthest from the aisle arrive last.

THE LAW OF COFFEE

As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold

Loving husband

A man had two of the best tickets for the Rugby World Cup Final.  As
he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in
the seat next to him.  "No .... ,"  he says,  "the seat is empty."
"This is incredible ..... !"  said the man,  "who in their right mind
would have a seat like this for the Rugby Cup Final, the biggest
sporting event of the Rugby World and not use it ....... ?"
He says,  "Well actually, the seat belongs to me.  My wife was
supposed to come with me, but she passed away.  This is the first Cup
Final we haven't been to, together, since we got married .... ......"
"Oh . . ..  I'm sorry to hear that.  That's terrible.  I guess you
couldn't find someone else, a friend, or relative, or even a
neighbour, to take the seat .... ?"
The man shakes his head . . ..,  "No ....... .  They're all at her funeral."

--
Maxwell Pereira IPS (Retd.)
3725 Sector-23, Gurgaon-122017

Ten Valuable Lessons To Learn From Japan

From: peter ferns on 14 September 2011

 

   Ten Valuable Lessons To Learn From Japan

      The Calmness : Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. Sorrow itself has been elevated.

      The Dignity : Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a crude gesture.

      The Ability : The incredible architects, for instances, buildings swayed but didn't fall.

      The Grace: People bought only what they needed for the present, so everybody could get something.

      The Order : No looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just sheer understanding.

      The Sacrifice : Fifty workers stayed back to pump sea water in the Nuclear reactors. How will ever be repaid?

      The Tenderness : Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong cared for the weak.

      The Training : The old and the children, everyone knew exactly what to do. And they did just that.

      The Media : They showed magnificent restraint in the bulletins. No silly reporters. Only calm reportage.

      The Conscience : When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the shelves and left quietly.

(Sources)

Socrates - Interesting! :)

Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumour or spread gossip.

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

'Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.

"That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"

The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was having an affair with  his wife. -

Something to think about.........

Holy Humour

From: Peter Fernandes on 8 September 2011

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments!! "answered the lady.

"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, its morning."

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

A teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.

The parish priest was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the parish priest paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up!"
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The National Anthem"
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk…!

Biblical humor

You've probably read some of these before. But they'll still bring a smile to your lips.

What's more important: if you don't get the joke, then find out why. That's one way of getting to know the Bible better!

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?

A. Ruthless.

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?

A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?

A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?

A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?

A. The area around Jordan . The banks were always overflowing.

Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?

A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?

A. Joshua, son of Nun.

Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark ?

A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.

PS.. Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?

Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . . 'He-brews'

9/11 Story

I received this one in the mail - one of the many stories I have received over the years since 9/11. It is claimed to be true - I can never say! It has a message that God is always in control, which I believe in....

 

 

A man from Norfolk, VA called a local radio station to share this on Sept 11th, 2003, TWO YEARS AFTER THE TRAGEDIES OF 9/11/2001.

His name was Robert Matthews. These are his words:

A few weeks before Sept. 11th, my wife and I found out we were going to have our first child. She planned a trip out to California to visit her sister. On our way to the airport, we prayed that God would grant my wife a safe trip and be with her. Shortly after I said 'amen', we both heard a loud pop and the car shook violently. We had blown out a tire. I replaced the tire as quickly as I could, but we still missed her flight. Both were very upset as we drove home.

I received a call from my father who was retired NYFD. He asked what my wife's flight number was; but I explained that we missed the flight.

My father informed me that her flight was the one that crashed into the 'Southern Tower'. I was too shocked to speak. My father also had more news for me; he was going to help. 'This is not something I can just sit by for; I have to do something.'

I was concerned for his safety, of course, but more because he had never given his life to Christ. After a brief debate, I knew his mind was made up. Before he got off of the phone, he said, 'take good care of my grandchild'. Those were the last words I ever heard my father say; he died while helping in the rescue effort.

My joy that my prayer of safety for my wife had been answered quickly became anger. I was angry at God, at my father, and at myself. I had gone for nearly two years blaming God for taking my father away. My son would never know his grandfather, my father had never accepted Christ, and I never got to say goodbye.

Then something happened. About two months ago, I was sitting at home with my wife and my son, when there was a knock on the door. I looked at my wife, but I could tell she wasn't expecting anyone. I opened the door to a couple with a small child.

The man looked at me and asked if my father's name was Jake Matthews. I told him it was. He quickly grabbed my hand and said, 'I never got the chance to meet your father, but it is an honour to meet his son'.

He explained to me that his wife had worked in the World Trade Centre and had been caught inside after the attack. She was pregnant and had been caught under debris. He then explained that my father had been the one to find his wife and free her. My eyes welled up with tears as I thought of my father giving his life for people like this. He then said, 'there is something else you need to know'.

His wife then told me that as my father worked to free her, she talked to him and led him to Christ. I began sobbing at the news.

Now I know that when I get to Heaven, my father will be standing beside Jesus to welcome me, and that this family would be able to thank him themselves.

When their baby boy was born, they named him Jacob Matthew, in honour of the man who gave his life so that a mother and baby could live.

This story should help us all to realize this: God is always in control.

We may not see the reason behind things, and we may never know this side of heaven, but God is ALWAYS in control.

Possibly you may like to share this amazing story. Possibly you may not. But you may also never know the impact it may have on someone. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

GOD is Great … and it does not matter what Name, Shape, Gender or Colour we give to HIM. Most important is that we all should thank HIM for HE is good. His love endures Forever.

MAY GOD BLESS YOU & YOUR FAMILY, AND MAY YOU LIVE IN THE ASSURANCE AND SECURITY THAT HE IS ALWAYS THERE ...