Poor Husbands

Position of a Husband Is just like a Split AC 
No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor
He is designed to remain Silent indoor...

"Husband is one who is the head of the family,
but his wife is the neck, and whichever way she turns, he goes."

A man in Hell asked the Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making the call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means - With Idiot For Ever

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one every day.

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are..
Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?
Husband: A lovely Push...! 

Jokes from Boston based Raphael

When Your Hut Is On Fire 

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island.  He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him.  

Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. 

Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect himself from the elements, and to store his few possessions. 

One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, 'God! How could you do this to me?' 

Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him!

'How did you know I was here?' asked the weary man of his rescuers. 

'We saw your smoke signal,' they replied. 

The Moral of This Story: 

It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering.

---------------------------------

Can you drive a truck?

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."
 
 Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land."
 
 Today, Congress has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!
 
 I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc . . . I called a Suicide Hot line...
 
 I had to press 1 for English. I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal.
 
 They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck . . .
 
 
P.S. These are recycled jokes. I hope you like them. If not let me know.

Raphael Maliakal

Shape of future at hand!

Shared with all by Peter Fernandes from Mumbai....

 

Subject: Future Shock... ??!!!

 

Coming changes...

This is already happening -  much too fast for the old brigade !!!

 

Whether these changes are good or bad depends in part on how we adapt to them. But, ready or not, here they come!

 

1.  The Post Office.  

Get ready to imagine a world without the post office. They are so deeply in financial trouble that there is probably no way to sustain it long term. 

Email, Fed Ex, and UPS have just about wiped out the minimum revenue needed to keep the post office alive. Most of your mail every day is junk mail and bills. 

 

2. The Check or cheque. 

Britain is already laying the groundwork to do away with checks by 2018. It costs the financial system billions of dollars a year to process checks. Plastic cards and on line transactions will lead to the eventual demise of the check. This plays right into the death of the post office If you never paid your bills by mail and never received them by mail, the post office would absolutely go out of business. 

 

3. The Newspaper. 

The younger generation simply doesn't read the newspaper. They certainly don't subscribe to a daily delivered print edition. That may go the way of the milkman and the laundry man. As for reading the paper on line, get ready to pay for it. The rise in mobile Internet devices and e-readers has caused all the newspaper and magazine publishers to form an alliance. They have met with Apple, Amazon, and the major cell phone companies to develop a model for paid subscription services. 

 

4. The Book. 

You say you will never give up the physical book that you hold in your hand and turn the literal pages. I said the same thing about downloading music from iTunes. I wanted my hard copy CD. But I quickly changed my mind when I discovered that I could get albums for half the price without ever leaving home to get the latest music. The same thing will happen with books. You can browse a bookstore on line and even read a preview chapter before you buy. And the price is less than half that of a real book. And think of the convenience! Once you start flicking your fingers on the screen instead of the book, you find that you are lost in the story, can't wait to see what happens next, and you forget that you're holding a gadget instead of a book. 

 

5. The Land Line Telephone. 

Unless you have a large family and make a lot of local calls, you don't need it anymore. Most people keep it simply because they're always had it. But you are paying double charges for that extra service. All the cell phone companies will let you call customers using the same cell provider for no charge against your minutes. 

 

6. Music. 

This is one of the saddest parts of the change story. The music industry is dying a slow death. Not just because of illegal downloading. It's the lack of innovative new music being given a chance to get to the people who would like to hear it. Greed and corruption is the problem. The record labels and the radio conglomerates simply self-destruction. Over 40% of the music purchased today is "catalogue items," meaning traditional music that the public is familiar with. Older established artists. This is also true on the live concert circuit. To explore this fascinating and disturbing topic further, check out the book, 

"Appetite for Self-Destruction" by Steve Knopper, and the video documentary, "Before the Music Dies." 

 

7. Television. 

Revenues to the networks are down dramatically. Not just because of the economy. People are watching TV and movies streamed from their computers. And they're playing games and doing all lots of other things that take up the time that used to be spent watching TV. Prime time shows have degenerated down to lower than the lowest common denominator. Cable rates are skyrocketing and commercials run about every 4 minutes and 30 seconds. 

