"A SHIP ABOUT TO SINK@ -- Pritish Nandy

Dear Veronica,

 

It is sad that this article written by Pritish Nandy in March-2011 is still doing the rounds with a lot of Wow...Wows... I agree that it has been written well, and that much of its contents were relevent at the time when it was written, and I am as enraged and worked up over the scams exposed. But today, sixteen months after and a lot of water has passed under the bridges...(including the insufferable 'Anna' movement by by so-called crusaders with questionable agenda.... and much as I am all for seeing the scamsters all meet the ends of justice....... to me Nandy's good writing sounds no more than rhetoric with an agenda too - and so falls totally flat.

 

The problem with our country is that it is so easy to jump on the band wagon to pull down a government! Had Nandy said one word in his entire piece on what or who is the alternative - whether we can really have the luxury of pulling down governments without concrete steps at preventing bigger rogues from taking over, I am sorry....

 

For me a known rogue is a better bet than an unknown rogue!

And as everyone agrees (...Pritish Nandy too), Manmohan's credentials are still better that others'. He is not a crook or a rogue - and to me he is better than the crooks (known or unknown) waiting for opportunity round the corner....

With regards,

 

Maxie

------------------------------------------

 

 

On 22 July 2012 15:42, veronica peris <veronicaperis2009@gmail.com> wrote:

A SHIP ABOUT TO SINK --- Pritish Nandy
A very well-written article! Please read all the way:

I like Manmohan Singh. He has immaculate credentials. It's these
credentials that have seen the UPA through its most stormy years. If
Singh wasn't Prime Minister, the Government would have collapsed a
long time back. No, not because of its inherent coalition
contradictions but because it's simply not possible for so many crooks
with conflicting agendas to loot the country together, almost as if in
perfect unison. The Indian Political Philharmonic Orchestra must be
the world's most amazing cacophony of rogues, rascals and robbers.
Luckily for the UPA, there was always Singh to fall back on. Most
middle class Indians refuse to be cynical. We know exactly what's
happening around us, we criticise it constantly, but when it comes to
the crunch we all rally around the nation and the flag. We are not
bat-brained paranoids. Neither are we wide-eyed innocents ready to buy
into every ridiculous explanation thrown our way to explain the loot
that's taking place in broad daylight. But the latest season of scams
has flummoxed all. This is not just Alibaba and his chaalis chors.
Everyone among the chaalis chors is another Alibaba with his own forty
thieves. That's the way the pyramid of crime operates today. But
because Singh, soft spoken and self effacing, is the face of this
Government, India has kept faith.

But now, enough is enough. Neither Singh nor Pranab Mukherjee, nor
anyone else is capable any more of saving this Government. It's neck
deep in its own sticky sleaze. What's worse, you haven't seen anything
yet. All these scams are but the tip of the iceberg. Talk to anyone and you will get an instant dhobi list of scams in queue to break. No, I am not saying this. Congress leaders are, in private.
Look at Singh, wan and waylost. Or Mukherjee going apopleptic in faux
anger because he has to defend what he knows is indefensible. They
look less convincing than Rakhi Sawant playing Joan of Arc.

The problem is: We have voted into power the stupidest bunch of thieves. They are such losers that they can't steal a hamburger without leaving ketchup stains all over. Yet they are constantly trying to pull off
the biggest scams in history. From Rs 64 crore in Bofors, they have
upped the ante to Rs 170,0000 crore in 2G and no, I am not including
hundreds of aircraft Air India bought while sinking into bankruptcy
and preposterous sums spent on arms deals that have made India the world's second largest arms buyer when we can't provide food and healthcare to 60% Indians. Our leaders are making deals on the sly with greedy builders, land sharks, illegal mining companies, corporate fixers, shady arms dealers and, O yes, US diplomats who want to manipulate our political choices. And, what's more amazing, they do it like bungling idiots. Even Inspector Clouseau can outwit them.
But that doesn't mean they are not malevolent. These are people who
are destroying India from within. They are not just robbing you, me,
and the exchequer. They are destroying institutions, subverting laws,
vandalising our heritage and history, and trying to build a dazzling,
amoral edifice of crime and corruption unprecedented in the nation's
history. It's a scary scenario that could turn the land of the Mahatma
into one gigantic Gotham City with a flyover to hell.
But my question is more basic: Can we trust these idiots to run this
great nation?
If you travel and meet people across India, you will realise that for
every scam that breaks—and currently there's one breaking every
week—there are ten more waiting in line. The media has never had it so
good! And it's the same gang whose names keep coming up. Kalmadi,
Satish Sharma, Sant Chatwal, Ashok Chavan. The NCP lot.
The DMK. And everyone, in private, is protesting his own innocence,
pointing fingers at someone else. It's a sure sign of a collapsing
regime. It's what happened when Rajiv with a staggering majority in
parliament lost his mandate to govern. Rats alone don't leap off a
sinking ship. So do everyone else.
So even though Singh, like Pontius Pilate, may wash his hands off every scam that hits the headlines, the fact is: The longer this Government stays, the more compromised the Congress will be, and the less capable of coming back to power. You can't allow the sovereignty of a nation to be compromised just to win a confidence vote. You can't bribe MPs to get your way in parliament. You can't allow a shady hotelier, with CBI cases against him, to play roving diplomat and, worse, give him a Padma Bhushan for it. You can't appoint a tainted bureaucrat as the nation's CVC. You can't file a FIR against a corrupt CM and then allow him to melt away. You can't let the prime witness to the nation's biggest scam, who offered to turn approver, be murdered in broad daylight and pretend it's a suicide.
If this is the best this Government can do, it's time to step down.
Pritish Nandy