 

8. The "Things" That You Own. 

Many of the very possessions that we used to own are still in our lives, but we may not actually own them in the future. They may simply reside in "the cloud." Today your computer has a hard drive and you store your pictures, music, movies, and documents. Your software is on a CD or DVD, and you can always re-install it if need be. But all of that is changing. Apple, Microsoft, and Google are all finishing up their latest "cloud services." That means that when you turn on a computer, the Internet will be built into the operating system. So, Windows, Google, and the Mac OS will be tied straight into the Internet. If you click an icon, it will open something in the Internet cloud. If you save something, it will be saved to the cloud. And you may pay a monthly subscription fee to the cloud provider. 

 

In this virtual world, you can access your music or your books, or your whatever from any laptop or handheld device. That's the good news. But, will you actually own any of this "stuff" or will it all be able to disappear at any moment in a big "Poof?" Will most of the things in our lives be disposable and whimsical? It makes you want to run to the closet and pull out that photo album, grab a book from the shelf, or open up a CD case and pull out the insert. 

 

9. Privacy. 

If there ever was a concept that we can look back on nostalgically, it would be privacy. That's gone. It's been gone for a long time anyway. There are cameras on the street, in most of the buildings, and even built into your computer and cell phone. But you can be sure that 24/7 "They" know who you are and where you are, right down to the GPS coordinates, and the Google Street View. If you buy something, your habit is put into a zillion profiles, and your ads will change to reflect those habits. And "They" will try to get you to buy something else. Again and again.

 

All we will have that can't be changed are Memories......

 

Strange Coincidence

"This year we will experience 4 unusual dates....

1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11,

....Now figure this:
Take the last 2 digits of the year you were born plus the age you will be this year and it will EQUAL.....111"

Richest man in India

With all the sacks of onions under him, this man's being touted as the richest man in India today...

Old Friends

From: Raphael Maliakal on 27 January 2011

 

Old friends are like Gold! New friends are Diamonds!
If you get a Diamond, don't forget the Gold!
Because to hold a Diamond, you always need a base of Gold!

Raphael Maliakal

-------------------------------------------

From: leo cunha on 28 January 2011

raphael,
  the new year seems to have inspired you in more ways than one.  in addition to the humor, i see a touch of the philosophical.  way to go man  ............    have a nice day   ....   leo

How to not get older, just wiser!!

Prayer

L ord,   You know that I am growing older.   K eep   me from becoming talkative and possessed with the idea that I must express myself on every subject.   R elease   me from the craving to straighten out everyone's affairs.   K eep   me from the recital of endless detail. Give me wings to get to the point.   S eal   my lips when I am inclined to tell of my aches and pains. They are increasing with the years and my love to speak of them grows sweeter as time goes by .   T each   me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be wrong.   M ake   me thoughtful but not nosy; helpful but not bossy.     W ith   my vast store of wisdom and experience, it does seem a pity not to use it all. But you know Lord, I want a few friends at the end !

 

Profiling....

A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Sarson Da Tel?"
The clerk says "Are you a Sikh"?
The customer, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something:
If I had asked for Italian Olive Oil, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for some Irish whisky, would you ask if I was Irish?
The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
The customer says, "Well then, because I asked for Sarson Da Tel, why did you say I am Sikh?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in a Liquor Store."

London Fire...

In a run-down part of East London, a fire destroyed a dilapidated four-storey house that had been divided into four flats.
A Nigerian family of six Internet con artists and full time 'benefit cheats' lived on the first floor... all six tragically perished in the fire.
A group of seven Islamic welfare cheats, all illegally in the country, lived on the second floor... they too, all perished in the fire.
Six Albanian, gang banger, ex-cons - all claiming political asylum and living off the state for free, occupied the 3rd floor... they too died.
But the middle aged Indian couple who lived on the top floor miraculously survived.
The Equal Opportunities Commission, Amnesty International, Human Rights Activists, Black Community Leaders and British Islamic Council were all furious at the apparent racial inequality of the situation.
Why was just the Indian couple saved? Questions were raised in the House of Commons, the popular media picked up the story and within hours it was National and indeed International news.
Boris Johnson, Mayor of London, when questioned stated calmly that it would be unwise to jump to conclusions until all of the Emergency Services had completed their report. He closed by stating that he expected their initial assessment to be available within the next 36 hours – so perhaps it would be best to let the experts gather the evidence and report back before he commented any further.
A large motorcade of representatives from all five groups, together with the Home Secretary drove to the area, having demanded a meeting with the local Chief Fire Officer. They made sure that a large pack of popular Press and TV had been briefed on the visit and so the motorcade was met by a huge gaggle of journalists, TV interviewers and cameras.
On camera, they loudly demanded to know why the Africans, Muslims and Albanians all died in the fire and only the Indian couple lived.
One bemused Chief Fire Officer quietly replied...
"Because they were both at work."

2011.0123: Mumbai - with Norman Lobo & fly

Thank you Cyril, Sigismund, Terrence and Raphael... for responding to my mail on the Bombay visit. Sorry if the photographs were confusing...
I have uploaded the lot with individual captions on to a picasa album on the web - and you can view them at the link http://picasaweb.google.com/maxpk44/20110123MumbaiWithNormanFly?authkey=Gv1sRgCP2Az_Cxj7-V8gE#
Hope this viewing will be less confusing.
Warm regards,
Maxie

On 23 January 2011 18:13, Cyril Veliath wrote:

Dear Maxie

Thanks a million for those lovely snaps. I can recognize you and Norman, but I wish I knew who the other people in the snaps were. Also, I would like to know whose wedding it was. Do put it up in the blog and give us an explanation. Be sure to convey my best wishes to Norman and his family.

Take care and God bless you all.

Cyril Veliath

On Sun, Jan 23, 2011 at 4:24 PM, Maxwell wrote:
Hey you guys..
I spent a night at Norman Lobo's and his family in Mumbai; and today we had a late morning walk in the sun around Mount Mary's to Bandra Fort during which I went on a clicking spree. Thought I wil share the lot with y'all.
Will send separately the few pictures I clicked at Leo's in Baangalore.

With warm regards,
Maxie
You have been sent 39 pictures.

Maxwell at Leo's on 15 Jan 2011

During my rcent visit to Bangalore, spent a quiet and enjoyable evening with Leo and Philippa at their serene appartment on Miller Road. My niece Malini had accompanied me, and our classmate Jossie Rego was there too with his wife Yvonne.
The conversation - mostly dominated by Jossie and his discourse on defending the faith - was spirited and lively; but the photography was a disaster - had managed to click just a few randomly, and forgot to get myself in any of them!
Just a few displayed here, but the rest can be viewed at my picasa web albums by clicking on the link:
https://picasaweb.google.com/maxpk44/20110115LeoS?authkey=Gv1sRgCOCCt7aq-IfC9AE#

British Newspaper classified ads

Dr. Talwar's Clinic
Church Road, CAERAU, CARDIFF CF5 5LQ
Tel: 029 20 403197 Mobile: 0771 485 6975

UK CLASSIFIED ADS

You have to love British humour!
These are classified ads which were actually placed in a UK newspaper:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old.
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES.
1/2 Cocker Spaniel,
1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is an oldie but fantastic! ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Refrigerator

Refrigerator

It got crowded in heaven. So it was decided that, for one day, only people who had really had a bad day on the day they died will be accepted. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair. So I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died." St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!" St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died", he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator.... and I had a great fall"

The dog

 

An oldish, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks. Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.' The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with non-stop chatting wife, 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?

Maxwell on television.......

On 2 January 2011 03:59, Arun Talwar <arunstalwar@gmail.com; wrote:
Dear Maxie,
Congratulations !!
We were pleasantly surprised to see you on the NDTV last night discussing about the Dr. Talwar murder case.
Maxie, you were just brilliant and outstanding. So was the scarf you had on!!
Maxie we are very proud of you, and please don't forget to advice us the next time you are to appear onTV.
Love
Arun
------------------------------------------------------

Dear Arun and Chand,

Wonderful to hear you were watching NDTV in Cardiff on New Year's eve - and caught a glimpse of me in the debate on the Arushi Talwar murder
case of NOIDA (UP). On NDTV the clip I believe was for not more than two or three minutes?