Whiskey

To all my class-fellows of yesteryears.......

This calls for a peg boys.

An old one but still worth a repeat

You don't have to enjoy whiskey to love this.
If the story is not apocryphal it'll only prove that politicians will be politicians - speaking from all sides of their mouth at the same time.

Subject: Whiskey
*Here my friends is a choice between the devil and divine!*
Choice is yours, no one can explain it better than Armon did half a century ago.
*WHISKEY*
In 1952, Armon M. Sweat, Jr., a member of the Texas House of
Representatives, was asked about his position on whiskey. What follows is his answer, taken from the State Archives:
"If you mean whiskey, the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the
bloody monster that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean that evil drink that topples Christian men and women from the pinnacles of righteous and gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, shame, despair, helplessness, and hopelessness, then, my friend, I am opposed to it with every fiber of my being.
However, if by whiskey you mean the lubricant of conversation, the philosophic juice, the elixir of life, the liquid that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer, the stimulating sip that puts a little spring in the step of an elderly gentleman on a frosty morning; if you mean that drink that enables man to magnify his joy, and to forget life's great tragedies and heartbreaks and sorrow; if you mean that drink the sale of which pours into Texas treasuries untold millions of dollars each year, that provides tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitifully aged and infirm, to build the finest highways, hospitals, universities, and community colleges in this nation, then my friend, I am absolutely, unequivocally in favor of it."
This is my position, and as always, I refuse to compromise on
matters of principle."

--
Maxwell Pereira IPS (Retd.)
3725 Sector-23, Gurgaon-122017

9871263322

Understanding Women.....

WOMEN'S REVENGE 'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding her purchased items. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a TV remote control her purse. 'Do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked. 'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.' UNDERSTANDING WOMEN    (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women.   I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.   WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither wanted to concede their position..   As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' 'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.' WORDS A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day, 30,000 to a man's 15,000.   The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband turned and asked, 'What?!' CREATION A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. 'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you! WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were argueing about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first and we won't have to wait so long to get our coffee. The husband said, 'But you are in charge of the cooking so you should do it.' Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, the Bible says the man should do the coffee.' Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.' So she fetched the Bible, opened to the Old Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, where it says, 'HEBREWS'. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a   rough draft before the masterpiece

Fwd: The Gingham Dress....A True story

 THE GINGHAM DRESS

A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband, dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston , and walked timidly without an appointment into the Harvard University President's outer office.

The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard & probably didn't even deserve to be in Cambridge .

"We'd like to see the president," the man said softly.

"He'll be busy all day," the secretary snapped.

"We'll wait," the lady replied.

For hours the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would finally become discouraged and go away.

They didn't, and the secretary grew frustrated and finally decided to
disturb the president, even though it was a chore she always regretted.

"Maybe if you see them for a few minutes, they'll leave," she said to him!

He sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his importance obviously didn't have the time to spend with them, and he detested gingham dresses and homespun suits cluttering up his outer office.

The president, stern faced and with dignity, strutted toward the couple.

The lady told him, "We had a son who attended Harvard for one year. He loved Harvard. He was happy here. But about a year ago, he was accidentally killed. My husband and I would like to erect a memorial to him, somewhere on campus."

The president wasn't touched. He was shocked. "Madam," he said, gruffly, "we can't put up a statue for every person who attended Harvard and died. If we did, this place would look like a cemetery."

"Oh, no," the lady explained quickly. "We don't want to erect a statue. We thought we would like to give a building to Harvard."

The president rolled his eyes. He glanced at the gingham dress and
homespun suit, and then exclaimed, "A building! Do you have any earthly idea how much a building costs? We have over seven and a half million dollars in the physical buildings here at Harvard."

For a moment the lady was silent. The president was pleased. Maybe he could get rid of them now.

The lady turned to her husband and said quietly, "Is that all it cost to
start a university? Why don't we just start our own? "Her husband nodded. The president's face wilted in confusion and bewilderment.

Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford got up and walked away, traveling to Palo Alto, California where they established the university that bears their name, Stanford University , a memorial to a son that Harvard no longer cared about.

You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat those who they think can do nothing for them.

--- A TRUE STORY By Malcolm Forbes

Making a difference: Truly Inspirational!!!

Making a difference:
As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world.  It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither.
 Harold Schlumberg is such a person:
 QUOTE FROM HAROLD:
"I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?' Well...I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and vodka into urine. I do it every day and I really enjoy it."
 Harold should be an inspiration to us all.

first words on gramaphone

The First Words recorded on Gramophone.....

Not many are aware of this!

 

HMV Company had once published a pamphlet giving the history of the gramophone record. Gramophone was invented by Thomas Alva Edison in the 19th century. Edison, who had invented many other gadgets like electric light and the motion picture camera, had become a legend even in his own time.

When He invented the gramophone record, which could record human voice for posterity, he wanted to record the voice of an eminent scholar

on his first piece. For that he chose Prof. Max Muller of Germany, another great personality of the 19th century. He wrote to Max Muller

saying, "I want to meet you and record your voice. When should I come?"

Max Muller who had great respect for Edison asked him to come on a suitable time when most of the scholars of the Europe would be

gathering in England.

Accordingly, Edison took a ship and went to England. He was introduced to the audience. All cheered Edison's presence. Later at the request of Edison, Max Muller came on the stage and spoke in front of the instrument. Then Edison went back to his laboratory and by afternoon came back with a disc. He played the gramophone disc from his instrument. The audience was thrilled to hear the voice of Max Muller from the instrument. They were glad that voices of great persons like Max Muller could be stored for the benefit of posterity.

After several rounds of applause and congratulations to Thomas Alva Edison, Max Muller came to the stage and addressed the scholars

and asked them, "You heard my original voice in the morning. Then you heard the same voice coming out from this instrument in

the afternoon. Did you understand what I said in the morning or what you heard this afternoon?"

The audience fell silent because they could not understand the language in which Max Muller had spoken. It was `Greek and Latin' to them as they say. But had it been Greek or Latin, they would have definitely understood because they were from various parts of Europe. It was in a language which the European scholars had never heard.

Max Muller then explained what he had spoken. He said that the language he spoke was Sanskrit and it was the first sloka of Rig Veda, which says "Agni Meele Purohitam." This was the first recorded public version on the gramophone plate.

Why did Max Muller choose this? Addressing the audience he said, "Vedas are the oldest text of the human race. And Agni Meele Purohitam is the first verse of Rig Veda. In the most primordial time, when the people did not know how even to cover their bodies and lived by hunting and housed in caves, Indians had attained high civilization and they gave the world universal philosophies in the form of the Vedas."

Such is the illustrious legacy of our country!

When "Agni Meele Purohitam" was replayed the entire audience stood up in silence as a mark of respect for the ancient Indian sages.

This verse means:

"Oh Agni, You who gleam in the darkness, To You we come day by day, with devotion and bearing homage. So be of easy access to us, Agni, as a father to his son, abide with us for our well being.

It is sad that such a GREAT civilization has degenerated today into a country brimming with lost values, corruption, and discord in every aspect.

Jokes from Trilochan: 30Jun2012

Smart BOY.....Humour

 

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE SMALL:

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his  Customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a five rupee coin in one hand and two one rupee coins  (1+1=2) in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you  want, son?"
The boy takes the two one rupee coins and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out  of the ice cream store.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take two one rupee coins instead of five rupee coin?"
The boy licked his cone and replied,
"BECAUSE THE DAY I TAKE THE FIVE RUPEE COIN, THE GAME IS OVER"
MORAL - When you think the other person is dumb and smaller than you, you are making a fool of yourself!
-----------------------------------------

 

FEMALE BRAIN
Last night I was sitting in the living room, talking to my wife about life... In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.
I told her : Darling never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die'.
My wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration towards me....and proceeded to disconnect the TV, the Cable, the Dish, the DVD, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went to the bar and threw away all my whiskey, rum, gin, vodka & the beer in the fridge...
I ALMOST DIED!!
The female brain works on a totally different wavelength from the male brain.....   

Humility

.....from Trilochan Bailur on 11 June 2012
Humility
Confidence without humility is arrogance. Humility is foundation of
all the virtues. It is a sign of greatness. Humility does not mean
self-demeaning behavior that would amount to belittling oneself.
Sincere humility attracts but false humility detracts.
Many years ago, a rider came across some soldiers who were trying to
move a heavy log without success. The corporal was standing by as the
men struggled. The rider asked the corporal why he wasn't helping. The
corporal replied, ``I am the corporal; I give orders.'' The rider
dismounted, went up to the soldiers and helped them to lift the log.
With his help, the log got moved. The rider quietly mounted his horse
and went to the corporal and said, ``The next time your men need help,
send for the commander-in-chief.'' After he left, the corporal and his
men found out that the rider was George Washington.
The message is clear. Success and humility go hand in hand. When
others blow your horn, the sound goes further. Just think about it.
Simplicity and humility are two hallmarks of greatness.