In fact I was also on TimesNow channel at the same time the previous night on the same topic - but for a debate that lasted more than an hour (from 9pm local to past 10pm local): the NewsHour programme anchored by Arnab Goswami - it was a high profile line up of panellists too: fiery activist women's rights lawyer Flavia Agnes from Bombay; celebrated author and columnist Shobha De also from Mumbai; Supreme Court senior lawyer Pinki Anand; former CBI Director VijayRamaRao; former Addl Solicitor Genl of India Vikas Singh; and the rear-guard pidlywig ex-cop from Delhi yours truly Maxwell Pereira!

And on the day previous to that too (the day CBI filed their closure report in the Aarushi case in court) I was on the TV-channel CNN-IBN, also on the same topic.

Though after return from my travels - this October onwards - I tried keeping away from the channels for some time, in the month of December
they did not spare me; have appeared on some channel or the other every other day, if not everyday as it happened in the last week of the year. So it really becomes a bit difficult to inform friends in advance, especially since more often than not there is hardly enough advance notice given to me too by the channel, and all my appearances are live and never pre-recorded! Even so, I will try to inform if possible.

With warm regards, and wishes for 2011 once again...
Maxie

Arun wishes all the very best for 2011

A New Year's wish for You and Yours... Best wishes from Arun, Chand , Annu and Kabir. May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your ophthalmologist, your psychiatrist, your cardiologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your gynaecologist, your podiatrist, your plumber, and the REVENUE Dept May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your love handles, and your stocks never fall, and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count, your weight, and your property assessments never increase. May you be sensitive to the needs of others and may you create within yourself a balance of your own needs. May you laugh at yourself and realize if you were supposed to touch your toes while exercising, the Lord would have placed them further up, and may you realize the reason so many people take up jogging is to hear heavy breathing again. May what you see in the mirror delight you and what others see in you delight them. May someone love you enough to accept and forgive your faults and be blind to your blemishes, and tell the whole world about your virtues. May you live in a world at peace, with an awareness of the beauty of every sunset, every flower, every child's smile, and every wonderful astonishing beat of your own heart. If by laughter, I can cause you to wipe one tear from your cheek, that is my only reward. Above all, may you continue to smile, may your life be filled with laughter, and may you never forget the words found in the Book of Proverbs ... "A gloomy spirit rots the bones; but a merry heart is like good medicine."

Dr. appointment

From: Raphael Maliakal on 30 December 2010

Beware! Don't mess around with retirees....
Yesterday I had an appointment to see the urologist for a Prostate exam.
Of course I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted.
The waiting room was filled with patients.
As I approached the receptionist's desk, I noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. I gave her my name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me, a now very embarrassed man.
But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,
"NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."
The room erupted in applause!
DON'T MESS WITH OLD RETIRED GUYS!!!

Are these jokes below standard? I thought it is funny and has a passing rating.
Let me know.
Happy New Year.

Raphael Maliakal

On 30 December 2010 08:41, leo cunha <leocunha@airtelmail.in> wrote:

dear raphael
  your jokes are just fine, my good ole classmate, keep them coming!!  in any case we are beyond the status of adults, far too old to be embarassed or corrupted.
  a happy new year to you, tessie, and extended family.  have a nice one

  ....Leo Cunha

Wife turns 65

From: Raphael Maliakal on 27 December 2010
Subject: Wife turns 65
Live, Love, Laugh
A man wanted to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party.
So he ordered a birthday cake on phone. The salesman asked him what message he wanted to put on the cake.
He thought for a moment and said, put "getting older but you are getting
better".
The salesman asked "how do you want me to put it?"
The man said 'Well...put "You are getting older" at the top and
"but you are getting better" at the bottom.
When the cake was unveiled at the party all the guests were aghast at the
message on the cake.
It read: "You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at
the bottom".
Moral of the Story:
1. Always proof-read everything before you send.
2. Don't trust others to write it right for you.
3. Don't order cakes by telephone.

Raphael Maliakal

Hi from Peter Fernades in Mangalore: on 21 dECEMBER 2010

Dear Peter,

Thank you for the updates on your Christmas programmes.

Let me use the opportunity to wish you and all yours, a Merry Christmas, and a very Happy New Year.