Next Six Months Could Determine Fate of the Internet, FCC Commissioner Warns

....shared by Joseph Rego on 9 June 2012

with the request to please pass this on to as many as possible, as free speech on the net is at stake. Apparently, and unfortunately. India is supposed to be one of the countries, joining hands with Saudi Arabia, Iran, China and Russia.

 

Next Six Months Could Determine Fate of the Internet, FCC Commissioner Warns

 

By Christopher Goins

June 8, 2012

    

Federal Communications Commission commissioner Robert McDowell. (Photo: FCC)

(CNSNews.com) – Actions taken – or not taken – by proponents of online freedom within the next six months will decide the fate of the Internet, according to Federal Communica-tions Commission commissioner Robert McDowell.

"Six months separate us from the renegotiation of the 1988 treaty that led to insulating the Internet from economic and technical regulation," McDowell, a Republican, told lawmakers during a hearing on Capitol Hill last week.

"What proponents of Internet freedom do or don't do between now and then will determine the fate of the Net and effect global economic growth as well as determine whether political liberty can proliferate," he said.

On December 4, the International Telecommunication Union (ITU), a Geneva-based U.N. specialized agency, will convene in Dubai to discuss its ongoing review of international telecommunications regulations (ITRs).

The Internet does not currently fall within the scope of the ITRs, but some ITU members, including Russia, India, China, Iran and Saudi Arabia, have long been promoting U.N. oversight of the Internet, and are expected to push for it at the Dubai conference.

The U.S. House Energy and Commerce subcommittee on communications and technology held a hearing on May 31, entitled "International Proposals to Regulate the Internet."

"During the treaty negotiations the most lethal threat to Internet freedom may not come from a full frontal assault, but through insidious and seemingly innocuous expansions of intergovernmental powers," McDowell told the panel.

He warned that "subterranean efforts" to expand intergovernmental powers were already underway. He cited the ITU leadership's insistence that the ITU does not plan on expanding regulatory powers, and that if any regulations are implemented as a result of the meeting they should be of "the light touch variety."

"It is not possible to insulate the Internet from new rules while also establishing a 'light touch' regulatory regime," McDowell said. "Either a new legal paradigm will emerge in December or it won't."

Specifically, ITU members and officials have been discussing an alleged "phone numbers crisis" – concerns that the world is running out of phone numbers, an area over which the ITU does have some authority.

Phone numbers are used for some Internet services, such as Skype and Google Voice.

"To function properly, the software supporting these services translate traditional phone numbers into IP addresses," McDowell explained.

Russia has seized on this fact, and is proposing giving the ITU jurisdiction over IP addresses – essentially the ID number of each individual computer – to remedy the supposed crisis.

"What is left unsaid, however, is that potential ITU jurisdiction over IP addresses would enable it to regulate Internet services and devices with abandon," Mc Dowell warned.

Other "seemingly small" proposed changes to the U.N.'s regulatory authority – such as a submission from Arab states to change the rules definition of "telecommunications" to cover "processing" and other computer functions – were in fact "titanic in scope," he said.

'Drive up costs, inhibit innovation'

The existing state of affairs of Internet governance is known as the "multi-stakeholder model," and includes the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN), a California-based not-for-profit corporation contracted to the Department of Commerce, which assigns IP addresses and oversees domains.

Rep. Bono Mack (D-Calif.) has introduced a resolution designed to express Congress' support for the multi-stakeholder model to continue.

On June 6, policy scholars and government officials met again on Capitol Hill to discuss the proposed regulation.

U.S. deputy coordinator for international communications and information policy Richard Beaird.

U.S. deputy coordinator for international communications and information policy Richard Beaird said the push to expand ITU oversight to include the Internet might be constrained by member states' interest in their own sovereignty.

CNSNews.com asked Beaird whether members' desire to protect their sovereignty "would work in favor of those who want to preserve and advance the multi-stakeholder governance model."

"Yes, I think that's right," he replied. "I think what it does, as a dynamic, is it forces consensus. We come with our views. Many share those views. Where those views may find opposition, not one side is going to be able to take a position that they alone can assert at the end of the day.

"They're going to have to find a compromise and I think that the rule of the ITU over time has been that you don't get radical change," Beaird continued. "You get only incremental change and that in part it's because you have these large number of countries coming together. They all understand that the game is that the sovereignty of each must be protected."

"It does work to the advantage of forcing compromises and it compromises towards the middle. And the radical proposals tend to drop off. That is, at least, the historical pattern," he said. "And we anticipate that it will continue."

McDowell, who also took part in the June 6 discussion, told CNSNews.com that if problematic proposals end up being ratified in a treaty, the consequences for Americans could be "profound."

"First of all, if anything comes out of this that resembles chaos or disorganization, chaos and uncertainty can inhibit investment," he said. "It could drive up costs, can inhibit innovation."

"And if we have to start bifurcating the Internet between countries that want more regulation of it or international regulation of it and those that do not, that's very hard to accomplish from an engineering perspective, because the Internet is a global network of networks without borders. So that then starts to create uncertainty and drive up costs."

The end result, he warned, was that "a lot of free services that are on the Internet today – bottom line – would no longer be free."

McDowell said that in the event of a treaty emerging, American citizens would not have to comply if the U.S. government chose not to adopt the treaty.

"A treaty would have to be ratified by our Senate," he pointed out. "So first of all, the executive branch – the State Department – endorses it and then they would refer it to the Senate. So we would not have to live under the treaty if other countries decided to adopt it and we decided not to adopt it."

   

 

 

 

--

Maxwell Pereira IPS (Retd.)

3725 Sector-23, Gurgaon-122017

9871263322

 

FunOnTheNet - FARMER JOHN

From: Trilochan Bailur on 8 June 2012................

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.
So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!" So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said:
SLOW--SCHOOL CROSSING
Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers.  The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster."
So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY
That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?"
The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let the Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain.
The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John.
Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you
put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone.
The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign... it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..."

So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's  house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:
NUDIST  COLONY
GO SLOW AND WATCH OUT FOR THE CHICKS
-------------------------

 

Parkinson's or Alzheimer's ?

Everyone knows that Parsi bawas are very witty but can be crazy at times too …

A Parsi bawa was asked, "What's preferable? Parkinson's or Alzheimer's?"

The wise bawa replied, "Definitely Parkinson's... better to spill half a peg of Scotch than to forget where you kept the bottle"

Love to all imbibers of the "appropriate fluids"!

----------------

 

WHERE DO RED-HEADED BABIES COME FROM?
After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician. 'Doctor,' the man said, 'I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine!!'
'Nonsense,' the doctor said...'Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.'
'It isn't possible,' the man insisted.
'This can't be,  our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.'
"Well, said the doctor,  let me ask you this.
Howoften do you have sex???"
The man seemed a bit ashamed..'I've been working veryhard for the past year. We only  made love once or twice every few months.'
'Well, there you have it!' The doctor said confidently....

"It's Rust."


 

 

Ajab Desh ki Gajab Kahani

Ajab Desh ki Gajab Kahani
(This came my way, in the email forwards circuit....)

1. We live in a nation where Rice is Rs.40/- per kg and Sim Card is free.
2. Pizza reaches home faster than Ambulance and Police.
3. Car loan @ 5% but education loan @ 12%.
4. Students with 45% get in elite institutions thru quota system and those with 90% get out because of merit.
5. Where a millionaire can buy a cricket team instead of donating the money to any charity. 2 IPL teams are auctioned at 3300 crores and we are still a poor country where people starve for 2 square meals per day.
6. Where the footwear we wear, are sold in AC showrooms, but vegetables that we eat, are sold on the footpath.
7. Assembly complex buildings are getting ready within one year while public transport bridges alone take several years to be completed.
8. Where we make lemon juices with artificial flavors and dish wash liquids with real lemon.

Think about it!
If you cross the The North Korean border illegally, you get ..... 12 years hard labour in an isolated prison .....
If you cross the Iranian border illegally, you get ..... detained indefinitely .....
If you cross the Afghan border illegally, you get ..... shot ......
If you cross the Saudi Arabian border illegally, you get ...... jailed ......
If you cross the Chinese border illegally, you get ..... kidnapped and may be never heard of again ..
If you cross the Venezuelan border illegally, you get ..... branded as a spy and your fate sealed ......
If you cross the Cuban border illegally, you get ..... thrown into a political prison to rot .....
If you cross the British border illegally, you get ..... arrested, prosecuted, sent to prison and be deported after serving your sentence .....
Now .... if you were to cross the Indian border illegally, you get .....
1. A ration card
2. A passport ( even more than one - if you please ! )
3. A driver's license
4. A voter identity card
5. Credit cards
6. A Haj subsidy too if u have the right credentials
7. Job reservation
8. Special privileges for minorities
9. Government housing on subsidized rent
10. Loan to buy a house
11. Free education
12. Free health care
13. A lobbyist in New Delhi , with a bunch of media morons and a bigger bunch of human rights activists promoting your cause
14. The right to talk about secularism, which you have not heard about in your own country !
15. And of-course ..... voting rights to elect corrupt politicians who will promote your community for their selfish interest in securing your votes !!!
16. and right to fight election for MLA or MP
Hats off ..... to the ......
A. Corrupt and communal Indian politicians
B. The inefficient and corrupt Indian police force
C. The silly pseudo-secularists in India , who promote traitors staying here
D. The amazingly lenient Indian courts and legal system. That's why people like Afzal Guru are still alive, same will happen with Kasab.
E. We self centered Indian citizens, who are not bothered about the dangers to our own country.
F. The illogically brainless human-rights activists, who think that terrorists deserve to be dealt with by archaic laws meant for an era, when human beings were human beings.
INCREDIBLE INDIA!