God Bless,

Maxie

On 21 December 2010 08:42, Peter Fernandes <peterlfern@live.com> wrote:

Hi Maxie,
Reading the recent joke on our Blog I only hope it does not amount to glorifying sinful life.
As informed you earlier, I arrived in Mangalore with Goretti 2 days ago for a fortnight's stay.
There are more than a couple of celebrations in my family during the X'mas week. It is going to be an almost total family's reunion after many years with added new members! My car will be handy for local movement. Time-permitting I also I intend meeting few of our classmates.
A very happy Christmas to you and your family from both of us.
Best regards,
Peter

A Good time

From: Dr Trilochan A. Bailur, Anegundi Road, Bijai, MANGALORE 575004 on 17 December 2010 22:38

My kind of Sunday School teacher !!!
 
The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services and taught Sunday School every week.
 
On one Sunday, an out of town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her. He noted what a fine looking woman she was.

While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said "Hey, how about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?"
 
"Why yes, that would be nice!" the lady responded.
 
Well, the gentleman couldn't believe his luck. On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of South Carolina.
 
When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at her and suggested "Would you like a cocktail before dinner?"

"Oh, no!" said our circumspect fine example of southern womanhood "What would I tell my Sunday School class?"
 
 Well, our gentleman was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner, when he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked "Would you like a smoke?"
 
 "Oh my goodness no." said the woman. "I couldn't face my Sunday School class if I did?"
 
 Well, our boy felt pretty low after that, so they left, got in his car and as he was driving the lady home, they passed the local Holiday Inn. He'd been morally rebuffed twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose so he ventured forth with "Ahhh .. mmmm how would you like to stop at this motel?"
 
 "Sure, that would be nice!" she said in anticipation.
 
The gentleman couldn't believe his ears, and did a fast u-turn right then and there, and drove back to the motel and checked in.
 
 The next morning, after a wild and passionate night of the most incredible sex and perversions imaginable, the gentleman awoke first.
 
 He looked at the lovely Dixie darling lying there in the bed and with remorse thought "What the hell have I done?"
 
 He shook her awake and pleaded "I've got to ask you one thing, what are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"
 
 The lady said "The same thing I always tell them. You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time."
 
 
 .....which is what I always say.

 

Blond joke

From: Raphael Maliakal on 16 December 2010 09:01

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
 
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
 
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
 
The blonde says, "God help us.  Has it come to this?
  
Give me 22 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 16 Baptists

Raphael Maliakal

Margarette and Christopher D'Silva visit Norfolk With Kenneth, Dedra and Grand Children.

From: Raphael Maliakal ON 13 December 2010 08:15

Margarette and Christopher's grand Children Aden, Brenda & Conner View Photo If you are having problems viewing this email, copy and paste the following into your browser: http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/OrCpAcx2TiQgXH71h_JaKw?feat=email

Article in today's Indian Express

The first media coverage for CCM in the Christmas Season this year...

--
Maxwell Pereira IPS (Retd.)
3725 Sector-23, Gurgaon-122017

2010Nov10: From Raphael

(...to Sigismond - and shared with all)

Thanks for all the details. I feel like coming there to (Sakaleshpur) disturb your peace and solitude. Only the pictures are missing. I hope Leo took pictures and is downloading them.
 
After Christmas, Tessy is going for her nephew's wedding in Cochin for three weeks. I will not be able to go this time because of a court date. I will spend the rest of the time with children who live not too far. My oldest Sindu who lives only 20 miles away, has adopted a baby girl Divya (4 1/2 years) from Kerala. She has two boys of her own Sachin (10), Rohan (7).
 
My son Ashok has two children Cyril (6) and Anna (3) and lives in New Jersey about 250 miles away. My youngest daughter is expecting twins sometime in March 2011. She lives 150 miles away in Portland Maine.
 
I am sending a link to pictures of a party Sindu gave to welcome Divya. 
www.picasaweb.google.com/premmenachery
Prem Menachery takes a lot of pictures. You will have to select the right album to see Divya Party.

Sincerely 

Raphael Maliakal

2010Nov10: from Sigismond

Yes, I am not good at sending emails. But, dear Raphael, I might as well detail the mini reunion held at my place before anyone else does. The 2 couples, i.e. Prabhakar, Leo and their wives and Hector, who came alone because Elvira had jaundice, met at my place Saturday last. Harriet and my daughter, Reena, were here to help me entertain them.  Leo, who had an earlier experience here and certainly liked it, arrived a day earlier, on Friday.  Prabhakar and Radhika brought along Hector in his car.  We had a very nice time, full of nature, an occasional drizzle, and the crickets and birds added to the fun. We had to share all the chores since I do not entertain servants inside the house, but everybody helped willingly. Prabhakar's military quota beer and rum kept us all merry.  The two guest bedrooms were vast enough for comfort and attached bath/toilet with generous hot water heated by two 'Gujarat boilers' with the help of firewood galore from the estate added to the comfort.  Unfortunately, the weather was not the traditional wintry cold - blame the global warming which is gradually creating havoc in the Western ghats.