Kushwant Singh at 98 - how to stay healthy & live longer

In his write-up reproduced below, KS has already advised not to envy - to drive out envy of those who have done better than you in life. Or else, I would have envied him and his life style!

Well, I can still ask The Almighty to improve my own circumstances in the days to come. Who knows, I may still beat the likes of KS.... !!!!!

Read on.....

-----------------------------------

Coming on to 98 years and still earning more than I did in my younger days, people ask me how I manage to do it. They regard me as an expert on longevity. I have pronounced on the subject before; I will repeat it with suitable amendments based on my experience in the past two years.

Earlier I had written that longevity is in one's genes: children of long-living parents are likely to live longer than those born to short-lived parents. This did not happen in my own family. My parents who died at 90 and 94 had five children, four sons and a daughter. The first to go was the youngest of the siblings. Next went my sister who was the fourth. My elder brother who was three years older than me went a couple of years ago. Two of us remain; I, who will soon be 98, and my younger brother, a retired Brigadier three years younger than me and in much better health. He looks after our ancestral property. Nevertheless, I still believe gene is the most important factor in determining one's life-span.

More important than analysing longevity is to cope with old age and make terms with it. As we grow older, we are less able to exercise our limbs. We have to devise ways to keep them active. Right into my mid-eighties, I played tennis every morning, did rounds of Lodhi gardens in winter and swam for an hour in summer. I am unable to do this any more. The best way to overcome this handicap is regular massages. I have tried different kinds and was disappointed with the oil drip and smearing of oil on the body. A good massage needs powerful hands going all over one's body from the skull to the toes. I have this done at least once a day or at times twice a day. I am convinced that this has kept me going for so long.

Equally important is the need to cut down drastically one's intake of food and drink. I start my mornings with guava juice. It is tastier and more health-giving than orange or any other fruit juice. My breakfast is one scrambled egg on toast. My lunch is usually patli kichri with dahi or a vegetable. I skip afternoon tea. In the evening, I take a peg of single malt whisky. It gives me a false appetite. Before I eat supper, I say to myself "Do not eat too much." I also believe that a meal should have just one kind of vegetable or meat followed by a pinch of chooran. It is best to eat alone and in silence. Talking while eating does not do justice to the food and you swallow a lot of it. For me no more Punjabi or Mughlai food. I find South India idli, sambhar and grated coconut easier to digest and healthier.

Never allow yourself to be constipated. The stomach is a storehouse of all kinds of ailments. Our sedentary life tends to make us constipated. Keep your bowels clean however you can: by laxatives, enemas, glycerin suppositories, whatever. Bapu Gandhi fully understood the need to keep bowels clean.

Impose strict discipline on your daily routine. If necessary, use a stop-watch. I have breakfast exactly at 6.30 am lunch at noon, drink at 7 pm, supper at 8. Try to develop peace of mind. For this you must have a healthy bank account. Shortage of money can be very demoralising. It does not have to be in crores, but enough for your future needs and possibility of falling ill.

Never lose your temper, it takes a heavy toll and jangles one's nerves. Never tell a lie. Always keep your national motto in mind: Satyamev Jayate, only truth triumphs. Give generously. Remember you can't take it with you. You may give to your children, servants or charity. You will feel better. There is joy in giving.

Drive out envy of those who have done better than you in life. A Punjabi verse sums up: Rookhi Sookhy Khai kay Thanda Paani Pee Na Veykh paraayee chonparian na Tarssain jee (Eat dry bread and drink cold water Pay no heed or envy those who smear their chapattis with ghee)

Do not conform to the tradition of old people spending time in prayer and long hours in places of worship. That amounts to conceding defeat. Instead take up a hobby like gardening, growing bonsai, helping children of your neighbourhood with their homework. A practice which I have found very effective is to fix my gaze on the flame of candle, empty my mind of everything, but in my mind repeat Aum Shanti, Aum Shanti, Aum Shanti. It does work. I am at peace with the world. We can't all be Fawja Singh who at 100 run a marathon race but we can equal him in longevity and creativity. I wish all my readers long, healthy lives full of happiness.