 

We drove in two cars to my brother's estate, 10 kms. away, to visit Redmond who had joined us for lunch. An even larger house, old and traditional, occupied by 4 brothers and a sister (none of them married, hence, happy as a senior-citizen family) welcomed us. My friends got lost in the labyrinth having 8 bedrooms and were amazed at its vastness. We had just enough time to step into the 100 year old coffee plantation before it was dark. They also saw the coffee pulper, but I could not take them to the cattle shed and the gobar gas unit.

 

On Sunday, after Harriet, Reena and myself returned from 7 O'clock mass at a nearby place, and breakfast of chapathies, bread, butter and marmalade, washed down with home-produce coffee,  I showed them around the estate. We had a quick lunch - a balanced Chinese fried rice - before Prabhakar and company left at 1.30. I drove Leo, Philipa, Harriet and Reena to Hassan, 20 kms. away, to put them into their respective buses, seats reserved.  And now, here I am all alone once again. Do I regret?  Not at all, I love, equally, solitude. We will meet next at Hector's beautiful, large house in Bangalore on 18th December. Till then au revoir!

 

from Raphael on 9th Nov 2010

I also noticed that emails have stopped flying around. I know some of us sent too many emails. It may have made some feel it is all junk mail.
 
I hope everyone will send at least one email a month and keep the hype going. Send pictures of mini reunions. Send good news and important news and share it.
 
Sincerely

Raphael Maliakal

God be praised...

Dear Lionel...

 

God be praised!

Glad you have successfully treated your eyes. One is horrified at the thought of putting oneself in the hands of doctors and emerging with an adverse result instead of the remedial cure expected.

On the "SAC-batch of 1960" front, things have been a bit dull and quiet lately - except a get-together reported by Jossie Rego about our Bangalore based batchmates with their wives meeting over dinner at his place recently. He even sent some pictures of the evening, which for some reason I haven't been able to upload onto our Class-Blog yet.

 

I suppose after all the CWG hypes - both regarding the tally of medals won, and the corruption scandals; followed by the Adarsh Housing Society for Kargil Heros scam at Mumbai; and the more proximate Obama visit that gripped our volatile and emotion filled nation silly - there's been no respite nor room for anything else! Never a dull moment in our country, I must say!

 

With warm regards,

 

Maxie

 

 

From: <elfahoist@indiatimes.com>

Date: 9 November 2010 21:06
Subject: Re: Commonwealth Games - 2010
To: Maxwell Pereira <mfjpkamath@gmail.com>

Hi Maxi,
You must be wondering where I disappeared after our memorable reunion. I had to undergo cataract operation which went bad & had to redo laser treatment. Anyway by the Grace of God I can see with both my eyes.
With love,
Lionel Vasant

 

Marriage in Heaven

From: Peter Fernandes in Mumbai
Date: 27 October 2010 22:36

CAN WE GET MARRIED IN HEAVEN?

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.

The couple sat and waited for an answer.... For a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work?

Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"

Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. 

 

Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?"

Scam

From: Raphael Maliakal in Boston
Date: 27 October 2010

 

I got an email from Claudius Pias that he needs help. It is a fake letter. I have seen similar letters from other friends. I hope Claudius has taken care of it. He should change pass word and/or email address.

Sincerely

 

Raphael Maliakal

Commonwealth Games - 2010

India did it, after all....
Despite all controversy over lack of preparedness, inefficiency, confusion and corruption, India gave the world, and the Commonwealth, its best Games ever.