Thanks/ Kushwant Singh

Letters of the alphabet (according to Punjabis)

This is CLASSIC!!!
Letters of the alphabet (according to Punjabis)

A is for Adjust. Punjabis will always ask you to adjust whenever they want to push you around.
B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your bum, it is an instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or whatever.
C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g . ..."Dfence Cloney".
E is for Expanditure. Punjabis are never shy of spending money – the latest cars, gadgets, marble floors: their ambitions are always expanding.
F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is actually just the front of a building (with backside being the back, of course).
G is for Guddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his guddi puts any F1 driver to shame. (If the Grand Prix does come to Delhi there's no way Hamilton, Alonso or Kimi can overtake Balvinder, Jasvinder or Sukhvinder.)
H is for Ho Jayega Ji, and the moment you hear that you have to be careful because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen.
I is for Intezaar, and to know more about it see P.
J is for Jindagi, and if there's one person who knows how to live life to the fullest it's a Punjabi.
K is for Khanna, Khurana, etc, the Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses (e.g."Keeping up with the Khuranas")
L is for Lovely, but unfortunately she almost never is.
M is for Mrooti, the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in love with.
N is for No Problem Ji. To find out how that works see H.
O is for Oye, which can be surprise (Oyye!), a greeting (Oyy!), anger (OYY!) or pain (Oy oy oy...).
P is for Panch Minit, and no matter how near (1 km) or far (100 km) a Punjabi is from you, he always says he'll reach you in panch minit.
Q is for Queue, a word completely untranslatable into Punjabi.
R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one, even if the odds are against him.
S is for Sweetie, Bunty, Pappu and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in Delhi.
T is for the official bird of Punjab: Tandoori chicken.
U is for when a Punjabi loses his sex appeal and becomes "Uncle-ji"
V is for VIP phone numbers @ Rs 15 lakhs and counting.
W is for Whan, as in "Whan are you coming, ji?"
X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in all Punjabi conversations.
Y is for "You nonsense", when anger replaces vocabulary in a shouting match.
Z is for Zigzag. (Please refer to G, M and P)

How much do you make, Dr. ?

Beautifully written...

Something that may uplift the selfless service esteem of all doctors - within and outside my own family.

 

Somebody asked: "You're a Doctor? How much do you make?"
I replied: "HOW MUCH DO I MAKE?" ...
I can make holding your hand seem like the most important thing in the world when you're scared...
I can make your child breathe when they stop...
I can help your father survive a heart attack...
I can make myself get up at 4AM to make sure your mother has the medicine she needs to live...and I will work straight through until 4am to keep her alive and start the day all over again!
I work all day to save the lives of strangers...
I will drop everything and run a code blue for hours trying to keep you alive!!!
I make my family wait for dinner until I know your family member is taken care of...
I make myself skip lunch so that I can make sure that everything I did for your wife today was correct...
I work weekends and holidays and all through the night because people don't just get sick Monday though Saturday and during normal working hours.
Today, I might save your life.

How much do I make?
All I know is, I make a difference.

--

Maxwell Pereira IPS (Retd.)
3725 Sector-23, Gurgaon-122017

9871263322

LAWS OF......??!!!!

Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

Law of Timing - The telephone (landline) will invariably ring the minute you visit the toilet and sit on the pot.

 

Law of the Bath - The same goes when it's bath time. When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal - and someone always answers.

 

Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want
to be seen with.

Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

 

Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

Law for Doctor's diagnostics - all the symptoms you knew were there and want your doctor to detect and diagnose fly out of the window the moment you are on his inspection chair/table.

 

Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking--A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!!

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find
a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Re: No Gas..... No Diesel ..The NEW Car runs on Air.!!!!!!!....Manufactured by.."Tata Motors of India".........

(....got this from Arun Talwar in the email forwards circuit) !

Could this be true?   ....read on

....that news about Tata's planning to put this air-fuelled can on the roads, ...had hit the American world in 2008 itself. At least this link says so: http://www.popularmechanics.com/cars/news/preview-concept/4217016

Maxwell
--------------------------------------------

 

On 28 April 2012 03:02, Arun Talwar <arunstalwar@gmail.com> wrote: 

Subject: No Gas..... No Diesel ..The NEW Car runs on Air.!!!!!!!...

Manufactured by.."Tata Motors of India".........

The latest innovation. A Car fueled by AIR.!!!!!!
YES... By AIR !!!!.
August 2012 is around the corner.
We will have to see what the BIG Muscles in the Oil Producing World......
'Oil producing Countries and Oil Companies' will do.....?????.!!!!!!
NO Health Hazard. !!!!.
No WARMING of the earth..!!!!.

"Manufactured by The Tata Motors of India"

We'll see in the August of 2012...!

Will it be the next big thing ??????

Tata Motors of India thinks so.

What will the Oil Companies do to STOP top it ?????

It is an auto engine that runs on air. That's right; air not gas or diesel or electric
but just the air around us. Take a look.




Tata Motors of India has scheduled the Air Car to hit the
Indian streets by August 2012



The Air Car, developed by ex-Formula One engineer Guy N. For Luxembourg-based MDI, uses compressed air to push its engine's pistons and make the car go.

The Air Car, called the "Mini CAT" could cost around Rs. 65,757 (Rupees) in India or UK Sterling 820, or AUS $ 1315.

The Mini CAT which is a simple, light urban car, with a tubular chassis, a body of fiberglass that is glued not welded and powered by compressed air.

A Microprocessor is used to control all electrical functions of the car. One tiny radio transmitter sends instructions to the lights, turn signals and every other electrical device on the car. Which are not many.

The temperature of the clean air expelled by the exhaust pipe is between 0-15 degrees below zero, which makes it suitable for use by the internal air conditioning system with no need for gases or loss of power.

There are no keys, just an access card which can be read by the car from your pocket.

According to the designers, it costs less than 50 rupees ( Aus $ 1 )  per 100 KM, that's about a tenth the cost of a car running on gas. It's mileage is about double that of the most advanced electric car, a factor which makes it a perfect choice for city motorists.

The car has a top speed of 105 KM per hour or60 mphandwould have a range of around 300 km or 185 miles between refuels. Refilling the car will take place at adapted gas stations with special air compressors.

A fill up will only take two to three minutes and costs approximately 100 rupeesand the car will be ready to go another 300 kilometers.

This car can also be filled at home with it's on board compressor. It will take 3-4 hours to refill the tank, but it can be done while you sleep.

Because there is no combustion engine, changing the 1 litre of vegetable oil is only necessary every 50,000 KM or 30,000 miles. Due to its simplicity, there is very little maintenance to be done on this car.

This Air Car almost sounds too good to be true.!!!!!

We'll see in August of 2012...!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT ??????????     Subject: No Gas..... No Diesel ..The NEW Car runs on Air.!!!!!!!...     .Manufactured by.."Tata Motors of India"......... The latest innovation. A Car fueled by AIR.!!!!!! YES... By AIR !!!!. August 2012 is around the corner. We will have to see what the BIG Muscles in the Oil Producing World...... 'Oil producing Countries and Oil Companies' will do.....?????.!!!!!! NO Health Hazard. !!!!. No WARMING of the earth..!!!!. "Manufactured by The Tata Motors of India" We'll see in the August of 2012...! Will it be the next big thing ?????? Tata Motors of India thinks so. What will the Oil Companies do to STOP top it ????? It is an auto engine that runs on air. That's right; air not gas or diesel or electric but just the air around us. Take a look. Tata Motors of India has scheduled the Air Car to hit the Indian streets by August 2012 The Air Car, developed by ex-Formula One engineer Guy N. For Luxembourg-based MDI, uses compressed air to push its engine's pistons and make the car go. The Air Car, called the "Mini CAT" could cost around Rs. 65,757 (Rupees) in India or UK Sterling 820, or AUS $ 1315. The Mini CAT which is a simple, light urban car, with a tubular chassis, a body of fiberglass that is glued not welded and powered by compressed air. A Microprocessor is used to control all electrical functions of the car. One tiny radio transmitter sends instructions to the lights, turn signals and every other electrical device on the car. Which are not many. The temperature of the clean air expelled by the exhaust pipe is between 0-15 degrees below zero, which makes it suitable for use by the internal air conditioning system with no need for gases or loss of power. There are no keys, just an access card which can be read by the car from your pocket. According to the designers, it costs less than 50 rupees ( Aus $ 1 )  per 100 KM, that's about a tenth the cost of a car running on gas. It's mileage is about double that of the most advanced electric car, a factor which makes it a perfect choice for city motorists. The car has a top speed of 105 KM per hour or60 mphandwould have a range of around 300 km or 185 miles between refuels. Refilling the car will take place at adapted gas stations with special air compressors. A fill up will only take two to three minutes and costs approximately 100 rupeesand the car will be ready to go another 300 kilometers. This car can also be filled at home with it's on board compressor. It will take 3-4 hours to refill the tank, but it can be done while you sleep. Because there is no combustion engine, changing the 1 litre of vegetable oil is only necessary every 50,000 KM or 30,000 miles. Due to its simplicity, there is very little maintenance to be done on this car. This Air Car almost sounds too good to be true.!!!!! We'll see in August of 2012...! Follow Rediff Deal ho jaye! to get exciting offers in your city everyday.

 

--

Maxwell Pereira IPS (Retd.)
3725 Sector-23, Gurgaon-122017

9871263322