Its total tally of 101 medals was an unimaginable best ever, beside its triumph at pipping England to the second best position in the over all ranking of medals tally based on the number of gold medals won. With 2 more golds won on the final day taking their total golds to 38, India overtook England's gold tally of 37, a figure which England had reached with a whopping haul of six golds on the penultimate day.
In the fitness of things, the Closing Ceremony also show-cased the martial arts tradition of India performed by 800 artistes from different states of India. Not many know that the now much touted judo, kung-fu, tae-kwan-do and related Chinese, Korean and Japanese martial arts all evolved from our own Kerala;s Kalaripayattu - knowledge of which was carried to mainland China by the greatest of (Chinese) voyagers ever even before the time of all the great voyagers we studied about in history recorded by the British to suit their agenda.
Maxie

--
Maxwell Pereira IPS (Retd.)
3725 Sector-23, Gurgaon-122017

Scholarship Fund.

Date: Wed, 13 Oct 2010 15:28:06 +0530
Subject: Scholarship Fund.
From: walterstevesj@gmail.com

Latest update on Scholarship Fund. Contributions received:

1. Victor Currie - Rs.5.000
2. Fr.Cyril Veliath - $100 (App. Rs.4,500/-)

Please forward this mail to Class of 1960.

 

 

With warm regards,

 

 

Walter

something I forgot to share with you earlier: Article on St Aloysius published in Times of India on 11 Jan 2005

Friends,

Sharing with you an old article written by me almost six years ago on St. Aloysius'.and published in the Times of India Mangalore on January 11th 2005 - on the occasion of the jubilee, the 125th Anniversary of the institution.

Regards,

Maxie

Fantastic_Trip by NASA

Someone put this thing together....
Amazing!!!!!
Thanks Jossie..
Maxie

On 10 October 2010 06:30, Joseph Rego <regojs@yahoo.com> wrote:
Fantastic Trip by NASA - Worth a watch.

Just the right warning!!

From: Trilochan Bailur
Just see what a few judicious words veiling a threat can accomplish!!

Just the right warning!!

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he
insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.

'Yes, Dad, what is it?'

'Don't be nervous son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't
go well...... if something happens to me, your mother is going to come
and live with you and your wife.'

The surgery was a great success.

Love children???

From: Trilochan Bailur on 19 September 2010.................

 

Love children???

Why do we love children?   NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!' OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents ..' KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now She's hitting the bottle. MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?' POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?  Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?' POLICE #2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do? ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!' DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.' DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!' BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!' NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT.

Classy & Witty - Steven Wright Quotes

STEVEN WRIGHT QUOTES
 
If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things differently than most of us do, to our amazement and amusement. Here are some of his gems:
  
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
 
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
 
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
 
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
 
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
 
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
 
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
  
9 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
 
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
 
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ..... but she left me before we met.
  
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
 
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
 
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
 
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
 
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
 
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
 
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
 
19 - I intend to live forever.... so far, so good.
 
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
 
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
  
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
 
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
 
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
  
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
 
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
 
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread
 
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
 
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
  
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
 
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
 
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
  
34 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

Make Your Home Malaria And Dengue Free.

Camphor- The effective & healthy mosquito repellent!  Malaria and Dengue are on a steep rise. We all must be using liquid or the old blue tablet type of mosquito repellents sold under various names. Despite their use, it is common to see mosquitoes hovering around with the best of repellents in action. Secondly, we cannot use these mosquito repellents whole day – be they be of any brand. Thirdly, many people land up with allergies due to them. In the past, man would light diyas and burn camphor on a regular basis as a part of daily puja. These helped to purify the air and keep harmful bacteria, viruses and mosquitoes away! We can definitely have a better and healthy environment with the use of camphor. Camphor or Kapur is a waxy, white or transparent substance extracted from the wood of the Camphor Laurel tree found in Asia. Camphor has many known medicinal uses- It relieves nasal congestion and cough when rubbed on the chest as an oil. Camphor is used as an ingredient in throat lozenges and cough syrups and in Vicks. Camphor is also used in some anti-itch ointments, creams and cooling gels because it is can be absorbed through skin and is effective at treating pain locally. It has an analgesic effect which makes it a favorite oil to be used in pain relieving massage blends for sore muscles and arthritic pain. Camphor is known to improve the quality of air making it a better for our lungs and heart. Many people are not aware of the Mosquito repellent power of Camphor - a simple solution without side effects and very cost effective. CAMPHOR IS A NATURAL MOSQUITO REPELLENT With effect round the clock! You do not need to burn it for that. There are three easier ways to do it -

 

1.        Put 2 tablets of commercially available camphor on any warm surface- the device shown in the picture serves the purpose well. Plug it for an hour and see the results! You can do it twice a day- morning and in the night as well!
2.        Place 2 tablets of camphor on different corners of the room or at places where mosquitoes seem to love to stay! Leave them there and they will evaporate in a day or so keeping the air purer and mosquito free.
3.        Take a wide opened cup or plate with water. Drop 2 tablets of Camphor into the water. Keep the cup with water and camphor in your sleeping room. The quantity of water and camphor may differ from room size. Water evaporate at normal temperature. Camphor slowly started dissolving in water. The water evaporates with Camphor smell. Adding little bit hot water gives instant action. 

 

You will be amazed at the results! Do experience it and help spread these healthy tips! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

--- On Tue, 7/9/10, Iona D <ionai@yahoo.com> wrote:

From: Iona D <ionai@yahoo.com>
Subject: Make Your Home Malaria And Dengue Free.
To: "Trevor DCunha" <trevordcunha@ymail.com>
Date: Tuesday, 7 September, 2010, 11:46 AM

--- On Fri, 9/3/10, Ravi Mullick <ravi.mullick@gmail.com> wrote: From: Ravi Mullick <ravi.mullick@gmail.com> Subject: Fwd: FW: Make Your Home Malaria And Dengue Free. To: ah@astecls.com Date: Friday, September 3, 2010, 4:59 PM ---------- Forwarded message ---------- From: <veerajan@naath.com> Date: Fri, Sep 3, 2010 at 3:33 PM Subject: FW: Make Your Home Malaria And Dengue Free. To: Aarti Singh <aartis25@yahoo.co.in>, "Anuja P. Sharma" <apms84@hotmail.com>, Dileep Patel/Personal <dileeppatel@hotmail.com>, Gayatari Jaiswal <qtqtgj@gmail.com>, Kanwar Vipin Malhotra <kvm@kvmpackaging.net>, Manoj Pant <manojpant@yahoo.com>, Nandan Maluste-Personal <nandan.maluste@gmail.com>, Navjit Ji -2 <dr@dranand.org>, Radhika Nath <NATH.RADHIKA@mahindra.com>, Rajesh Mehra/G-mail <rfmehra@gmail.com>, Rajiv Shrivastva/Personal <rajivns@emirates.net.ae>, Rattan Malhotra <malhotrarattan@gmail.com>, Ravi Mullick <ravi.mullick@gmail.com>, sanjay sethi-2 <ssethi@airtelbroadband.in>, Shahzad Zaffar-G-mail <shahzad.z@gmail.com>, Shloka Nath/G-Mail <shloka.nath@gmail.com>, Sudhir Sood <srsassoc@hathway.com>, Sunil Mehta <sunilsmehta@gmail.com>, Suresh Seth/Personal <slpl12@rediffmail.com>, Savita Shrivastva-G-Mail <savitashrivastva@gmail.com>     From: Jasjit Singh [mailto:jasjitsingh1@gmail.com] Sent: Friday, September 03, 2010 9:32 AM Subject: Make Your Home Malaria And Dengue Free.             DO HELP SPREAD THIS USE OF CAMPHOR TO AS MANY AS YOU CAN!   It's very important and useful for all of us.

 

 

 

--
Maxwell Pereira IPS (Retd.)
3725 Sector-23, Gurgaon-122017

Catholic priest at the races.

...sent in by : Raphael Maliakal on: 8 September 2010

 

One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.

Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race. Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with interest the old priest step onto the track.

Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting gate the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.

Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.

Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race. The priest again blessed a horse.

Mitch bet big on it, and it won. Mitch was elated. As the races continued the priest kept blessing long shot horses, and each one ended up coming in first.

Bye and bye, Mitch was pulling in some serious money. By the last race, he
knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

True to his pattern, the priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day.

Mitch also observed the priest blessing the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.

Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag. He then watched dumbfounded as the old nag come in dead last. Mitch, in a state of shock, made his way down to the track area where the priest was standing.

Confronting the old priest he demanded, "Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a  mile. Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings - all of it."

The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. "Son," he said, "that's the problem with you Protestants, you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites."